They say I'm anorexic. It's not like I don't eat...I just skip meals sometimes. And when I do eat, it's not very much. I'm not sure what happened though. I'm not sure how I got like this. I tell people I don't eat because I think I'm fat. It's easier than explaining to them the real reason. But I don't like lying. So I'm going to explain it to whoever might see this today or tomorrow...or after.
Everyone I know is depressed in some way. Most everyone cuts. There's a few burners...but I don't know them as well. These people that cut, they tell me all the time how I don't understand them. I don't understand what it's like to need to cut and how it helps. They only say it because they don't know, so I can't blame them. But still, it hurts to look my best friend in the eyes and have them tell me I don't get it. I don't understand them. I won't ever understand them. No Devon, you're not bipolar. You don't know what that is. Yes...I do know what that is. It's just I'm a different type of bipolar than you. I'm a different type of person than you. I was diagnosed. Sure it was young, but I was. The doctor told my parents if they didn't treat it, it would most likely go away. So they didn't treat me. But now I wish that I would just go away.
Most everyone cuts. I want to be different. That's why I starve myself (kind of starve myself). Because no one I know has admitted to me they have an eating disorder. I want to be different. I want to be a different type of person. Maybe then I could be the one to look at you and say, "******** you. You know what? YOU don't understand. It's you now."
But It's not a big deal. It's not like I'll die. I do eat. Just not that much. I've slowly been weening myself off of food. I don't like the taste. I don't like the consistency. Yeah, I don't like that it makes me gain weight either, but that's the least reason I do it. I'm 101 pounds. I want to be 99. That would be soooo cool. Don't you think?
So there. That's why. Because "I think I'm fat". That's why.
 xXMistressMichelleXx · Mon Dec 31, 2012 @ 03:33pm · 0 Comments |
