Dirty Little Secrets [Announcement 11/8/2023| Reminder 2024]

Before I go, I've got to know:

Is that what you mean to say?	29.4%	[ 756 ]
Before I rise to my defense,	5.0%	[ 128 ]
Before I speak in hurt or fear,	5.6%	[ 144 ]
Before I build that wall of words,	4.3%	[ 111 ]
Tell me: did I really hear?	10.1%	[ 261 ]
Words are windows, or they're walls,	9.7%	[ 250 ]
They sentence us, or set us free.	6.2%	[ 159 ]
When I speak and when I hear,	3.0%	[ 76 ]
Let the love light shine through me.	26.7%	[ 687 ]
Total Votes:			[ 2572 ]

[Amanda]

"So y'all get dat a**."
rofl
I think I woke people up laughing about that.
********, I needed that laugh.
Bless you. heart

--

I'm hoping to get through this month with minimal incident.
Like, no breakdowns or anything like that. Though... Eh.
I know it's not likely to happen. March is always a s**t month.
At least for me.

[cosmosredshift7]

----

lmfao why would i pay 1 million gold to marry someone on here????
what is this bullshit

----

[ghostsinwhite]

smile into the chaos

Sweet, the rest of Full House is on Netflix 4laugh

[ghostsinwhite]

i got all excited to get on here tonight and post something in DLS
and now, i've completely forgotten what it was

[ghostsinwhite]

living alone can be nice because you don't have to be told what to do
nobody eats your food
you can walk around naked if you really want to

but at the same time, it gets really lonely especially at night

[cosmosredshift7]

----

super happy with my new avi and name
blaugh

--

lmao
i need to get to bed
******** it's already 4

[smile into the chaos]

ghostsinwhite

living alone can be nice because you don't have to be told what to do
nobody eats your food
you can walk around naked if you really want to

but at the same time, it gets really lonely especially at night

[ghostsinwhite]

i got to see the northern lights tonight!
i even convinced M to come out with me for a drive once he finished work
they were beautiful,
even though it was cloudy & they weren't very bright.. i'm glad we were able to see them

[ghostsinwhite]

i've had a lot of comments being made about me lately in RL
and honestly,
i'm sorry if i ever ruined your day or stole your spotlight
i'm not going to stunt in the slightest and say i've changed in any way,
but i do regret starting the fire to any bridges that may have burned
on that sort of sincere note, i am searching for meaningful relationships of any sort.
any grudges still held against me should be treated like Kanye's pink polo, and thrown the f**k out

[ghostsinwhite]

it's really hard to be with you some days
i know we grew up differently and we see things a different way
but it's really hard to understand where you're coming from
because you have one of the worst ways of explaining what you're thinking
and sometimes it comes off as rude

i'm more than supportive when it comes to your OCD.
i try my best every day to see things the way you do, and to relate to you
and i try not to get offended when you tell me i need to clean my apartment
but i don't want to be a disappointment to you, either

that's one of the things i'm scared of the most
is disappointing you or letting you down
or not being enough for you when you need me to be

[shiny spoink]

1:20am.not late enough.
I'm feeling empty tonight.
Feelings there, but not.
Blasting music in the bathtub.
Just laying in the water.
I feel really lonely.
Lonely & empty, that's how I'd describe it.

When I think about it, I've just realized I don't really have many friends left.
Well damn.

[shiny spoink]

Irl, for sure I just have C.
J is mia right now. Don't know if we'll speak again.

I have a few friends online, but I haven't really been talking to them. It's not that I'm ignoring them, because we never talk. Just seems like neither of us starts a conversation.
But even then, I'm no longer friends with E and A.
So much for "besties forever"
lol.
It doesn't bother me much though.
I've accepted the fact that E and A are no longer in my life.

I may just have to accept that about J too. But we'll see.

[brighterskies]

When I lived alone I had a boyfriend who I woke up to practically every morning.

Agh why was I so crazy to mess that up.


Man the reason I don't want a relationship is because I just can't handle it.

I mean I can start my meds again when I get money and healthcare but I've never been in a relationship on meds, so Idk if it would be much of a difference.
And I just hate that.
But I'm working on it.
But still I feel pyscho.
Ugh.

I don't know.

I miss....Holding hands, cuddles, being extremely smiley beside someone like when you talk to them you just being beside them you just can't stop staring at them and just smiling, and just having someone there and night so you don't need a nightlight (I'm afraid of the dark so I keep my comp on) LOOOo And of course I miss the sex where you actually feel something like a connection and feel like this is supposed to happen.

Belgh But I don't miss:
fighting, conflicting thoughts and emotions, crying.
Crap like that

[shiny spoink]

My psych would just tell me, "why don't you make new friends?"
he's told me that a few different times. He better have a laundry list of friends, otherwise he doesn't realize how hard it is.

The only thing remotely close to a therapist I have is him. I don't see other professionals. So I have no one to help me through what I'm going through.

I don't have the money to pay for a therapist. I'm running out of money as it is for my pills. Soon I can't buy those anymore.

My parents don't have money to help me. They can't pay for me to see a therapist, and they can't pay for my meds.
So many people are lucky to have money, or have someone else pay for their mental help. I'm one of those unfortunate people that desperately needs help, but can't even begin to afford it. I'm happy for the people that are able to get help, but what about me?

I realize some people don't even get meds like I do because they can't afford it, so I'm grateful for being able to get some.

I know I need a therapist, but it's not an option.

[Amanda]

I wonder if we'll have another night where we both stay up all night together and get silly...