About
Natalia Maria Guadalupe Lorenzo Shannahan (called Lia by lazy scoundrels) was born in the Ural Mountains eighteen years ago under a full moon aproximately .00159265 seconds after midnight on March 14th (3.14159265, holy crap!) and was prophesized to become a great baker. Alas, it was not to be so. Her parents were devoured by polar bears who were in the area on vacation. Lia was only five years when she lost her parents. The bears felt rather guilty about orphaning the young girl so they raised her as best as Anarcho-Communist polar bears can. Needless to say, Lia had a warped childhood. It was the regular diet of penguins, fish, and jaguars that really screwed her up. And the conflicted feelings she felt when being told to hunt tourists by her adopted polar bear family. That was weird.
Lia left home at the tender age of thirteen to begin her quest to take over the world. Sadly, she was directionally impaired and ended up in Spain. Thankfully, ella hablaba la lengua. This was mostly due to magic. One day, Lia passed a baked goods depot and suddenly her magical Pi-blessed blood kicked in. She robbed the store and stole all the pie.
Lia was deported back to Russia and was forced to live in Siberia for two years in search of clams. She only found three and a hovercraft. Of course, Lia escaped Siberia one day before she was scheduled to be released just because she liked to spite people and all that jazz. Lia flew over the Atlantic Ocean on her hovercraft, which took her a few more years. She survived due to her extremely excellent fishing skills and an odd ability to summon fresh water with her mind. She arrived in America and assumed the name Anarchy Sky to throw off all pursuers. Today the eighteen year old Lia regularly plays cat and mouse with Russian spies (occasionally Germans, too, but only for kicks) and is getting the help she needs to stop her from robbing innocent bakeries.
Have a nice day.
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I pity the fool who don't eat this part of a helluva balanced breakfast!
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