I'm praying for you all, this topic makes me grieve,
As a Christian myself, I wish everyone to know that there are answers, you have to seek them. There are better churches, better demoninations. Many exciting Churches, like
The church of Eleven Twenty two, and
Cedarcreek Church are coming up, I'd suggest watching a service if you have the time. There may even be local seminary colleges that you could drive to and maybe ask a dean or a few students where they get their faith and evidence to lock in their faith.
I pray that you can still have an open heart. My private messages are open, if you wish to converse.