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Hey my friend and I have been working on a web comic for awhile, and I decided that I should promote it a little.
Its a one shot and my first ever project.
It's almost complete so please tell me what you guy's think of it so far!
Trouble Maker Web Comic
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Your link is invalid.
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You messed up the link. You only need one "http". You have two.

There're typos, it seems like the style and quality changes from one page to another, I don't see why it's read right to left, and the ending's kind of abrupt.

I do like the mix of settings and how I never have to wonder where anyone is, the mix of angles, and the variety of people's facial expressions.

It's an entertaining webcomic. I'd read whatever new one you made in the future.
The Zorya
Your link is invalid.

Fixed the problem
I think it looks really good! There are some places you might wanna clean it up you can see some sketching and pencil in some places. The story is great though, I would buy it if it were on the shelf in the book store I go to.
Wow you did really great! biggrin
I ran into a few grammar fails and it kinda threw me off, but overall, i really like it. ^^
Oration's avatar

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I have a short attention span and nothing really drew me in.
Kyousouka's avatar

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Once I figured out that the pages were read right to left, your panelling was quite easy to follow. The pacing was good for the most part.
I question the decision to make it right-to-left since the text is in English, but it doesn't render the comic unreadable.

It would help if you were more careful with your speech bubble placement. You're considering your speech bubbles in the composition of each page, but not in the overall page. You should be using the speech bubbles to lead the eye between panels.. If you have two speech bubbles from different panels close together, the reader will jump from one to the other and skip the panels that may have come after. Since you do often have a number of vertically stacked panels next to a large panel, I often find myself accidentally skipping the lower of those panels because of your speech bubble placement. If you draw a line connecting your speech bubbles in their reading order, it should never come close to connecting to itself, except when you're specifically going for a confusing/cyclic effect.

Your artwork was a turn-off. Although you put commendable effort into it, your style is an amalgamation of various Shounen JUMP artists' styles, and their weaker points at that. It feels like you're blindly copying these other artists without analysing the strengths and flaws in their work.

Your perspective work is strong, but I saw some nonsensical door panels, etc. Are you actually familiar with perspective and architecture, or are you copying photos? It feels quite questionable at times.


I didn't get very far into the story. There was nothing to grab me. You're jumping around too much to get the reader to care about any one character enough to keep reading. I get that you're trying to get us to care about the setting/situation, but I'm afraid that's not how it works. Ultimately, it's whether the readers can get attached to the main/recurring characters quickly. If they can't, they're unlikely to keep reading.

You've also got a very telly (versus showy) part where you introduce the trouble maker law thing with narration. Yawn. Work that sort of information into the story (action/dialogue), don't take the reader out of the action just to explain something they're not likely to care about.

Have someone proofread your text. You've got some missing punctuation, and at least one instance of confusing "your" and "you're."
Kyousouka
Once I figured out that the pages were read right to left, your panelling was quite easy to follow. The pacing was good for the most part.
I question the decision to make it right-to-left since the text is in English, but it doesn't render the comic unreadable.

It would help if you were more careful with your speech bubble placement. You're considering your speech bubbles in the composition of each page, but not in the overall page. You should be using the speech bubbles to lead the eye between panels.. If you have two speech bubbles from different panels close together, the reader will jump from one to the other and skip the panels that may have come after. Since you do often have a number of vertically stacked panels next to a large panel, I often find myself accidentally skipping the lower of those panels because of your speech bubble placement. If you draw a line connecting your speech bubbles in their reading order, it should never come close to connecting to itself, except when you're specifically going for a confusing/cyclic effect.

Your artwork was a turn-off. Although you put commendable effort into it, your style is an amalgamation of various Shounen JUMP artists' styles, and their weaker points at that. It feels like you're blindly copying these other artists without analysing the strengths and flaws in their work.

Your perspective work is strong, but I saw some nonsensical door panels, etc. Are you actually familiar with perspective and architecture, or are you copying photos? It feels quite questionable at times.


I didn't get very far into the story. There was nothing to grab me. You're jumping around too much to get the reader to care about any one character enough to keep reading. I get that you're trying to get us to care about the setting/situation, but I'm afraid that's not how it works. Ultimately, it's whether the readers can get attached to the main/recurring characters quickly. If they can't, they're unlikely to keep reading.

You've also got a very telly (versus showy) part where you introduce the trouble maker law thing with narration. Yawn. Work that sort of information into the story (action/dialogue), don't take the reader out of the action just to explain something they're not likely to care about.

Have someone proofread your text. You've got some missing punctuation, and at least one instance of confusing "your" and "you're."

Sense I'm not the artist I don't really have anything to say about the art criticism, but I will show the artist this post though.

As for the writing criticism; I'm really going to use it for future projects.
Some of your points I kinda realized on my own; like the intro...Reading it now I kinda wish I gave that info in a different way. About the character criticism...I don't really know what to say because that wasn't really on purpose. I understand that it's up to the reader to care, and I can't really force them to. I'll make sure that I don't do that in my next project.
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it is alright. there are rooms to improve. good efforts tho.
Okay so here are my thoughts so far;

I have the say that the art style itself isn't something I personally enjoy that much. However that's just my own personal taste as I'm not really much of a shonen art fan. Objectively it's obvious the artist has put a lot of effort in making it an aesthetically pleasing webcomic and they do pull it off a heck of a lot better than most webcomics I've seen. The only thing I could add is maybe clean up the line work so it l looks less scribly, if that makes sense?

Storywise, again, it's not really my thing but I can definitely imagine those who are into Shonen/action/etc will at least be intrigued by the story's premise. The main characters are a little two dimensional at the moment though but I can imagine that you will flesh out their characters over time. Also, and this is really just a nitpick, the two protagonists seem a little on the young side for the profession they're in. Apart from that so far so good.

Now speech is where my main concern lies. At the moment the dialogue is a little ham fisted and I noticed quite a few typos and spelling mistakes. Don't get me wrong typos happen to the best of us and heck my spelling is pretty awful most of the time too, but if you want your comic to be taken more seriously then if I were you I'd ask a friend if they can beta read your dialogue first. You know, just to be on the safe side.

Overall though your webcomic is pretty decent. All my criticisms are easy to fix and there are no fundamental flaws so far. Honestly it's not bad. In fact I'm pleassantly surprised with how not terrible it is. I've seen a whole lot of s**t in my time on the internet and avoid webcomics like the plague most of the time but with yours...I don't know, I might decide to keep my eye on it and see things progress.

So yeah, not bad. biggrin
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I'm also part of that website.
I thought it was fairly interesting
I made sure to leave a comment

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