I get this funny vibe that people are trying to impress me or something. We'll be having normal conversations at work and then they'll randomly insert some professional language that don't really have much to do with what we're talking about. Like, they're trying to make it fit, but it's more like they're sticking a square peg into a round hole that's just big enough to allow it. Maybe I'm just being self-centered, but it's becoming sort of a regular thing with a couple of people now.

You know what I think it is? They're trying to reinvent themselves. Like GoBots. And I'm their guinea pig. Because, apparently, these guys aren't doing it to anyone else.

Or maybe no one else is catching it. o;

Also, people seek me out to tell me what their fetishes are. No lie. I know this guy? Who has a thing for armpits. I am Wonder Woman, and I got Dr. Strange all tied up wif muh lasso o' troof. And idkwtf it is about me that draws this kind of sh*t in because I have absolutely NO experience.

It's gotten so bad that I've thought up a new cartoon show. c:

My character's name is Mr. Floppy, and he's a talking, man-sized penis. But he'd be censored, because we're not barbarians, so all you'd see is a walking blur with eyes. His town used to be a decent place, but then The Unicorns set up shop, and now the good citizens of Nomansland cower in their homes, afraid of the next rainbow raid. Mr. Floppy is tired of the crime, tired of the violence. He drinks to keep the rage down, but it's starting to boil over, and he stares at his cherry-pit revolver at night, thinking of all the terrible things he could do with it. He drowns himself in his darkness until, one day, he accidentally kills a unicorn, and that triggers something in him.

Think Dirty Harry cleaning up the streets, vigilante-style. Only he's a censored penis, and he goes around beating up unicorns.

ABSOLUTELY NOT for kids. 3:<