1. I was born with a wooden foot. My great-great-great-great grandad was a tree.
2. I once watched every Shirley Temple movie ever made, back-to-back and now I'm mentally scarred for life.
3. I can't rub my tummy and pat my head at the same time but I can walk backwards and negotiate hostage situations simultaneously. Go figure.
4. When I was 4, I once ate some bath beads because I thought they were candy and I hiccupped bubbles for 3 days.
5. My name in Hebrew means...”The shnozberries taste like shnozberries.”
6. I like to travel. When I visited Romania, I stayed in a hut made from straw and mud and ate borscht. I didn’t know I was allergic to cabbage at the time and my face swelled into the size of a soccer ball and I broke out in sores. I was then arrested because the natives thought I was mimicking their royal family.
7. I like to collect crusty boogers and I have the largest collection in the Southern Hemisphere.
8. When I was younger I had an imaginary friend named Imawkward. He was a sheep herder and an abacus maker. He still visits me often.
9. I’m really 7 feet tall. I work part-time at my local supermarket, helping people reaching for items on the top shelf.
10. I once toured with a band named Jerry And The Slimy Turds. We played hardcore, thrash folk music. I played the pan pipes and would often smash it at the end of every performance.
11. I once stalked Craig McLachlan for 2 weeks.
12. My favourite board game of all time is Gerbil Farm. The object of the game is to raise as many gerbils as you can, then sell them to Richard Gere.
13. I can’t believe it’s not butter.
14. I have a pet sloth named Fireball. He was featured on So You Think You Can Dance. He made the top 20.
15. I am the President of The Richard Simmons Fan Club. Every year me and my fellow club members get together and sweat!
16. I’m a vegetarian....but I also eat veal, lamb, chicken, beef, fish, pork, venison and spam.
17. In High School I was voted Most Likely To Write 25 Things About Myself That Aren’t True and Most Likely To Date A North Korean Pygmy.
18. Last year for Halloween my sister wore a Paris Hilton mask...and she got herpes. I wore a Jesus mask...and my herpes went away.
19. I’m looking in on the good life I might be doomed never to find.
20. I can put coins up my nose and snort out correct change.
21. Whilst attending a Fall Out Boy concert, I texted my friend and tried to impress her by telling her where I was. Since she thinks F.O.B aren’t that great, she texted me back angrily and wished death upon me. She now has a restraining order out against me and we only communicate through lawyers. I hope the hoodie Pete Wentz personally gave me will suffice as a peace offering.
22. I can voluntarily wriggle my pancrease.
23. 3 years ago I played the lead in two short-lived stage productions...Gone With The Wind and The Wind In The Willows. I was the wind in both.
24. I can’t read.