Private Roleplay

[zuisouroku]

→ Hirohide (Hyde) Nakamura

Like I'm just gonna open up and tell you everything, right off the bat? Yeah, right… Nice try. Being so open about everything, and particularly one's feelings, was such an American thing; maybe it was his parents' influence rubbing off on him, but what had happened between him and Ash remained just that, besides: a personal, private thing, never mind what he promised to tell the older male.

Still, Hyde smiled.

Sebastian had given him all the reaction he needed in order to form a concrete conclusion.

"Roommate" my a**. I knew it.

That would all change when Ash came back to the hotel with him. Or, better yet, invited him to stay over, after all. It was all the guitarist could do not to laugh; he had to keep playing the game, for now.

"So, what's there to do here in Miami, anyway?" He added after a moment, genuinely curious. "What do you do for fun?" Not that he imagined their idea of 'fun' was at all similar, but... It was worth a shot. He did have a few more days to spend before he planned to tell Ash he was there, after all.

[top tsundere]

→ Sebastian Ford

"W-well..." Sebastian, too, doubted his idea of fun was drastically different from Hyde's. "There's the beaches, obviously..." And to be quite honest, Sebastian didn't really get out very much, except when he was with Kayley or Ash.

He vaguely recalled that night at the club that seemed so long ago, taking body shots and waking up with the car parked in the yard and mystery chocolate everywhere. It was extremely irresponsible, he realized, yet he didn't regret it at all. He'd never really done those things when he was Ash's age.

"And there's clubs," he added, "the aquarium, and a few museums." All the museums he had been to, though, at least once before, even if he had gone alone on a random afternoon, but he wasn't about to tell that to Hyde, either.

I must seem like a real loser compared to you...

What kind of competition could he put up against a rock star? Someone who was younger, and exotic, more wealthy, and talented.

What was Sebastian? Just a lame thirty year old, who never really tried in school, who was now stuck in a dead-end job, and never got his life together. Or, he thought he had it together at one brief point in his life... Only now he realized he was never even close.

All those thoughts turned his stomach sour and he grimaced from the resulting stomach ache.

"It was nice meeting you," he said, finally, still avoiding Hyde's gaze. He stood, then, slowly, and continued with, "I should... get going."

[zuisouroku]

→ Hirohide (Hyde) Nakamura

"Who doesn't love the beach?" Hyde agreed with an honest smile. Surely, beaches were what Florida was most famous for. "That, and Disney World." Or Universal Studios and Islands of Adventure, for that matter. However, despite that, it seemed to him that many of Florida's own residents often took their theme parks for granted. Given the fact that they lived there and it was so accessible to them, though, he supposed he couldn't blame them.

"Clubs, hm?" He quirked a curious brow, stifling a laugh. Now that surprised him. A guy like Sebastian was the last person he'd expect to see at a night club in Miami. "Got any recommendations? Or," he added quickly, after an almost deliberate pause, "is that something I'm going to have to ask Ash?"

Though not too long afterwards, the older man stood to leave, clearly flustered. Seems my work is done, for now. The guitarist rose after him and extended his hand again with another smile.

"Right—would hate for him to get suspicious, after all. Nice meeting you. I guess I'll be seeing you again, soon."

[top tsundere]

→ Sebastian Ford

Sebastian didn't respond, merely glanced at Hyde briefly with a nod in agreement to the 'seeing you again soon' and promptly left the café. He slid back into the driver's seat of his car and sat there for a good while, stewing in his own venomous thoughts, hands clenched tightly on the gray steering wheel of the Buick.

Finally, he breathed in deeply and let out a long sigh to calm himself before he turned the key in the ignition and headed towards home...

It was a quiet afternoon at the tiny coquina abode when he pulled in the driveway. There were no neighbors to be seen or heard from, nor any dogs barking, nor children playing in the street. For that, he breathed another sigh of relief, and leisurely walked up the sidewalk to the front door.

The inside of the house was quiet, too, and for a moment, he wondered if Ash was even home.

He was here when I left...

He sucked in a breath and headed for the hallway, stopping in the doorway of Ash's room to peer inside, noticing the dark-haired male was, in fact, there, sitting on his bed with his laptop in his lap.

"Hey..." he offered quietly, with a forced smile as he tentatively stepped through the threshold of the doorway and made his way over to the bed, sitting down next to his counterpart. He reached out and slowly closed the laptop with one hand before he picked it up and placed it on the side table where it would be out of the way.

Now that he had Ash's complete and undivided attention, he leaned in to kiss him, flicking his tongue out against Ash's lips every now and then and teasingly biting at his lower lip before he finally broke away, only to move to the other male's ear. He nipped at the lobe a few times before he murmured, plainly, "******** me."

[zuisouroku]

→ Asher (Ash) McLean

Indeed, Ash was still there, sitting on the bed with his laptop just as Sebastian left him, quietly murmuring phrases to himself. He was so absorbed in his task, in fact, that he hadn't even heard the older male come in and nearly jumped when a voice other than his own broke the silence.

"Oh, you're back," he sighed, relieved once he saw who it was, and smiled despite his heart still pounding in his chest. "Get all those errands done?"

But the response he received was far from what he was expecting.

"What—?" He began to ask, but was no sooner cut off as Sebastian so quickly leaned in and flicked his tongue at his lips, leaving him with nowhere to go but further back, against the headboard of the bed. "Seb, I—" He started again, but Sebastian refused to let him finish, that brief pause he took only turning out to be a fake-out, a fact he realized just a little too late: as the older male moved from biting his lips to his earlobes, Ash moaned sharply. "Ah!"

[******** me."

Those words, coupled with Sebastian's heated breath on his ear sent a deliberate shiver coursing down his spine, too strong for him to hide; almost immediately, he could feel the pit of his stomach flutter and dip in anticipation, his face getting hotter by the second.

"R-right now? What brought this on? Not that I'm complaining, but..."

It was a little strange, being the first thing out of his counterpart's mouth as soon as he walked through the door.

Did something happen while he was out?

[top tsundere]

→ Sebastian Ford

"Yeah, right now..." he hummed in response; he leaned back for a moment and grasped the bottom of his black v-neck, pulling it up and over his head slowly, succeeding in messing up even more his already messy chestnut hair, before he tossed the shirt aside where it drifted to the carpet floor below.

He leaned back in, again, and continued the kiss, only breaking away again for a moment as he grasped Ash's shirt and lifted it off of him, too, where it joined the other one the carpet just as quickly in a steadily growing pile of clothing.

"Please," he murmured as he buried his face in the crook of his counterpart's neck, breathing in his scent and grazing his teeth over the tender skin, there, while the fingers of one hand tangled in Ash's dark hair, and the other arm wrapped around Ash's bare back, pulling him closer. "Please, just..."

Even if it's just this once.

Using his weight and his arms, he leaned back and pulled Ash along with him so that the other male was situated on top. He craned his head upwards and connected his lips with Ash's once more, this time in a much more sloppy kiss, his tongue exploring the other male's mouth, and his hands roaming his body, leaving no room for any arguments, this time.

[zuisouroku]

→ Asher (Ash) McLean

He could feel it in the the way he pulled away, how his kisses got weaker and weaker; in the uncertainty of his hands...

Things had turned sour.

Fast.

But... Why?

Even as gently as Sebastian had moved him aside, Asher felt as if he'd been shoved, though it was the older man's words that were the real clincher, how they almost painfully hung in the air.

Why?

However, by the time he reached to grab the hand that brushed the hair from his face, it was too late: the gap widened between them, and he merely watched the other go, still leaning part way off the bed. His heart beat wildly against his ribcage.

Why would you...?

Just what had happened, a few hours ago?



"What the actual ********, Sebastian?"

The bathroom door opened with a harsh thud, and Ash's voice cut through the sound of the water like a hot knife through butter as he yanked the curtain back.

"What was that all about? You can't just...jump me, the minute you come home, and then just—just—"

He could feel himself shaking in spite of himself, but he refused to look away, even as his vision slowly began to blur from angry tears.

[********]

Just something about how he said those words...

"What happened, earlier? What aren't you telling me?"

Unless...

His anger quickly faded into dread, and his hand dropped from the curtain back to his side, trembling slightly.

Unless it has something to do with Hyde?

Which wasn't entirely unlikely, now that he really thought about it, especially given how close to the concert it was. In fact, he wouldn't have been surprised if the guitarist was here in Florida, already.

Suddenly, he felt extremely ill.

"N-never mind... Forget it. I'm sorry."

I'm such a ******** hypocrite.

"Take your shower. I'm gonna go smoke."



But even the sinking feeling in the pit of stomach didn't stop him from putting his phone up to his ear and making that call, once finally outside.

"Ne, Hiro... Are you here, yet?"

Sebastian had all the right to feel uncomfortable, jealous, even angry.

I don't deserve his love, anyway.

[top tsundere]

→ Sebastian Ford

It would be a lie if Sebastian wasn't startled, at first, by Ash's voice cutting through the misty air and the sound of the door swinging open, but he should have expected an outburst sooner or later; Ash wasn't a quiet person like Sebastian was. Ash didn't let his anger and frustrations boil inside of him silently until it was too much to bear.

Once Ash left, Sebastian let out a long, shaky sigh, his hands and arms and legs still trembling for the remained of his shower, and every movement of his body felt forced, like his muscles had given up and his energy had drained with the remainder of the soap and water.

He finally exited the shower and dried himself off, then dragged himself down the hallway to his room and sluggishly dressed himself in loose, clean clothes.

Despite feeling like not doing much else, he went on a small scavenger hunt for his car keys, determined in at least to disappear for a while. A drive sounded like an even more welcome reprieve than a shower.

With the two front windows rolled down about half way and the radio off, he backed out of the driveway and aimlessly drifted down the streets, at one point stopped too long at a red light, lost in his own musings until the driver in a truck behind him laid on the horn and swerved around the silver Buick. Sebastian could hear the man yell, 'a*****e!' from out his window but the occurrence didn't effect him at all. He sighed again and made a U-turn at the light.

I even sat in with him when he called Hyde the first time... He confessed to me that he was still in love with him. Why am I being such a fool? Why did I ever think I had a chance?

But, thinking about that memory had his mind going further, to the subsequent conversation they had afterwards... Ash had talked about his favorite foods, and had given Sebastian his horoscope.

He smiled to himself.

Sushi... Curry... and red velvet cake... with cream cheese frosting.

I really owe him an apology.

Well, he had no idea where to get a ready-made curry dish but sushi and red velvet cake were definitely doable. On impulse, he made a stop at the nearby supermarket on the way home, bought some of their fresh sushi and two slices of red velvet cake, then went home.

Once he entered the house, it seemed quiet, so he put the food on the table and sucked in a breath before tentatively and somewhat quietly calling, "Hey, Ash? I'm gonna be honest here... I have no idea what the hell I just bought..."

[zuisouroku]

→ Asher (Ash) McLean

"What, you want to see me that badly?" Hyde could be heard chuckling on the other end of the line. "Nah, not yet—"

"When?"

"—the 13th."

That's this Sunday, Ash realized. Six days from now. A fact which he wasn't sure made him feel better or worse.

The lie was so smooth, he couldn't even tell that Hyde was, in fact, already there, as Sebastian knew.

"Is everyone else gonna be with you?"

Again, the guitarist laughed. "Of course! Why wouldn't they be?" He paused, however briefly, but instead of asking him if he was okay, as Ash suspected, he changed the subject slightly, almost knowingly. "They'll want to see you, too. Why don't we all go grab dinner together that night or something?"

"Oh? Y-yeah, sounds great. If not, I'm sure we'll figure something out... Text me, okay?"

"Yeah. See you then."

Of course, it wasn't until afterwards that he realized that he was still in only the boxers he had just half-thrown on; the same ones he'd been wearing, before, and still covered in a manner of both his own and Sebastian's now dried bodily fluids, at which he resisted the urge to laugh.

Not that I was gonna take a shower with him still in it, though…

But now as he came back into the house, that phone call and two cigarettes later, it seemed Sebastian had left.

Should've expected that, I guess.

It would give him some time to take that shower, and start on the laundry, at least. Those sheets needed to be washed, as did their clothes.



By the time Sebastian came calling, he was out of the shower and in the middle of transferring the sheets from the washer to the dryer, and their clothes in turn from the basket to the washer.

"Bought? Bought what?" He began, following the other's voice until he met up with him, frozen in place if but for the moment, his fingers halfway through his still damp hair, wide-eyded and staring at the table, lips parted every so slightly.

An assortment of fresh sushi and two slices of red velvet cake, with what he could only guess was real cream cheese frosting on top.

You remembered... You actually remembered.

"Seb, I..."

He honestly didn't know what to say; he could feel himself smile, despite the constricting feeling in his chest.

"What's all this?"

But now that the older male had gone out of his way to apologize for something that hadn't even technically been his fault, Ash felt even more at a loss.

Maybe it wasn't the best time to bring up Hyde or what had happened earlier, after all.

[top tsundere]

→ Sebastian Ford

"It's nothing, really, I just..." he started. I was just thinking about it and I... He chewed his bottom lip for a moment first and then shrugged his shoulders and finished the sentence with, "I thought you might be hungry, if you haven't eaten already. I can't say I've had much sushi in my life, but I'm willing to try it."

He hoped that he had gotten the point across without actually saying it outright. I'm sorry.

"And the lady at the counter wasn't very enthralled that I didn't know what to get..." he laughed in spite of himself as he fiddled around in one of the cupboards for two glasses, and then dared to ask, "What is your favorite sushi roll anyways?" Not like it mattered, like it would come in handy for future reference or something, but... He wanted to know, anyways. He didn't know why.

He had expected Ash to still be angry when he got back, too, but the young man didn't seem at all vicious. Sebastian had noticed his smile when he glanced so quickly from those almond eyes to Ash's lips and back.

[zuisouroku]

→ Asher (Ash) McLean

Just when I was about to ask what you were planning on eating. He thought, and though the smile on his face grew a little wider and his shoulders shook with a silent chuckle, the tightness in his chest only worsened.

"Are you sure, though?" He asked, however his voice came out a lot quieter than he intended; he quickly cleared his throat and added, more audibly, "I know you hate seafood."

Not that Ash didn't appreciate the effort, but...

I should be the one apologizing. Surely Sebastian knew that. But here the older man was, laughing at himself and trying to carry on a conversation as if nothing had happened.

I can't stay mad at you, anyway.

Especially when he really had no right to be angry in the first place, given the circumstances. What churned in the pit of his stomach now was nothing but guilt.

Still, the younger male kept his smile, and even dared to joke a little.

"For not knowing what to get, you did a pretty decent job—tuna, salmon, eel... Jeez, how much did you get? You're definitely gonna have to help me eat all this." He laughed. There were also some rainbow rolls and nigiri mixed in there, as well as the ever-popular California roll. Not that he imagined Seb knew what any of them were, really, but that was okay: he'd gladly explain them, if asked.

"My favorite, though? Salmon. You'd probably like tuna—it's a good substitute for steak. But, if you don't, I can always cook you something else."

If he could keep any of it down in the first place, that was.

"You wanna try chopsticks again, or just stick with a fork?"

[top tsundere]

→ Sebastian Ford

He chuckled a little, again, remembering the last time he had wrestled with chopsticks. "Well... I can always try," he said, timidly, with another little laugh at himself. "B-but don't worry about me. If I end up not eating any sushi after all, I'll figure something out."

Salmon. He logged that in the back of his mind, whether or not there would be a next time for sushi.

"Is it... I mean, will you be alright?" he asked, suddenly, motioning to Ash's jaw. "Now that I think about it, you probably shouldn't strain yourself any more than you have, and..." Buying all the food for Ash had been such a spur-of-the-moment thing, and now he was having second thoughts and doubts about even that.

You're never gonna heal at this rate... Which was partially Sebastian's fault, too...

[zuisouroku]

→ Asher (Ash) McLean

"Hey, at least we aren't out in public, this time," the younger male added along with his own soft laughter, fondly recalling the same memory. "You only have me to embarrass yourself in front of, now." Which, thankfully enough, he supposed, wouldn't be very embarrassing at all.

Although it made his chest hurt even more, just thinking about it—and his breath caught in throat if but for moment when Sebastian broke the silence with another question.

"Ah... I'll be fine," he began; however, now that it was brought back to his attention, the dull ache in question was quick to return to the front of his mind. "It still hurts," he wouldn't lie about that, at least, "but I think it's almost healed, honestly. As long as I take it easy from here on out." Never mind that I've been terrible about following the doctor's orders from the start.

Not to mention, too, that he still didn't know where drunk!Sebastian had hidden the rest of his medication, that one night.

Like hell the pain'll stop me from singing, though...

"Fracture or no, don't think I won't eat it after you went through all the trouble of buying it."

Even if it makes me sick.

Which he was already feeling enough of without the added help of food in his mouth or stomach, thanks to his increasing guilt-ridden anxiety; just looking at it, looking at him, was more than enough. He could work his way through the sushi, even if he had to sit there for an hour, but the cake...

I'll be surprised if I can manage more than two bites.

With that, Ash moved to sit down at the table, his body turned slightly sideways in the chair facing the older male—ready to get up and make a break for the bathroom, just in case he did in fact end up needing to, once they started eating.

"Mind making me some tea? Pretty sure I still have green tea, somewhere."

It killed him to ask, but anything to delay the inevitable; even if all that really did was make his anxiety worse, in the end.

[top tsundere]

→ Sebastian Ford

Of course... he had to know that having this meal wouldn't help Ash's injury at all. Still, he was selfishly glad to hear that Ash still wanted to eat it.

"Tea? Sure," he responded, then promptly went about the kitchen in search of the green tea bags and a coffee mug. He poured the water into a glass measuring cup first and put that in the microwave to heat it up so that the mug and its handle wouldn't be scalding hot.

Sebastian leaned against the counter while the microwave buzzed behind him. His eyes wandered around the room but they were quickly and inevitably drawn back to the younger male sitting down at the table. He didn't exactly notice that Ash wasn't feeling well just by looking at him, but the silence itself was a bit stifling and off. Something was wrong. Even Sebastian could tell that much.

Maybe he doesn't want it, after all.

"You... you okay?" he asked, quietly, tentatively. He wondered if he'd done something else wrong. I still haven't outright apologized for what happened earlier, either... "W-we can eat later, if you want. It's no big deal. I just..." his voice grew smaller and quieter, if it was even possible, and he shook his head, breaking eye contact with Ash. He tried to shrug as if it was really, no big deal. "I wanted to apologize for jumping you, earlier, and then acting weird, afterwards... I know it upset you."

[zuisouroku]

→ Asher (Ash) McLean

"No, it's fine—" Ash desperately tried to cut him off, but was no sooner forced into an uncomfortable silence yet again, all too easily overpowered by Sebastian's small, pitiful voice. Stop it, he wanted to scream, just sit down and eat already and stop talking about it! Please… I don't want to hear anymore.

Why else would he have tried to act normal?

But the older man simply couldn't leave it well enough alone, and the apology twisted in the pit of his empty stomach like a dull knife. He could feel the bile rise up in his throat, and the ringing in his ears drowned out the rest.

"I—" he tried again, yet was quick to regret it when it was all he could do not to throw up right then and there at the table. He covered his mouth with one hand and swallowed hard, thinking he could handle it and possibly regain his composure but the sour, metallic taste was enough to make him gag twice over. He lurched forward suddenly before he scrambled down the hall and into the bathroom, firmly locking the door behind him, unsure of whether his muted, gurgled "Sorry," had even reached the other.

The force of his expulsion was enough to bring tears to his eyes and he blindly reached to turn on the faucet in a feeble attempt to drown out the noise. (As if that would make Sebastian worry any less.)

[********]

His body shook with muffled sobs and his throat was raw and burning but the toilet seat felt cool and comforting against his cheeks and forehead.

It did. It did upset me… But I had no right to be upset, and you know why. He was ashamed to be in the bathroom even now. You know why. And all he was doing was making things worse, for himself as well as for Sebastian.

Still, Ash laid there against the toilet seat for some time, until his heaving finally passed. He then got up, slowly, and rinsed out his mouth and washed and dried his face before finally turning off the faucet, unlocking the door, and returning to the kitchen.

Sebastian sat there, clearly uncomfortable, having had brought the tea—now bordering on cold—to the table. He took a sip, nursing it in his mouth for a moment. It hurt to swallow.

"Thanks," he offered quietly after another moment and sat down again, picking up his chopsticks.

You don't have to say anything. Although a small part of him wished that he would.

Regardless, he could already tell that things weren't going to be the same.

I really ******** up.

Things were bound to only get more awkward from here.


(( eugh... sorry for this post. ))