About
Me^
Me waving at you^
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If vodka was water and I was a duck, then I'd swim to the bottom and never come up. But vodka's not water and I'm ot a duck, so slide me the bottle and shut the ******** up.
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A girl and a guy were speeding over 100mph on a motorcycle.
Girl: Slow down, i'm scared.
Guy: No, this is fun.
Girl: No it's not, please, it's so scary.
Guy: Then tell me you love me.
Girl: I love you, slow down.
Guy: Now give me a big hug
*She gave him a big hug*
Guy: Can you take my helmet off & put it on yourself, It's really bothering me.
The next day in the newspaper, a motorcycle crashed into a building due to brake failure. Two people were in the crash, but only one survived. The truth was that halfway down the road the guy realized that the breaks weren't working, but he didn't want the girl to know. Instead, he had her hug him and tell him she loves him one last time. Then he had her put his helmet on so that she would live, even if it meant that he would die. If you would do the same for the person you love, copy this in your profile.
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The Redneck Story
Many many years ago
when I was twenty three,
I got married to a widow who
was pretty as could be.
This widow had a grown-up daughter
Who had hair of red.
My father fell in love with her,
And soon the two were wed.
This made my dad my son-in-law
And changed my very life.
My daughter was my mother,
For she was my father's wife.
To complicate the matters worse,
Although it brought me joy,
I soon became the father
Of a bouncing baby boy.
My little baby then became
A brother-in-law to dad.
And so became my uncle,
Though it made me very sad.
For if he was my uncle,
Then that also made him brother
To the widow's grown-up daughter
Who, of course, was my step-mother.
Father's wife then had a son,
Who kept them on the run
And he became my grandson,
For he was my daughter's son.
My wife is now my mother's mother
And it makes me blue.
Because, although she is my wife,
She's my grandmother too.
If my wife is my grandmother,
Then I am her grandchild.
And every time I think of it,
It simply drives me wild.
For now I have become
The strangest case you ever saw.
As the husband of my grandmother,
I am my own grandpa!
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