Zabin King
(?)Community Member
- Posted: Mon, 22 Dec 2014 06:01:26 +0000
Me and this girl have been close friends since July of 2013 where we met in Job Corps (trade school). I had a crush on her instantly but was too much of a 'silly shy boy' to make any kind of move. After a while we became close friends.
We were friends there for five months. In these five months my crush turned into honest admiration and love. During this time she started dating a boy and so I just kept my feelings to myself and stayed friends with her.
She finished before me and moved to Portland with her at-the-time boyfriend. When I was almost complete she invited me to move in with them in Portland and I took them up on her offer. We lived together from January until September in a small one-room apartment. Again, during this time I just grew to love and respect her more, but never said anything because she was in a relationship.
The relationship ended badly. The details are not important, but it turned abusive and we both had to leave. We both found separate studio apartments (I was pretty ready to live on my own) and move out. We still hung out and visited each other.
I gave it a few weeks and decided I wanted to talk to her about my feelings towards her. It went a long better than I expected. She told me she couldn't see me that way, but she did love me too. She told me she felt a deep love for me, but it just wasn't romantic.
I said I accepted this. I wanted to accept this. I know I should accept this. But I just can't get over her.
I want to make clear this isn't physical lust. I'm pretty close to being asexual. I would be happy to be in a relationship with her that had no physical contact, if it meant I could be with her. Being around her just makes me feel amazing.
The problem? Undeserved jealousy.
She is actively dating. Logically I know she should. Logically I know I should want her to. But every time I see her kissing another person, or when she tells me about having sex with them, or when I see her holding their hand and laughing, it just tears me up inside because I know I will never have that with her. I know she doesn't want that with me.
Due to a recent series of shitty events I am losing my apartment and maybe my job. That is a whole other can of bullshit that isn't relevant here but why it is important is she has again offered her home open to me. When I lose my apartment on the 5th I am moving in with her and her new girlfriend. (she is bisexual, or some variant of)
Like I said. I really do want to be just friends with her. She knows how I feel and she knows how much it bothers me, and she knows that I know it shouldn't.
So my question is; how can I get over this? It has been nearly half a year since she made it clear to me we would never be involved romantically. Yet I still feel this way. Since I met her no other woman interests me. I can't even date anyone else seriously because I am so enthralled with her. And now I am about to live with her and her new girlfriend, who are very physical with each other.
Emotions are dumb.
We were friends there for five months. In these five months my crush turned into honest admiration and love. During this time she started dating a boy and so I just kept my feelings to myself and stayed friends with her.
She finished before me and moved to Portland with her at-the-time boyfriend. When I was almost complete she invited me to move in with them in Portland and I took them up on her offer. We lived together from January until September in a small one-room apartment. Again, during this time I just grew to love and respect her more, but never said anything because she was in a relationship.
The relationship ended badly. The details are not important, but it turned abusive and we both had to leave. We both found separate studio apartments (I was pretty ready to live on my own) and move out. We still hung out and visited each other.
I gave it a few weeks and decided I wanted to talk to her about my feelings towards her. It went a long better than I expected. She told me she couldn't see me that way, but she did love me too. She told me she felt a deep love for me, but it just wasn't romantic.
I said I accepted this. I wanted to accept this. I know I should accept this. But I just can't get over her.
I want to make clear this isn't physical lust. I'm pretty close to being asexual. I would be happy to be in a relationship with her that had no physical contact, if it meant I could be with her. Being around her just makes me feel amazing.
The problem? Undeserved jealousy.
She is actively dating. Logically I know she should. Logically I know I should want her to. But every time I see her kissing another person, or when she tells me about having sex with them, or when I see her holding their hand and laughing, it just tears me up inside because I know I will never have that with her. I know she doesn't want that with me.
Due to a recent series of shitty events I am losing my apartment and maybe my job. That is a whole other can of bullshit that isn't relevant here but why it is important is she has again offered her home open to me. When I lose my apartment on the 5th I am moving in with her and her new girlfriend. (she is bisexual, or some variant of)
Like I said. I really do want to be just friends with her. She knows how I feel and she knows how much it bothers me, and she knows that I know it shouldn't.
So my question is; how can I get over this? It has been nearly half a year since she made it clear to me we would never be involved romantically. Yet I still feel this way. Since I met her no other woman interests me. I can't even date anyone else seriously because I am so enthralled with her. And now I am about to live with her and her new girlfriend, who are very physical with each other.
Emotions are dumb.