Sometimes change is something I am afraid of. I think it's natural. I'm scared that who I am supposed to change into is something other people might not like. I mean, sure there will be more people who love and understand me, but the problem is I have to do this on my own. It's something I should've started a while ago. And by a while I mean around 2 or 3 years ago. Maybe 4. Heck if I'm going to sit here counting. It's time for me to move on. I just hope that if I fall I'll be strong enough to get up.
Some days it seems so easy, all I have to do is let go and have Angel's wings just push me closer, yet there are other days that all I do is go nowhere. It's time for me to take a stand for what I believe in insetad of letting the beliefs of others crush my own. Not that I will lose understanding of other's beliefs. Heaven forbid that to happen. If I lose understanding of other's beliefs I won't be able to reach out to them.
What good is a prophet if he doesn't know how to speak the words that the people need to hear? It's not just a language barrier, but a spiritual one as well. I haven't met any 'prophet' from any religion, who was able to understand me spiritualy. Why? I guess there are a few reasons.
I got one right now floating in my mind. Forgetfulness. Yeah, they forget how it was when they were a sinner. [I'm not saying they are perfect, bare with me on this one]
What I'm saying is that they become blind to their faults. They think they're fine... It gives them the thought that since they are helping other people, that somehow they must be better on the religious food chain. While they're busy eating more then they can chew [now here's irony] they end up losing sight of the goal, and during that time, who they teach grow up.
The problem is that it's a chain not easily broken. Not many 'prophets' show a good example. And for a while I wasn't a good example myself. Not that I'm a prophet mind you. I have no business there. But I see the same thing going on in counseling others.
I'm not saying my goal is to change the system, although I wish I could [God, I REALLY wish I could] but that isn't my calling. I don't have a calling or whatever right now. My goal is to change myself. For the better.
Let's just hope I succeed, cause I don't want to see what happens if I fail. Lord knows I don't need anymore depression. [my lack of attention and fleeing to rpgs is a way for me to relax] My problem now is that sometimes I get a little too fixed on the game(s). It's good to have something to distract me from depression.
Or is it? How is hiding something going to make it go away? Surely that won't work. It probably [more likely then not] will hinder the cheering up process. I'm sick of not giving it up to God and letting go of it all. Time to just let Him deal with it. [Why worry?] Seriously. Why bother worrying about today? Let it worry about itself.
Fade Into Nothing · Tue Apr 25, 2006 @ 03:17pm · 1 Comments |