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- Last Login
- 12/06/2014 4:15 pm
- Total Posts
- 1769
- Posts Per Day
- 0.25
- Member Since
- 11/22/2005
- Location
- Michigan, Arizona
- Occupation
- Bike Shop fixer dude
- Gender
- Male
- Birthday
- 01/01/1937
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About
For you Makenzie
Shoot me, Kill me, Cut me, ******** me
"Now picture in your head. A rainbow without red. I took it out so I could draw this heart for you."
-Zygote
"I can't believe it.
Do you realize how happy I am now?
I see life in a different way with you.
I wonder if you remember how we felt in love.
It was a sad day, and then everything got better.
I love you.
I really hope its forever.
Trust me, I am not lying!"
-Heartbreaker Clothing
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Hella Funny!!!!
Things To Do During An Exam
1. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"
2. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure that you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.
3. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level.
4. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.
5. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.
6. 15 min. into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every 15 min.
7. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.
8. Come down with a BAD case of Tourette's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.
9. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.
10. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.
11. Every 5 min. stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.
12. Turn in the exam approx. 30 min. into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.
13. Get the exam. 20 min into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "******** this!" and walk out triumphantly.
14. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (ie. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink.)
15. Show up completely drunk (completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).
16. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.
17. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 min, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.
18. If the exam is math/sciences related, make up the longest proofs you could possible think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.
19. Try to get people in the room to do a wave.
20. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.
21. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.
22. Puke into your exam booklet. Hand it in. Leave.
23. Take 6 packages of rice cakes to the exam. Stuff at least 2 rice cakes into your mouth at once. Chew, then cough. Repeat if necessary.
24. Masturbate.
25. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About 5 min into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?"
26. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up!
27. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.
28. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"
29. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.
30. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.
Additions:
31. In the middle of the test, have a friend rush into the classroom, tag your hand, and resume taking your test for you. When the teacher asks what's going on, calmly explain the rules of Tag Team Testing to him/her.
32. Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious... like history notes for a calculus exam... otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit."
33. Stand up after about 15 minutes, and say loudly, "Okay, let's double-check our answers! Number one, A. Number two, C. Number three, E...."
34. Fake an orgasm. When interrupted, apologize, and explain that question #__ moved you, deeply.
35. Wear a superman outfit under your normal clothes. 30 minutes into the exam, jump up and answer your phone, shouting "What? I'm on my way!!". rip off your outer clothes and run out of the room. strike a pose first for added effect.
36. Tailgate outside the classroom before the exam.
37. If your answers are on a scantron sheet, fill it out in pen.
38. Bring a giant cockroach into the room and release it on a girl nearby
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I HOPE YOU READ THIS
The perfect man is gentle
Never cruel or mean
He has a beautiful smile
And keeps his face so clean.
The perfect man likes children
And will raise them by your side
He will be a good father
As well as a good husband to his bride.
The perfect man loves cooking
Cleaning and vacuuming too
He'll do anything in his power
To convey his feelings of love for you.
The perfect man is sweet
Writing poetry from your name
He's a best friend to your mother
And kisses away your pain.
He has never made you cry
Or hurt you In any way
Oh, screw this stupid poem
The perfect man is gay
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16 reasons guys dont suck
For reasons science has not yet deduced, their hugs just work better.
Yes, they show off... but it's all to impress you.
They're not nearly as harsh with the criticizing girls' bodies as girls are on themselves and each other.
Without them, would we have the word "gnarly"? It's doubtful.
When they see "Boys suck" T-shirts and message board threads, it breaks their tender boy hearts.
Have you ever watched a boy watching a girl rummage through her purse? That wide-eyed, mystified look they get?
You can borrow their hoodies that smell like boy dryer sheets.
If there's some pain in the a** thing to carry or open or fix or reach, they'll do it... eagerly, even, because it gives them a chance to flex their Boyness.
They make great bases for pyramids, chicken fights, and piggy-back rides.
Because you know how people say "Treat me like gum stuck to the bottom of your shoe once, shame on you; treat me like gum stuck to the bottom of your shoe twice, shame on me"? You can't complain about how much all boys suck because of how one or two specific boys treated you unless you TOLD them about how wrong they were. The reason he was probably such a jackhole to you in the first place was that he got away with it with ten other girls who never set him straight -- or he's retaliating against some girl who treated him like dirt. They have brains and they learn.
Uh, Johnny Depp?
They believe you when you tell them how you feel, even after you hurt them by not believing them when they're upset about something.
Holding it against them that society taught them not to discuss their feelings is just as lame as holding it against a girl if she cries at inconvenient times. If you give them a safe way to express their emotions -- a way that they know they won't get yelled at or beat up -- they usually will.
The part where their hair ends at the nape of their neck, when it's cut short, feels like puppy dog.
At the end of the day, alls they really want is for someone to comment on their blog. Just like you.
Girls lie plenty, too, hon.
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thought it was cute
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I want so badly for you to hold me in your arms...and to make this life ok again.
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If you fall, I'll catch, if you love, I'll love, and so it goes, my dear. Don't be scared, you'll be safe, this I swear.
If you only love me back.
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Joe's Journal of Life.
You got one life. Live it to the fullest.Check it out to see what I do.
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