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In today's society (or at least, in America-- I can't really speak for other countries) people feel pressured to act a certain way, to fit in certain cliques, etc. and the whole thing makes me feel slightly fake, no matter where I try to go.
"Oh you don't like pop music? Go hang with the Emo's."
"Oh you aren't depressed or wear black all the time? Go hang out with the popular kids."
"Oh you aren't obsessed with sport teams and makeup? Go hang out with the geeks."
"Oh you don't want to be a doctor when you are older? Go hang out with the weirdo's."
"Oh you don't act crazy for attention / Oh you don't really get along with us? Go hang out with the loners."
"Oh you aren't antisocial or extreme wallflower? What are you doing here?"
I have found that whenever I hung around certain people, I started adapting to the way they thought, but every single time I noticed something new about me that fit in with that group, I didn't feel comfortable in my own skin, almost like I was faking everything.
And then finally summer break came, and I realized why breaks from school are my favorite parts of the year. I get to escape. I'm not hanging around with people from school, so I'm not feeling pressured to feel or act some way. It's when I get to figure out who I really am.
1. I really, really don't like hanging around other girls. I'm not interested in the same things most of them are, so it just makes me feel uncomfortable all around. At the same time, I get kind of afraid that some of the guys are narrow-minded and believe I think the same way the other girls do and as I result they would think I'm a bore or something.
2. I'm not "emo" or "goth" or anything like the kids at school assumed. Yes, I listen to music that isn't necessarily Top 40's, but I'm not the color black's number one fan, nor am I in any way depressed or suicidal or obsessed with anything dark or gothic, etc, etc, etc. To be honest, some of the music is the only thing I have in common with those groups.
3. I'm not girly in any way, but that doesn't mean I'm an athletic tomboy or a lesbian. Heck, why do people assume the extreme opposite when it comes to that? Sure I don't really like skirts, dresses, or wearing tons of makeup, but that doesn't mean I absolutely love everything to do with sports. I like playing some of them, but I'm not one to watch games on the TV or anything like that.
4. I like learning new things, reading, video games, science fiction... stuff like that. Does that mean I'm the geekiest geek as they come? No. Because I actually have heard a 'geek' explain the difference between nerds and geeks, and I am just kind of nerdy. That doesn't mean I love math or anything, because although that is one of my best subjects it is NOT my favorite.
5. I like leaving my hair the curly mess it is. There's no real use in me straightening it because it just ends up getting all messy and wavy again. And just in general I don't like potentially dangerous objects near my face. So no, for the years to come I will NOT straighten my hair to fit in with the crowd of straight-haired girls or anything like that.
6. As I mentioned before, I don't really have much in common with the emo's, so how come I have a bunch of clothes that fit with that group? Honestly, I get the whole feeling pressured to fit in with them, but really? The only clothes I have are either your stereotypical emo, or too bright and childish looking for me to want to wear in public. I really need to change that. I'll have to fight with my mom to let me wear jeans, a plain t-shirt, and my tennis shoes throughout high school (she still has dreams of me being the really girly-girl she's always wanted).
7. Screw the imaginary bet that meant I couldn't dye my hair red. I want to be a ginger for a while.
8. Screw what people say about me being a pushover. Yeah, I like helping people and making others feel better, but I have my limits. It's just that no one has ever gone so far before that they are pushing my limits. Really, I get told I'm a pushover because I let someone borrow a freaking pencil when I see they don't have one, and I have three. And yeah, I like being nice to people. I don't see the point in being rude. I won't listen to what people have to say about a person, because there are people who have said equally bad things about me; calling someone something degrading doesn't make you any less of that (ex. calling someone stupid doesn't make you smarter).
9. I really don't care who people think are cute or hot or anything like that. I don't like people trying to set me up with someone else. If I am interested in someone, then I'm interested in someone. That does not mean I want to have girl talks about just how cute they are or how awesome it would be to date them. Likewise, if someone is interested in me, I don't want to hear about how cute we'd be together or get put in situations where I'm stuck with them. It makes it so awkward for everyone, especially in the cases where one doesn't like the other back. Besides, if I do like someone I'm more likely to say it than sit there daydreaming about them.
10. If entering high school means the fresh start I need, then I'm taking it. I'll stick with the few people who have stuck with me through thick and thin instead of wasting my time with people who have back-stabbed me or ignored me because of stupid mistakes. I'll be true to myself: not skipping out of homework I can do easily, being a part of the school's drama productions, practicing my instruments, focusing on my art skills, and most importantly, I will try not to be afraid to be the center of attention... and to communicate better. I get really awkward when it comes to communication.
And also (but I don't want to give this a number because when it comes to listing stuff, I kind of like the number 10... yeah, yeah, I know it's kind of OCD-ish) I like experimenting with things, trying new stuff. I just always held back because of the stupid "what would these people think if I did that?" So yeah, fresh start FTW!!!
 2ndAndSebring · Thu Jul 19, 2012 @ 01:52am · 0 Comments |
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