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- 12/16/2010 9:58 pm
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- Member Since
- 06/27/2004
- Location
- 11327 Park Central Pl. Dallas, TX, USA 75230
- Gender
- Male
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About
Who am I?My name is Benjamin Harrison Reed. I'll only accept being called that, Ben Reed, or Ben. Pretty much any other form of my name gets on nerves at some level. ._.; Born October 26, 1986, I am twenty years old and still living at home. I was out on my own for a little over half a year after high school, but that situation didn't work out too well for me. I work in the warehouse of a small clothing company, but the nature of the company makes my job a bit varied at times. I am not yet attending college, but I keep telling myself that I will soon. I am a virgin half by choice, half by chance. Also, I consider myself a Scientologist; I say "consider" because I'm actually very bad about applying what I know. Things could be better for me. ._.;
What are my goals?
In the broadest terms, my goals are to help others and to write. I have a couple of ideas for novels in mind, one of which I would like to see written before I die.
What am I like?
I try to be friendly with people as often as possible. The best method for that is to use plenty of modifiers in my statements to take any potential sting out of them, in the event that they may sound angry. Emoticons play a big role in that effort when I communicate online. Even when someone has severely upset me, my experience has been that my brand of being mad is quite tolerable by others, and they have come back to me thinking I was a really cool guy. ._.; Then again, I only get very upset with people who've done either criminal acts, or something totally illogical. There's no sorta-mad with me, either: I'm either furious, or I'm chill.
Actually, to be more specific, my attitude of life is that I don't care. The biggest reason I haven't jumped at college is because I really don't care if I'm alive or dead. I'm not suicidal. I don't have a death wish. In fact, if my life were actually threatened, I might change my mind, but as it stands right now I'm "content" to essentially waste away. A factor in arriving in that state is that I've tried in the past to help others, and having failed to, considered myself to be a failure, basically. (That right there is a pretty good summary of the half year I spent out of the house.) The good news is that having done the majority of the Purification Rundown, I have recovered-- at times-- from this "don't care" attitude. My concern is that the Purif won't leave it handled for very long, though. D:
What do I do?
Being on the Purif, my schedule is divided into a few specific categories: Sleep eight hours, Work seven-ish hours, Purif five. On Wednesdays and Fridays, though, I practice Kung Fu with a friend of the family. (I'm almost constantly doing something Kung Fu related these days. ^^; ) When I have free time, though, my "don't care" attitude pretty much brings me to a zero of activity; The only time I'm doing something is when an outside force requires activity from me. As a result, I spend quite a bit of time on Gaia.
However, up until only a few months ago I had been rigorously planning a four-thousand mile bike trip across the country. Countless hours of physical training, education, and product research went into the planning for that trip. The only thing that killed it was that we were going to wind up no less than ten thousand dollars short at the time of the trip. D: So it's been postponed.
Way back when, before stacked up failures set me back, I used to try to help people with Scientology. Being a bit meek, though, and never knowing enough to be of actual use, I doubt I ever did any lasting good. I've kinda sworn off meddling with other people's affairs until I'm dead positive I'd be useful. ^^;
What do I like?
Rock 'n' Roll is nearly the only music I'll listen to. As I said to a guy in the music section of one of the nearby bookstores, I don't listen to anything written after 1980 because it sucks. D: That isn't quite true-- there was some good stuff in the eighties-- but it's true enough. Techno had my fancy for a while, until I heard from my dad that the reason Disco was so unpopular is because it was just dance music. There wasn't any heart in it. At that point, my fascination with Techno more or less dissapated. I still enjoy Daft Punk though. ^^;
After going strong for seven years thinking anime was the only form of entertainment there ever was, I had something of an intellectual breakthrough in which I totally renounced all of anime forever, and not for any reason more than it's almost completely divorced from reality. That's what pulled me in at first-- the inhibitted imagination-- but after an endless stream of uninhibitted imaginations, and none that seemed confined to actual life, I began to realize that they just didn't know what it's all about. As an alternative, I read classic science fiction. Probably one of the smartest changes I've ever made. o:
As I have done more research into the field of bicycling, I've become more of a bike fanatic. I'm not quite a total dork, but I do get pretty excited when I see pictures of high-end road bikes. ^^;;
I hold any and every cat near and dear to me, no matter where it is or who it actually belongs to. I'm not too crazy about dogs. ._.
It's very tough for me to find a girl I like. Tough as in, I've only pursued on girl, ever. ._.;; I'm not even marginally gay, I just have fairly high, limited standards.
Almost on the same subject, I have a fetish which has been named either "inflatophilia" or "B.E.," depending on which group you hear of it from. Basically, think of a boob job with a bike pump. D:
More often than not, I love to learn. Anything. Right now, learning Kung Fu takes up pretty much all of my attention. o:
What do I think?
I think that if you treat people with kindness, you'll feel better yourself. There's no gain in making yourself and others feel worse. But at the same time, if what you're trying to do for someone isn't helping, it falls back on one of the greater overlooked wisdoms of the world: If the solution isn't working, that isn't the solution.
I'm typically very logical about everything I look at, an attribute of whose origin I assign to Scientology. Most of the things I say that make total sense come directly, or ultimately, from what I've learned there.
It's also my personal feeling that today's society doesn't have enough feeling, enough genuinity in the things it does or makes. It's why TV sucks these days. It's why music sucks these days. It's why modern art has gotten so confused over the last half century. D: Of course, I could be totally wrong; These are just my opinions.
What are my plans?
The idea is to come up out of my complete apathy by the time I'm done with the Purif, get enrolled in a community college, and start looking at universities. What's the likelihood of that happening? Pretty low. I'll be fighting tons of internal conflict. But if I don't do it, what else is there to look forward to? A life at home with no social life to speak of? D:
Also...
I joined a Clan, just because I haven't been in one since I was brand new. ^^;
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If I had a fancy title, would you care about my life?
General Disclaimer: This journal does not accurately reflect my personality. This is my dumping ground for anything that bothers me, so you're bound to read nothing but complaints and troubles. Don't judge me by it. ^^;;
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