A really tough decsion. Could use some outside opinions...

[Ibara_NightSong]

I just resently turned 18. I'm in a relationship with a 22 year old (and we're really happy, that's not the problem). He proposed to me at christmas, and we agreed to have a two year engagement (which made my family really happy. I don't think his even noticed or cared... sad ). About a month ago he admitted the reason he was still a virgin at 20 (which is when we hooked up) is because he was scared of sex. You see when he was about 8 he went on a trip with his dad and his dad's oldest friend. His dad's friend molested him, and his dad has never known about this. I'm the only one he has ever told. I was floored because I had been through something similar when I was younger only when I told my mother she didn't believe me and didn't really care (my mom's a b***h pure and simple).

Now I know he and his dad haven't gotten along much because his dad wasn't that great of a parent when he was younger (mostly because his mom's mom chased him off, but that is no excuse and his dad knows and has admitted this). I know he wants to see his dad more to fix their relationship, but his dad's friend still is friends with his dad and is almost always there. His dad still doesn't know and he doesn't want to tell him. When he was like three his dad went to prison for a year for assualting a guy that locked him and his sister in a dark room while babysitting them and I think he's afraid of what his dad will do to the friend if he ever found out. That and I know the fear of admitting something like that happened to you.

My question is do you think I should tell his dad, confront the friend? Personally I want to butcher the friend after having all the big tough gay guys I know (which is a lot actually) rape the hell out of him then shove bamboo up his d**k and let it grow for a while before killing him, because he hurt the one I love so much. He's admitted he pretty much wants to do the same to the guy that did it to me. What do you think I should do? Should I just leave it alone and go with what my fiance wants or thinks he wants?

[Dark_Enchantress]

I think you should just be there for him, listen to him, support him...but ultimately it's his issue, his business, his decision.

[Saccharissa]

Confronting his dad about it will only bring back bad memories of the incident. However, his fear of sex should be dealt with. Counseling is a good idea.

[CajunFaery]

wow... well, at least he feels comfortable enough with you to tell you about his dark past. That means he trusts you to keep this to yourself. Try talking to him about it. Ask him why he hasn't told him dad. tell him if he ever wants to tell him, you'll be there for him. be as supportive as possible. good luck heart

[Mome]

don't YOU do anything. Just be there for him and help him through it, whatever he decides. if you take it in your hands you could ruin many things along with your relationship.

[MagicSnap]

Support his dessisions.

[Ibara_NightSong]

I'm really trying to support his choice, but its so hard to see how he looks when we go over there. He takes a lot of it out on his dad too, which I can understand why. He won't come with me to counseling either (I've been in it for a year for a number of things. Lets just say my childhood was pretty ******** up). I'm afraid of how hard he's pushing this under the surface and how bad it hurts him. He's always saying he doesn't think he'll be a good father and I think he's afraid he'll be the same as his dad or something; but he's so wonderful with our roommates baby and I know how bad he wants his own....

[Kal_El0013]

It's HIS choice for bettter or worse, but, it's a chice that he needs to make not you. When he is ready, will be the time for hm, no sooner than that

[Crimsy]

Personally, I dont think telling his father would do any good. Its 12 years down memory lane, there isnt any physcial evidence, yes theres mental damage but that can only do so much in an argument. Digging it all up now will just cause problems. Im not saying ignore it or anything, just leave it alone nothing can be done, theres nothing there to help you prove your case accept your own words. But be there for him if he decides to take it down that road, its his choice in the end.

Be there for your boyfriend. Be there for each other. Thats the best advice I can give you.