...If it came up and slit your throat.
I have officially decided High School is going to suck. I hate it there- I can't STAND it! I just want to go back to seventh grade- I just wish it was always seventh grade. Back where all of my friends were my friends and I was with him every other day...
::sigh::
Let me explain.
Last night was the Freshman Mixer. I saw a lot of my good friends there- Patrick, Omar, Ben, Bobby, and Zach. Even Eleesa. I was excited, I figured I would have a good time with them. High school had already sucked- I didn't have classes with any one of my friends, unless you count the acquaintences-friends.
But I was wrong.
Most of the time, we talked and had a good time. Then I began to realize just what it was about High school that was worrying me. Zach started talking about his new friend, Val, and Bob had got a friend- a GIRL friend. Maybe she is his girlfriend- I don't know. Taylor was hanging out with a bunch of girls I had never even met, and Kari was talking about on her journal all of her new friends and how much fun she has with them... and I guess... I can't do that.
These were all my best friends at one point, and we had so much fun together. I feel like they're moving on- like they're replacing me- like I'm not good enough anymore. I'll only see Ben, Bobby, and Patrick every Monday and at the games, but that's not enough for friends. I'll see Kari every Monday after school, but as far as best friends, that doesn't fit the requirement. I don't fit the requirement. And Zach and Taylor..... who knows if I'll see them again. We were sitting at the bleachers during the Mixer, my friends and I, and when Iris by the Goo Goo Dolls came on, that's when I started to think. I got up and walked away, [selfishly] expecting them to follow me like they always do- but nothing. So I sat alone. I met two new friends named Beverly and Sarah, but I don't know if I can become good enough friends with them. I'll feel like I'm betraying my real best friends. Sometimes I want to hate my friends just as much as I hate myself, but I can't do that.
I talked to Zach about it outside of the dance, and he said no matter what, he would never replace me. That made me feel better... maybe... I still have my doubts. So I guess I'll be alone for Highschool, and that's the worst that could happen. Why, God... why always me?
Goo Goo Dolls- Iris.
And I'd give up forever to touch you 'Cause I know that you feel me somehow You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be And I don't want to go home right now
And all I can taste is this moment And all I can breathe is your life 'Cause sooner or later it's over I just don't want to miss you tonight.
And I don't want the world to see me 'Cause I don't think that they'd understand When everything's made to be broken I just want you to know who I am
And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming Or the moment of truth in your lies When everything feels like the movies And you bleed just to know you're alive.
And I don't want the world to see me 'Cause I don't think that they'd understand When everything's made to be broken I just want you to know who I am
(break and solo)
And I don't want the world to see me 'Cause I don't think that they'd understand When everything's made to be broken I just want you to know who I am
And I don't want the world to see me 'Cause I don't think that they'd understand When everything's made to be broken I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am I just want you to know who I am I just want you to know who I am
13black rabbit31 · Sun Aug 27, 2006 @ 07:48pm · 1 Comments |