I have a serious problem.

[GodDamnedTheQueen]

I'm in a relationship and I do love him with all of my heart but there's something wrong with me.

I know I'm a terrible person, but since I met him everything settled down and I found peace…


But lately, all I've ever been feeling is angry.
Just raw, blind anger towards EVERYTHING.

I'm depressed ALL THE TIME.

And to top it off I'm severely ill. I went to the doctor's about a week ago and found that I have pneumonia but not very serious. But lately even though I feel well, I just keep puking randomly and coughing up blood.

But ******** that, what I wanted to say is..My s/o has been really sweet to me and all I am is mean.
I'm a crazy b***h.
He tries to cheer me up, and I'll destroy him by saying something mean.
What's sickening is, I KNOW I'm being mean but I can't stop myself.

He just blandly tells me about his female associates because of course he doesn't expect me to be an insane ******** b***h, but all I can feel is just blind, frightening anger.

I've never had problems with trust because I've never actually trusted anybody but him, but I can't HELP but get paranoid whenever he tells me he's been hanging out with other people.
I WANT to tsp being paranoid but I CAN'T
I ******** HATE who I am and how horrible I am to him.

I want him to be happy but I'm selfish enough to not let him go.

I'm insane..

[PKMN Breeder Mandy]

First of all being sick can make you grouchy without wanting to be. Especially if you're feeling crummy enough to be puking. Your body is in a shut down state and you're feeling run down so until you are feeling better you'll be a little grouchy. It takes a lot out of you and when you're feeling worn down like that you can feel depressed as well.

As for jealousy that is also normal. My husband always tells me everything and I still sometimes feel jealousy. The more you love someone/the closer you are to them the more you feel jealousy. It means you are afraid of losing him and that too is normal because it shows you care deeply about him.

I'm sure he knows you're sick right now and understands the temper. All you can do is reassure yourself that he cares and think of all the nice things he is doing for you like helping take care of you while you're sick. Take your medicine and you'll be better in no time and be able to hang around him with other people which will ease your mind.

[AbsurdEffigy]

You sound like you would benefit greatly from speaking with a therapist for a while.

[GodDamnedTheQueen]

AbsurdEffigy

You sound like you would benefit greatly from speaking with a therapist for a while.

Too poor for that s**t.

[GodDamnedTheQueen]

PKMN Breeder Mandy

First of all being sick can make you grouchy without wanting to be. Especially if you're feeling crummy enough to be puking. Your body is in a shut down state and you're feeling run down so until you are feeling better you'll be a little grouchy. It takes a lot out of you and when you're feeling worn down like that you can feel depressed as well.

As for jealousy that is also normal. My husband always tells me everything and I still sometimes feel jealousy. The more you love someone/the closer you are to them the more you feel jealousy. It means you are afraid of losing him and that too is normal because it shows you care deeply about him.

I'm sure he knows you're sick right now and understands the temper. All you can do is reassure yourself that he cares and think of all the nice things he is doing for you like helping take care of you while you're sick. Take your medicine and you'll be better in no time and be able to hang around him with other people which will ease your mind.

I hope you're right.
I hate being this way though.

[thatonechick101]

You might want to go see a counselor. This isn't to say you are crazy or depressed or anything, but it could help. Or couples counseling. You need to figure out how to channel your anger in a more healthy manner as well as figure out what's causing these reactions and work on subdoing them.

[Revolutionary Rhapsody]

You seriously sound like you need some sort of outlet, and therapy is a great one. Google around if there are providers in your area with payment plans or cheap options for those in need. If you are in the US, you could try a suicide hotline like 1-800-Talk, you can call those even if you aren't suicidal. I called one last year when I was having a nervous breakdown at school at 4am and the associate told me it was perfectly okay to call if you're not suicidal but just need to talk to someone and that some people even call regularly just to tell people about their days or ask for general advice because they don't have friends or other support systems to talk to. It's basically like a free counselor, but they're likely just not certified (so no medication-specific talks and they're more likely to suggest you go to a therapist or seek a psychiatrist consult if you need medication because they're legally obligated to say disclaimers like that and stuff).

You are literally saying "I am making problems in my relationship" so you need to sit down and look at these issues and talk to your SO about them. Couples counseling isn't a bad idea either, but that's several steps ahead and you haven't even gotten up on your feet here, yet. Meet up with your SO soon, say you want to talk about your behavior and feelings lately and want him to be their with you to share in the discussion and include his input and feelings.

You can't get anywhere without talking with them, and right now, your feelings are digging you a hole and dragging you down into it.

[The Underground Man]

Aw, I can relate to your problem! Talking about it openly has really helped me. I'd also say that you should consider couples counseling.

[GodDamnedTheQueen]

thatonechick101

You might want to go see a counselor. This isn't to say you are crazy or depressed or anything, but it could help. Or couples counseling. You need to figure out how to channel your anger in a more healthy manner as well as figure out what's causing these reactions and work on subdoing them.

Why couples counselling?
He didn't do anything wrong. ; ;

[GodDamnedTheQueen]

Milady Alluca

You seriously sound like you need some sort of outlet, and therapy is a great one. Google around if there are providers in your area with payment plans or cheap options for those in need. If you are in the US, you could try a suicide hotline like 1-800-Talk, you can call those even if you aren't suicidal. I called one last year when I was having a nervous breakdown at school at 4am and the associate told me it was perfectly okay to call if you're not suicidal but just need to talk to someone and that some people even call regularly just to tell people about their days or ask for general advice because they don't have friends or other support systems to talk to. It's basically like a free counselor, but they're likely just not certified (so no medication-specific talks and they're more likely to suggest you go to a therapist or seek a psychiatrist consult if you need medication because they're legally obligated to say disclaimers like that and stuff).

You are literally saying "I am making problems in my relationship" so you need to sit down and look at these issues and talk to your SO about them. Couples counseling isn't a bad idea either, but that's several steps ahead and you haven't even gotten up on your feet here, yet. Meet up with your SO soon, say you want to talk about your behavior and feelings lately and want him to be their with you to share in the discussion and include his input and feelings.

You can't get anywhere without talking with them, and right now, your feelings are digging you a hole and dragging you down into it.

Yeah I'm going to talk it out with him soon.
I really want to apologise and try to not be a total douche >;{

[GodDamnedTheQueen]

The Underground Man

Aw, I can relate to your problem! Talking about it openly has really helped me. I'd also say that you should consider couples counseling.

WHY MEADOWLARK
WHY COUPLES COUNSELING?

[Sally Sassalot]

Your doctor knows you're coughing up blood, right?

[GodDamnedTheQueen]

Sally Sassalot

Your doctor knows you're coughing up blood, right?

Well he's the doctor, so I suppose he should right?

[Sally Sassalot]

GodDamnedTheQueen

Sally Sassalot

Your doctor knows you're coughing up blood, right?

Well he's the doctor, so I suppose he should right?

From your OP I can't tell if that was an issue when you saw him for pneumonia or something that arose after.

If it was an issue and you told him about it, awesome. If it wasn't an issue at the time, or it's getting worse, I would ask him about it. It's been a week, usually doctors ask you to check back with them. It sounds worrisome you're feeling better but still throwing up/coughing up blood. Pneumonia takes a long time to fully heal sometimes, but I'd rather be safe than sorry.

Also, couple's counseling isn't just for when two people are being toxic. He may not be doing anything wrong, but you both can benefit from going, especially since you've been taking out your anger on him. It can help him with forgiving you, you learning to not take out anger on him, helping you with your jealousy, finding out ways to help each other, etc etc.

[Pikkewyn]

I assume that you are still regularly seeing your doctor for your lung problems. When you see him/her, also tell him about your anger problems. He might be able to help you or send a doctor who can.