About
Alysson Roxanne Lapena
November 12th, 2oo8, it was 4 days before my birthday. The day that I recieved the best early present and the day I fell in love with her. From the start, I thought we would only last for a couple of weeks, but I was wrong about that prediction. We actually made it for 5 months. During those 5 months we've been having some arguments and fights, until one day I was the one who blew it off. I can never forgive myself for hurting such a girl like her. In order to get her back into my arms, I need to be able and willing enough to gain 100 percent of her trust back. Someway, somehow I'll get it back to the fullest of her trust. It's hard to believe that someone so precious to you that you can love... can also hurt. I've been through so much with her. I don't want any guy to be spitting their game at her because I'll rise from the bottom all the way to the top, just to be with her. I know I have used some sugar coated words, but now I've learned that I can't use that. Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words out of someone can actually hurt me. I really love her and I need her in my life. I don't care what other people say, I'll be loving her more than ever. I know my chances with her can be so little that a flea can see it, but I just need one chance to be with her. Make all this drama go away. I wanna play my part right, no more playing around with other people. I want to set goals with Alysson and for myself. I'm going to marry her someday and have a great life. I know that I screwed up so many chances with her in the past and she screwed up too. But we're both human and we're still young. We're naive, stubborn, hardheaded, and picky. Teenagers like us are still learning how an adult can live his/her life. She's my life and my everything. She makes all the bad things go away, but I'm the one who causes it to come back. I don't know how sorry I can be to her, knowing that I hurt her. With Alysson, I can be anything I want to be. She gives me confidence in myself to do smart choices and be a good person. I can't stop myself from preventing bad things from happening. I have big mouth and awful things go through it. Alysson is my angel and my hero. I can type infinite things about her. She's so important to me, that if I ever lose her for good... there will be no light in my life. It'll be all dark and I can't ever see without her. She's my guidance through my whole life. We have so many things in common that she's like the best of me. You can say she's my better half. We reflect like eachother off a mirror in a maze. She tells me everything about her, but I don't. I need to tell her that I can tell her my most deepest secret there is. From now on, I'll open up to her and not hide and run away. I gotta step my game up for this girl. She's truely amazing. Her voice and her laugh is so cute. I don't want to miss anything about her. We text every single day and i don't want that cycle to end. I want more things to come out of our relationship. I want to be the one to stand by her side all the time and hold her and tell her " Everything is going to be okay. I promise. " My promises for her can be gone, but I can refresh my promises and make new ones. Ones I can keep and never break. I'll be her hero and her savior whenever she needs help. No girl or boy will ever stand in our way from now on. If they try to some between us, I swear that I'll knock down their wall. I'll hold Alysson's hand through it all if I have to. She makes me smile and gives me weak knees. She makes me nervous on the phone sometimes. The way she says my name makes me want to fall asleep to her voice. Her face, body, and personality is all I need from her. She's practically the one I need to survive in this cruel world. I want her to teach me things and I also want to teach her things too. She makes me feel like there's no one else in this world that matters. I hate being apart from her, especially at school. I think about her the whole entire day. I can't concentrate or focus because she's always on my mind 24/7. Every mili-second, second, minute, hour, day, week, month, and year... I'll be loving her so much. She's simply out of this world. I want to run away with her to our own little world and galaxy. Population of 2 and no cell phones allowed. Just me and her against everything. Through thick or think I still have her back. It'll be hard to be stuck in the friendzone with her, but I'll give her time to think about " us " before anything happens. Hopefully GOD will make her comeback to me. It will be a miricle if she did comeback. I really need her so badly that I would walk 1,000 miles just to get with her that day. One chance is all I need to clear the mess I spilled. One chance to prove my eternal lover for her. One chance to make her mine forever. One chance to make all the bad people go away for good. I'll keep telling her those bedtime stories and my dreams about her. She gives me goosebumps all the time. My palms start sweating a little when I think about her too much. She's my babygirl and I don't ever want anything bad to happen to her. I would risk my life just to be her angel and see how far she can go in the future. i would never leave her because she's my key out of my own world and into her world. She gives me butterflies in my stomach when she says that she misses me and loves me. I love remembering the good times with her and I never want to think of the bad times. She's such a smart girl with a good head on her shoulders. She can almost do anything if she puts her mind on it. I just need her back into my life so badly, but I don't want to rush on her decision. I know what I did to her was ******** up. I feel hella bad for doing it to her. I learned my lesson and I try to fix every problem. Everything I do always breaks down and explodes in my face. I don't want to beg for forgivness or even let her take my pity. If she leaves me then she leaves me, I don't really know what to do. I'm speechless at the moment. My heart is hurting more than hers because I was the one who did it. Honestly, I do love her and I want to be her man forever. But it seems to me that she moved on to bigger and better things, while I'm stuck in the past thinking... I can't help but wait for this girl forever. I don't want to move on, I want to stay where I am. Think things through and hopefully find a place in her heart again. I'm not risking anything to break it. I just can't believe what I did to her. I'm such an idiot for doing it. Now on the phone, it's hard to talk to her like I used to. I can't help but just break down and cry. I hate this feeling of being alone. It hurts so much right now. I know she can't trust me and I understand. I can't trust myself either. I'm a mystery and I don't know what to do. My head is full of crap and stupid things. I wanna throw my brain away and get a new one. UGH ! Why did I have to do it ? Why did I have to hurt her ? Why can't I just think before I do something ? Questions are running through my mind. Regrets can overflow me right now. Being in this positon hurts so much right now. I just want to leave this place and be alone forever, but hopefully I don't have to be alone. Alysson could be there for me, but I don't think she will. Everything happens for a reason and that reason is me and my stupid a** problems. Why can't I be normal ? Why am I like this ? Why oh why did I have to hurt her so badly !? Why can't I answer my own questions ? Am I scared enough to say something to her ? Why do I keep holding back ? How do I make things clearer for her to see who I actually can be ? What can I do now ? What should I do now ? What would I do now ? WHAT COULD I DO NOW ? Empty spaces are killing my mind and heart. * sigh * I'm just a no life... I'm just ready to close my eyes and sleep through it all.
Comments
View All Comments
wussup ?
I know Alysson in real life o.o""
She goes to my school. O:
YES THIS IS RYAN.
Add this account please and thank you<3