I am my own person.
Dropped the dead weight.
I'm only human.
So now I return to my friends, people who, for reasons I do not yet comprehend, still want me around. People who invite me to spend time with them.
It's surreal.
People want me around.
Why do they want me around?
When they don't mock me, when they're not obliged to have me? When they don't seem to pity me?
Of course I'm not complaining. If they'll have me and not treat me like utter s**t I'm their friend till the end, but why?
I don't deserve them.
I deserve the people who treated me like a free circus. But I don't want to be that.
So I'm better off alone.
I'm better off with people who have a moral or famillial obligation to tolerate me. Who I know want me around to brag using me, to have their full set and be comforted, ego-stroked or both. This I can understand. This I can provide. This I can give back. Or maybe, afterwards, I'll be truly alone. Free of being everyone else's burden.
I'll carry my own weight. Perhaps help back the people I've hurt. Perhaps take care not to hurt anyone else again in that matter.
nitznitz Community Member 
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