You know how it is, when life isnt going your way.
When everything is so far of what you think it should be.
My love life always sucked, cause I always felt for guys who werent really real.
Which is the biggest problem I guess, not that they are "wrong" but my heart and mind dont seem to like whats infront of me.
But somehow, all that dont seem to have much importance, even tho it might of have done my life a bit easier with someone near. With dad first getting sick and now mum I easy get distracted... I could never imagine that someone so close to me, that I admit I practicly hate twice a week or more, would have cancer (lung and brain). It feels really surreal.
I almost scare myself, with the changes in me. I still like same thing. But I am not rejecting tasting drinks as much as before, I notice I dress up more than I use to ((including showing interest for makeup, mostly lipstick but still)) which is very unlike me. I dont even react as hard to people touching me, which before bothered me super much.
It is like all the brains in me just flow away. Well some would call it lightening up. But I just see myself not to care as much as before. Which I do care of cuz I dont want life to feel meaningless. Like what I do dont have meaning to me in the future... am I being weird now?
And it doesnt help when some I know, show care for me when my mind is trying to block it out.. or maybe its my heart thats tired of pain so it doesnt want to feel anymore? I am not sure.. maybe I am totally on the wrong track with my thoughts...
Anyhow, if I am away alot, or my mind seem scattered.. I just dont feel as good as before. I never really felt great, but now I feel my world is apart. I havent lost interest in anything or anyone. Just tired. And afraid I will be complaining too much ^.~
I do wish you all the best and long to hear and talk, as well as rp, with you again.
//Vick
Vickster Community Member 
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