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Little Black Book of Eventually Read Secrets
A promise is a promise
Standing before her husband's work desk in the basement, she's careful to not make a sound as she rifles through his tools. She's numb as she listens to the wailing of her toddler, and as she pulls forth a small case of blades, she feels a deep ache in her heart.

Pulling a fresh blade from the pack, she makeshifts a handle using his expensive rubber tape. Holding it in her hand, she runs her thumb across the blade to test its sharpness, and feels pleased as it bites into the surface of her skin.

Covering the exposed blade with tape loosely, she tucks it into the waist band of her white pants and moves to the stairs. She pauses however at the bottom step and looks at the desk, biting her lip. She left everything out...but knowing him. He won't notice any difference.

Shaking her head slowly, she moves up the stairs slowly, being mindful of her jarred back...

Closing the bathroom for upstairs, she turns the lock and faces the mirror. Why did she bother locking it? He wasn't coming to save her from herself. He was...busy.

She smiles sadly before moving to the far wall and dropping her pants. Retrieving the blade, she sits, and uncovers it. But she hesitates as she looks down to her leg, which was still healing. She had been doing so good this past week. Was this really what she wanted in that moment...?

Pulling up her phone, she unlocks it and goes to her texts, bringing up his name. She chews on her bottom lip, her fingers trembling as she stares at his name. She wanted to ask him. Tell him to talk her out of it. But she felt guilt... She had put him through so much these past few weeks. And what if he got tired of her dependence? Her inability to just... get her s**t together...

Frowning, she looks to the blade in her hand, then to her phone, before closing her eyes and turning her screen off. She tosses the phone towards the tub, out of reach, and straightens her leg.

"I'm pathetic." She mutters as she brings the tip to the marred surface of her thigh, her eyes locked on the fresh scars, her lip throbbing from how hard she bit it, "I'm a horrible mother. I don't want to be a mother. I--"

She winced as she draws the blade across her thigh, but she hesitates part way, and drops the blade. She swallows hard as she looks at the beads of blood that surfaced. And she frowns, using her thumb and forefinger to part the skin.

"Too deep," she murmurs. The blade was too sharp. Too dangerous. Looking to it beside her, she feels that ache return, her moment of numbness faltering. If she had bad breakdown with a blade this sharp... She could very seriously hurt herself.

Grabbing toilet paper, she gingerly dabs at the small wound, and shakes her head. She couldn't do it. She promised him she would get better. She promised.

Scooping up the blade, she covers it with tape once more and gets to her knees. Opening the doors under the sink, she slides it to another hiding spot that her husband doesn't know about. Though whether he was good on his word or not and checked regularly like he said he would... She had her doubts.

Pulling on her pants, she opts for just sitting on the floor as the world slowly comes back into focus, and the heartache, that normally spurred her self harming, subsides. She looks over to her phone as it chirps and a message pops up on the screen. It's him.

Smiling weakly, she gathers herself, her phone, and her heart before getting to her feet and leaving the room.

She had to get better... She promised.

Azure Starwish
Community Member
  • [03/09/18 04:00pm]
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