I really truly just want to be friends with her.

[Zabin King]

Me and this girl have been close friends since July of 2013 where we met in Job Corps (trade school). I had a crush on her instantly but was too much of a 'silly shy boy' to make any kind of move. After a while we became close friends.

We were friends there for five months. In these five months my crush turned into honest admiration and love. During this time she started dating a boy and so I just kept my feelings to myself and stayed friends with her.

She finished before me and moved to Portland with her at-the-time boyfriend. When I was almost complete she invited me to move in with them in Portland and I took them up on her offer. We lived together from January until September in a small one-room apartment. Again, during this time I just grew to love and respect her more, but never said anything because she was in a relationship.

The relationship ended badly. The details are not important, but it turned abusive and we both had to leave. We both found separate studio apartments (I was pretty ready to live on my own) and move out. We still hung out and visited each other.

I gave it a few weeks and decided I wanted to talk to her about my feelings towards her. It went a long better than I expected. She told me she couldn't see me that way, but she did love me too. She told me she felt a deep love for me, but it just wasn't romantic.

I said I accepted this. I wanted to accept this. I know I should accept this. But I just can't get over her.

I want to make clear this isn't physical lust. I'm pretty close to being asexual. I would be happy to be in a relationship with her that had no physical contact, if it meant I could be with her. Being around her just makes me feel amazing.

The problem? Undeserved jealousy.

She is actively dating. Logically I know she should. Logically I know I should want her to. But every time I see her kissing another person, or when she tells me about having sex with them, or when I see her holding their hand and laughing, it just tears me up inside because I know I will never have that with her. I know she doesn't want that with me.

Due to a recent series of shitty events I am losing my apartment and maybe my job. That is a whole other can of bullshit that isn't relevant here but why it is important is she has again offered her home open to me. When I lose my apartment on the 5th I am moving in with her and her new girlfriend. (she is bisexual, or some variant of)

Like I said. I really do want to be just friends with her. She knows how I feel and she knows how much it bothers me, and she knows that I know it shouldn't.

So my question is; how can I get over this? It has been nearly half a year since she made it clear to me we would never be involved romantically. Yet I still feel this way. Since I met her no other woman interests me. I can't even date anyone else seriously because I am so enthralled with her. And now I am about to live with her and her new girlfriend, who are very physical with each other.

Emotions are dumb.

[legnanellaf5]

I know it isnt a possiblity atm, but I think ultimately you are going to have to leave her behind to get over her. You can try to deal with your jealousy, but that does require a lot of thinking about why you are jealous and what is the issue that underlies it.

Obviously you should also tell her to stop being that detailed about her sex life, knowing that isnt helping and she is cruel to tell you.

[Misty_Mystix]

This "friendship" isn't healthy when she can't give you the relationship you really want and flanting what she gives others but not you, telling you about her sex life is a b***h move unless she's ignorant thinking you're over her when you're not. Move out and get on your feet as fast as you can to not need to stay with them, that's a toxic environment. Or find someone else to stay with. Stop emotionally torturing yourself to maintain a friendship, you can't be friends until you've completely moved on. When you're independent, you're going to have to distance yourself from her and limit contact or go no contact until you don't want her anymore. You may have to find someone else who has a compatable low sex drive like you to date and keep in mind your friend may have a sex drive that's too high for you.

[mangachan]

There are other people to be friends with. Nothing about this woman demands that see be maintain contact with her. It is a subconcious excuse for you to maintain some semblance of what you want but won't have. Expand your circle beyond her. It will feel like you are ditching her, almost like breaking up but you both will be fine.

[Messy Goblin Crusher]

Nothing about this sounds like a friendship.

[Kannonm]

Honestly, it sounds like you are lying to yourself.

If you were legit asexual, you wouldn't be so concerned with her having sexual ties/interest with others. But it does bother you. You may not be a super sexual person, but you do have a sexual interest in her.

For your own well being, if she has no interest in you, it is best if you keep distance from her. No matter how well meaning you are, how noble you want to be, in the long run this is only going to hurt you, and complicate your relationship. Doesn't mean that you need to stop talking to her, but it does mean that there needs to be some level of distance.

Be honest with what you want. Perhaps in time, you will be ready to confront that, and perhaps, be the person that she needs when she needs it. But living together right now would wreck any chance of that.

[Dystopic Energy]

Zabin King

Me and this girl have been close friends since July of 2013 where we met in Job Corps (trade school). I had a crush on her instantly but was too much of a 'silly shy boy' to make any kind of move. After a while we became close friends.

We were friends there for five months. In these five months my crush turned into honest admiration and love. During this time she started dating a boy and so I just kept my feelings to myself and stayed friends with her.

She finished before me and moved to Portland with her at-the-time boyfriend. When I was almost complete she invited me to move in with them in Portland and I took them up on her offer. We lived together from January until September in a small one-room apartment. Again, during this time I just grew to love and respect her more, but never said anything because she was in a relationship.

The relationship ended badly. The details are not important, but it turned abusive and we both had to leave. We both found separate studio apartments (I was pretty ready to live on my own) and move out. We still hung out and visited each other.

I gave it a few weeks and decided I wanted to talk to her about my feelings towards her. It went a long better than I expected. She told me she couldn't see me that way, but she did love me too. She told me she felt a deep love for me, but it just wasn't romantic.

I said I accepted this. I wanted to accept this. I know I should accept this. But I just can't get over her.

I want to make clear this isn't physical lust. I'm pretty close to being asexual. I would be happy to be in a relationship with her that had no physical contact, if it meant I could be with her. Being around her just makes me feel amazing.

The problem? Undeserved jealousy.

She is actively dating. Logically I know she should. Logically I know I should want her to. But every time I see her kissing another person, or when she tells me about having sex with them, or when I see her holding their hand and laughing, it just tears me up inside because I know I will never have that with her. I know she doesn't want that with me.

Due to a recent series of shitty events I am losing my apartment and maybe my job. That is a whole other can of bullshit that isn't relevant here but why it is important is she has again offered her home open to me. When I lose my apartment on the 5th I am moving in with her and her new girlfriend. (she is bisexual, or some variant of)

Like I said. I really do want to be just friends with her. She knows how I feel and she knows how much it bothers me, and she knows that I know it shouldn't.

So my question is; how can I get over this? It has been nearly half a year since she made it clear to me we would never be involved romantically. Yet I still feel this way. Since I met her no other woman interests me. I can't even date anyone else seriously because I am so enthralled with her. And now I am about to live with her and her new girlfriend, who are very physical with each other.

Emotions are dumb.

Honestly, I understand everything you said and feel. However, I really don't think anything will help but finding someone else you're interested in. You can move away from her, never talk to her again, and that miiiight help. But it seems you also have close bonds from being there for each other. So it might make things worse for you.

Try to find more people to turn turn to emotionally, like how you're trying to do right now, actually. If you remove some of the dependency, it will give you more people to be happy about knowing. People to have fun with and distract yourself.

[Kumacchiato]

::.DEFFY.::
❣keepin' default undies teh sex since 03'❣
||Last night, while I was sleeping, I dreamnt I held you in my arms. But when I woke dear, I was mistaken. So I hung my head and I cried...||

Honestly.... you need to cut her out of your life for a while. Moving in with her is not the best idea, so make it a very temporary solutuion to your problem.
You should take a break from her and give your feelings time to subside. It will be better for both of you. Then after a while you can start talking again.


goodluck<33333

-Kay, love you❤

[icicle weapon]

Hold on. I'm a little confused.

You like a girl, but you are asexual, so do not want to date anyone, yet still get jealous when you see her with other guys?

If so, I know that feeling. Us asexuals want everyone else to be asexual too.

If you ever find a solution to this problem, please PM so I can use your method.