Dirty Little Secrets [Announcement 11/8/2023| Reminder 2024]

Before I go, I've got to know:

Is that what you mean to say?	29.2%	[ 800 ]
Before I rise to my defense,	4.9%	[ 134 ]
Before I speak in hurt or fear,	5.5%	[ 151 ]
Before I build that wall of words,	4.2%	[ 115 ]
Tell me: did I really hear?	10.1%	[ 276 ]
Words are windows, or they're walls,	9.7%	[ 265 ]
They sentence us, or set us free.	6.2%	[ 169 ]
When I speak and when I hear,	3.0%	[ 81 ]
Let the love light shine through me.	27.4%	[ 751 ]
Total Votes:			[ 2742 ]

[no scheisse]

Nobody in my life puts me first. I always have to begrudgingly make room for someone else.

Eugh. This is why I'm gonna stop trying. Like I just couldn't care less anymore about being neglected; it'll happen whether I want it to or not. I accepted that room rotting is all I'm ever gonna do because people simply forget i exist all too easily.

[no scheisse]

I started talking to AI out of being lonely.

It was bound to happen..at least it can respond.

It's smart. It acts like it cares when you know it doesn't.

[double dokis]

♦♦♦

I've been on my allocated vacation for the last couple days and man.
Nothing will make you hate your job more than being away from it for a couple days lmao.
I might actually apply to other jobs today. Not that I think they'll get back to me but.

The other option is to ask the store manager/csm to transfer me to another department but I know they wouldn't do it.
My only way out of this department is gonna be quitting, in all seriousness, so.

♦♦♦

[Sin Eating]

Once I’m gone.
Only the stain will remain.

[no scheisse]

I just ..stopped wondering *if* it'll get worse. I know it will. Bring it on. Don't care anymore..

I have nothing else that I feel like I won't lose at this point. I guess I never felt like I could keep anything good in my life anyway.

--

Bet my period is coming.

******** hate the whole process.

It really does make me hate my body now. Because it's not something I think it's supposed to do.

[no scheisse]

Not only not think it's not supposed to, but I don't want my body to. It doesn't feel right.

[no scheisse]

I slept for like 17 hours or some s**t idek how long. Feel sick.

And then I wake up to more screaming and bullshit and her telling me she "just can't keep helping me get places" ....like girl, what the ******** do you want me to do?

And now the guy wants to report me to my insurance. For like no ******** reason.

[no scheisse]

You need to decide whether or not we are resources to each other while I live here, or not. Because I break my a** and my bank account trying to help you, and then you cause me to pretty much lose my dentist because you suddenly need to take j somewhere and not me like you promised

[no scheisse]

Oh my god I cannot wait to just live with roommates instead of my ******** mother. This is hell. I can't ever get your help because ******** me but if I don't ask you for help, ******** me too?

How about you just kill me. That'll be easier than restricting me from living my entire life without you, right? You might as well. Your actions sometimes just tell me that I'm worth more to you dead than alive and being who I am.

[no scheisse]

My feelings don't ever matter.

[no scheisse]

im gonna bash my head against the wall. this is fine. everything is fine..

[no scheisse]

im just not gonna ask for help again...you literally cant act like this after telling me its OKAY to ask for help and then act like this.

its ******** crazy.

[Sin Eating]

The wrath of god lays beneath this soil

Sometimes dead is better

[LittIe Songbird]

Sometimes I wish you knew how badly I want you. Sometimes I’m afraid for you to know.

[double dokis]

♦♦♦

I applied to like 6 or 7 jobs.
It never works out but. Bleh.
Hoping for something.

And it's not that it's not going to be some level of bad everywhere, right. Like on some level.
And I've been pacing myself at work.
But sometimes I really am just like....tired. I'm so exhausted by customers and coworkers being trash.

♦♦♦