luhft
(?)Community Member
- Posted: Tue, 29 Jan 2013 01:22:48 +0000
I'm bipolar. I have been manic / depressive on and off over the last few years. I recognize that I need medication when I am experiencing severe mania or depression. I have been responsible in the past about seeking and following treatment. However, it's common for me to have long periods of time between episodes where I am neither manic nor depressive.
When I express that I don't feel the need to be on medication during those times, I always get a bad reaction. I get disappointed faces. People get angry at me. They seem to think I'm crazy for going off it, or at the very least being irresponsible and making a bad decision.
I understand that not being on a mood stabilizer means that, well, my mood is potentially less stable. Yet being on them affects me physically, both in the everyday sense and in the sense that they are not fantastic for one's health when taken long-term.
I really just don't think medication is benefiting me right now, and feel pretty secure in my decision to come off it. (To those who might suggest I try different medications, I have tried every one my psychiatrist recommended. She said the remaining options were not FDA approved.)
My real problem here lies in explaining this to other people and dealing with their reactions. It's very frustrating for me to feel like I'm being perceived as crazy and incapable of handling this disorder when I have acted responsibly in the past.
- Should I even tell people I'm not taking medication?
- How can I help them understand that this isn't a reckless decision?
- Any advice?
Update:
Alright, so I have been talking a lot more with my therapist about this. She made me go a lot more into my reasoning, which helped me realize it is more than me not liking this medication.
Part of it is coming from feeling like I am less creative, less myself somehow when I am taking medication. That is something that's important to me, because being able to create through writing, art, and music is a major source of validation for me.
There is also a part of being on it that makes me feel weak, because ideally I would not need outside help. I know that it doesn't make me weak to rely on others / medication, but that feeling is there.
I want people to trust my judgement. I want to trust my own judgement. As it is, I feel like all my decisions and beliefs are thrown into question the moment someone finds out I am not taking medication. That frustrates me, but I understand their concern and am grateful to have people who care in my life.
I am working with my therapist to develop a plan for how I can recognize manic / depressive symptoms and get help if I am experiencing them. I see now that it is necessary for me to tell the people who are important in my life so they can monitor my behavior and give me feedback. It is also uncomfortable to think about but there are people I must ask to get help for me if I cannot get it myself.
People may still see this as a reckless decision, but it is a decision that is important to me and there are ways for me to make it safer. I have been following a strict routine to avoid triggers, and continue working with my therapist and seeing my psychiatrist.
Thank you to everyone who replied.
When I express that I don't feel the need to be on medication during those times, I always get a bad reaction. I get disappointed faces. People get angry at me. They seem to think I'm crazy for going off it, or at the very least being irresponsible and making a bad decision.
I understand that not being on a mood stabilizer means that, well, my mood is potentially less stable. Yet being on them affects me physically, both in the everyday sense and in the sense that they are not fantastic for one's health when taken long-term.
I really just don't think medication is benefiting me right now, and feel pretty secure in my decision to come off it. (To those who might suggest I try different medications, I have tried every one my psychiatrist recommended. She said the remaining options were not FDA approved.)
My real problem here lies in explaining this to other people and dealing with their reactions. It's very frustrating for me to feel like I'm being perceived as crazy and incapable of handling this disorder when I have acted responsibly in the past.
- Should I even tell people I'm not taking medication?
- How can I help them understand that this isn't a reckless decision?
- Any advice?
Update:
Alright, so I have been talking a lot more with my therapist about this. She made me go a lot more into my reasoning, which helped me realize it is more than me not liking this medication.
Part of it is coming from feeling like I am less creative, less myself somehow when I am taking medication. That is something that's important to me, because being able to create through writing, art, and music is a major source of validation for me.
There is also a part of being on it that makes me feel weak, because ideally I would not need outside help. I know that it doesn't make me weak to rely on others / medication, but that feeling is there.
I want people to trust my judgement. I want to trust my own judgement. As it is, I feel like all my decisions and beliefs are thrown into question the moment someone finds out I am not taking medication. That frustrates me, but I understand their concern and am grateful to have people who care in my life.
I am working with my therapist to develop a plan for how I can recognize manic / depressive symptoms and get help if I am experiencing them. I see now that it is necessary for me to tell the people who are important in my life so they can monitor my behavior and give me feedback. It is also uncomfortable to think about but there are people I must ask to get help for me if I cannot get it myself.
People may still see this as a reckless decision, but it is a decision that is important to me and there are ways for me to make it safer. I have been following a strict routine to avoid triggers, and continue working with my therapist and seeing my psychiatrist.
Thank you to everyone who replied.