I need advice from women who have miscarried before....

[Erihar_Dragonclaw]

I need advice... help, something, I have very little support when it comes to something like this, I don't know anyone personally who has gone through it aside from one friend... and it's very painful for her to talk about it because it happened so recently to her...

So here is my story... this was just last month, I found out I was pregnant around October 20th (home pregnancy tests, two times, both positive without a doubt)

Now this is the first time my husband and I have tried to get pregnant... I was so excited when the test came out positive, and I immediately called a women's center to get a test done, gave them the information they needed, and they told me I would have to wait two more weeks (until November 11th) to get the ultrasound done because they said I was only four weeks along and they can't detect it in an ultra sound until 6 weeks...

I was disappointed that they couldn't do it sooner, but so excited because they were certain I was pregnant too. My husband and I were happily deciding on names and planning out a baby room, I even started getting ready to make a baby registry, and had a crib all picked out and everything. I had told a few friends as well and they were all excited for me too.

Then about four days after i made the appointment... on October 29th....I got my period... I cried so hard, harder than I had ever cried in my life. I never imagined it could be so devastating. I'm not going to go into details... but it was far from a normal period. I was terrified, I had no idea what to expect, no idea what exactly was happening. this was at about 3am... (I guess it's called a chemical pregnancy at the stage I was in... but still... it was more than just a regular period.. I may have been a little further along than thought I don't know...)

I had to wait until the next morning, I called the women's center to cancel my appointment and talked to one of the ladies there... she gave me some information that scared me, and suggested that I get into a doctor to make sure the miscarriage happened right or it could cause serious health problems for me.

I called a nurses line after that, and they couldn't even tell me any symptoms or what to expect or anything, and they wouldn't see me because I was not set up with a primary doctor... I also couldn't afford an appointment (we don't have medical insurance yet... we will in a week or so now though)


Long story short.. .I can't get support from medical professionals, and the friend I have don't understand what I'm going through and are mostly afraid to talk to me because I've started crying a few times when they tried... I feel very alone in trying to deal with this...

I have a wonderful husband who has been as supportive as he could, and comforting me when I'm crying... but I feel so worthless right now... I have never felt so low in my life.

Basically, I'm terrified to go out in public because every time I see a child I feel like crying...

I'm just now starting to be able to watch TV again... commercials with babies in them would make me break down crying... I still have to avert my eyes from the commercials when they come on, but fortunately my husband usually changes the channel...

I just really need some help from those who have experienced an early miscarriage before.... did you go through what I'm going through right now? How were you able to get through it?

[L0LIS]

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Miscarriages are very common and it's mostly due to chromosomal abnormalities that can't be helped which is why a lot of people suggest not revealing your pregnancy until you're in the second trimester.
To give you an idea of how common they are amungst women, about 50% of pregnancies end in miscarriage.
My first pregnancy ended in miscarriage and although it was sad at first, I got passed it quickly because in my eyes, it wasn't a baby yet (just a bunch of cells in the process of becoming one) but of course women have different ideas on this type of subject and that's alright!
Soon after the miscarriage, I got pregnant with my now 6 month old daughter.
You can always try again, having another miscarriage after just having one isn't very likely (but if it does happen - i'd suggest going over this with a doctor because something else may be wrong).
I'm sorry for your loss and I hope you feel better soon. When you both are ready to try again, I hope you have a beautiful healthy baby. <3

[Erihar_Dragonclaw]

Thank you... I know they're common in early pregnancy, but it doesn't help the pain any knowing that... I wish it did...

I've had to rely soley on information I find on the internet... which I hate...

it is good to know that two in a row isn't common...

my husband and I have been talking.... and I feel like we have to keep trying or I'll just end up drowning in grief and self pity over the miscarriage... I don't know if that is common for women to feel like that... but I feel like if we wait too long I'll be afraid to try again...

[L0LIS]

Erihar_Dragonclaw

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If you ever feel like the pain is too much for you and that nothing is helping you cope with this loss, you should get therapy. Hopefully that'll help you work through this. Now, therapy isn't for everyone but it has helped a lot of people and I am hoping it will help you through this emotional time. Spend as much time with your husband as possible and any family/friends that will help you as well. Surround yourself with as much love as possible. Good luck. <3

[Erihar_Dragonclaw]

Thanks, I'm trying to do just that... I'm not really one for Therapy, there aren't any therapists around here worth seeing honestly.

[legnanellaf5]

Take the time now to grieve as it is okay, but also take this as a lesson learnt. Dont plan for a baby you dont know you have. Planning for a baby when the fetus is too small to be picked up on an ultra scan is basically a set up for disappointment. Things like a crib and a baby registry should not in your mind at all until at least 4ish months in, because miscarriages mostly happen in the first trimester. As said they are common enough and so you need to keep yourself realistic when you think you are pregnant.

[Merely]

I'm sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how it feels to have all of your hopes for your baby ripped away like that. Even if it was very early in the pregnancy, you were still his/her mother. You were developing a very strong emotional bond with him/her. It's completely normal to feel devastated right now.

The miscarriage isn't your fault, though, and you're definitely not worthless. I know it might be hard to think about it so soon after what you just experienced, but you can try again in the future. What others are saying is true, miscarriages are very common in the first trimester. Creating a new human is a tricky business and it's heartbreaking, but mistakes do happen. Miscarriages usually occur because there's something so wrong with the fetus that it wouldn't survive even if it came to term.

When you're ready to try again, you'll be more prepared- you'll know what to expect and you'll have health insurance. I can tell you're going to be a very loving mother.

[!d!ot Amer!ca]

As others have said, miscarriages are very common during the first few weeks of a pregnancy.
That's why it's best not to get so excited and worked up, as even that can cause your body to stress out and miscarry.
I had three miscarriages in my life, and it took a while to get passed them.
It's okay to grieve, and it's okay to be nervous about trying again.
Message me if you ever need to talk.