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A Rambling Mom - Chapter 1 |
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“How are you today, Mrs. Erica? It’s been sometime since we’ve seen you.” A cherub cheeked cashier smiled politely at her as she started to load up the groceries onto the conveyor belt.
I’m not well.
“I’m doing well!” she lied - no sense in punishing the poor girl who was just exchanging the common pleasantries we’re all taught to engage in. “The kids have been sick this week, so my husband has been doing the shopping on his own in the afternoons.”
“Oh, poor things.” Beep. “Are they doing much better now then?” Beep.
Not so much, but I needed to get the hell out of the house. Beep.
“Hm-mm,” Erica hummed politely, bagging her groceries and shifting them into the cart. “I suspect they’ll be back to driving me up a wall in a day or so-”
They never stopped.
“I sure hope so,” a bright faced young man with a lop-sided grin chimed in. She recognized him too, a stock boy with thick rimmed glasses and long curling hair tied neatly into a man-bun. He was usually in the aisles around this time of day…
On self-check out today, huh? Erica glanced between the two, observed a blush forming over the cashier’s face as the boy chided her on her slow scanning. To be young…
“I really miss seeing you all here in the morning. The day doesn’t feel right without the cart family coming through.” He maneuvered around the wrap and took the bags from Erica to continue bagging on her behalf. She couldn’t help the smile that creased the corners of her lips slightly at the relief of having one less thing to do.
“And they miss helping with shopping and grabbing their favorite snacks,” she answered, fishing the wallet from her coat pocket. “You’ll make sure there are some chips and Reese’s up here on Wednesday, won’t you?”
The young man flashed a pearly white smile with a quick wink, “Mrs. Erica! You know I wouldn’t let my favorite little people down. I’ve had some stashed away all weekend, just in case you all came in before the trucks did.”
Erica nodded her thanks and watched as the cashier punched away at a screen before turning her own gaze toward him. “I didn’t know you liked kids so much, Josh.”
Ah, that’s his name… Erica thought, wanting to commit it to memory but knowing she wouldn’t.
“Hm-mm,” Josh gave a short nod before loading the last of the bags into Erica’s cart. “Oh yeah, I love kids, man. They’re so blunt and curious about everything.”
“Reminds me of someone else I know,” the cashier muttered teasingly, turning her attention back to the register as a loud hum of electronics signaled the printing of a mile long receipt. With a quick hand, she tore the paper free and turned her attention back to Erica. “Will you all be visiting us in the morning then?”
“Hm, probably not tomorrow, but definitely Wednesday.” Erica couldn’t help her raised eyebrow and a slight knowing grin, “You planning to make sure you’re on the schedule then too?”
“W-Well, I-” the cashier glanced to Josh, just a moment - enough for him to not notice before she shook her head and smiled a tight sort of grin, “Mrs. Bennet was asking after you all. She’s been really unhappy seeing your husband coming in by himself. I thought I’d tell her the good news when I see her at the change in shift.”
Ooh, she thinks quickly. Erica smiled back politely. But if she’s too quick he might never notice her feelings. “I’m sure she’ll be happy to hear the kids are starting to feel better.” Her toe kicked the break on the cart and Erica turned her attention toward the front of the store. “Well, I’ll be seeing you all later. Hope the rest of your day goes easy.”
“Fat chance,” Josh groaned sarcastically, and then laughed as the cashier gasped his name at the potential rudeness.
Erica shook her head and kept walking. The hiss of the automatic doors behind her a warning to the impending cold she would soon be facing for the walk home. “I ship’em,” a light chuckle fought off the first wave of wind as she stepped out onto the sidewalk.
Geez, that was more relieving than it should have been.
“I know…” she answered with her own dull thoughts. “Who’d have thought that scripted pleasantries would ever be stimulating enough to just feel like real conversation?”
Haven’t they always been?
The wheels of her cart came to a screeching halt, her hands tightening into a white knuckled grip around the cart handle. “Yikes,” she hissed at herself, “Well, you’re not wrong…”
Why hurt yourself over it now? This is just the life we’re meant to live.
“Isolated and taking care of family?”
A purpose is a purpose.
She hated how familiar the thought was, and pushed through the parking lot as if leaving the space where it was conceived would somehow allow her to abandon it. Regardless of the truth in it, the phrase built a resentment in her - years before she ever had any real control over her life. “Do you think that if things had been different before, maybe I’d be a better at-home parent now?”
Probably, but why linger on it? You can’t change the past-
“And it’s not like I could have done anything about it then either,” Erica muttered to herself, “I know you’re right. I just… hate feeling like I stepped back into the past.”
Isolated? Taking care of family?
A nod.
But things are different now.
“Right, now it’s my kids I’m ******** up, not my brothers.” The idea was not appealing, “Can we think of something else now? It’s too cold to cry on the walk back.”
Our headphones are dead and the littlest monster took the tips off of them again.
Frustration was starting to seep into her bones as she crossed over the street, “Then- I don’t know- Think of a song or something.”
BGE knows what is best-
“Anything else?”
Ah-
“And not another commercial jingle from the nineties or early aughts,” she interrupted.
“I didn’t know I was broken ‘til I wanted to change-”
“I wanna get better,” Erica sang along with the Bleacher’s song in her head, “better, better, better. I wanna get better!”
Aage Raghnall · Wed Jan 24, 2024 @ 09:54pm · 0 Comments |
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