Lookie what I found! Here's for your viewing pleasure:
Thank you CyKr
"There were protesters on the train platform handing out pamphlets on the evils of America.
I politely declined to take one.
"An elderly woman was behind me getting off the escalator and a young (20' ish) female protester offered grandma a pamphlet, which she politely declined.
"The young protester put her hand on the grandma's shoulder as a gesture of friendship, and in a very soft voice said, 'Lady, don't you care about the children of Iraq?'
"The old woman looked up at her and said, "Honey, my father died in Germany during World War II, I lost my husband in the Korean War, and a son in Vietnam. All three died so you could have the right to stand here, and bad mouth our country. If you touch me again, I'll stick this umbrella up your a** and OPEN IT."
This is the transcript of an ACTUAL radio conversation of a U. S. naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations on 10-10-95.
Americans: "Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision."
Canadians: "Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision."
Americans: "This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, DIVERT YOUR course."
Canadians: "No. I say again, you divert YOUR course."
Americans: "This is the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln, the second largest ship in the United States Atlantic Fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers, and numerous support vessels. I demand that you change your course 15 degrees north...that's one-five-degrees North, or counter-measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship."
Canadians: "This is a lighthouse. Your call."
Note: The Navy has issued a press-release stating that this incident never happened -- but that doesn't make it any less humorous.
Source:
http://usmilitary.about.com/od/navyhumor/ A young ensign had nearly completed his first overseas tour of sea duty when he was given an opportunity to display his ability at getting the ship under way. With a stream of crisp commands, he had the decks buzzing with men and soon, the ship had left port and was streaming out of the channel.
The ensign's efficiency has been remarkable. In fact, the deck was abuzz with talk that he had set a new record for getting a destroyer under way. The ensign glowed at his accomplishment and was not all surprised when another seaman approached him with a message from the captain.
He was, however, a bit surprised to find that it was a radio message, and he was even more surprised when he read, "My personal congratulations upon completing your underway preparation exercise according to the book and with amazing speed. In your haste, however, you have overlooked one of the unwritten rules -- make sure the captain is aboard before getting under way."
Source:
http://usmilitary.about.com/od/navyhumor/ 
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