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Sometimes I wonder if anyone really listens to what anyone else has to say. I do my best. I'm best at listening when people are telling me their problems. This may be because I like to hear gossip, but I also like to help people and I try my best to never give away secrets. I'm not saying this to promote myself in any way, I'm not writing this for the reader, I'm writing this for me. I speak, telling trivial stories that I think may amuse peole. Half the time no one listens. They turn to each other and start talking. This happened quite a lot today. When I try to voice my issues I am mocked. This makes me so angry. I was upset today, but no one really noticed. Once again, I'm not saying this for pity, I'm just trying to get my feelings out. Sometimes I get so sick of everything. Sometimes it seems as if I have nothing to look forward to. There's Anime Boston, which I am ecstatic about, but after that.....well there's really nothing left until the fall. Everyone in my family is going somewhere except for me. We're going to have a "quiet summer" because everyone will be "so tired". I hate it. Once again, I'm ignored. I try to ignore my feelings, because I hate feeling sorry for myself, and when I do I hate myself. I want to like myself and have high self-esteem. But I can't feel this way unless I'm showered with praise and adoration. It's sickening. I hate it. On some days my personality is just like the sweet coating on a cough drop. I smile and say nice things, just to hide the bitterness inside. If I feel this way tomorrow, maybe the sweetness will wear off and maybe only the bitterness will show. But maybe no one will even notice.