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I think I may have Bi-Polar Disorder Type II.

I have been suffering from Depression ever since my sophomore year of high school, but even though I've seen half a dozen psychiatrists, psychologists, therapists, and ecetera, I haven't been able to find a medication or therapy that can help ease my depressive symptoms. I have been diagnosed with everything from Dysthymia (early on) to ADHD to Major Depressive Disorder to Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I have taken probably 6 different anti-depressants, a couple anti-anxiety medications, a couple of ADHD medications, and anti-convulsants and none of these have helped with my depression symptoms. I am currently taking Citalopram, an SSRI, which helps very slightly with some anxiety symptoms, but it has become less effective as time went on.

I have never sought a bi-polar diagnosis because my younger sister is bi-polar and I know that I'm not bi-polar. But I did not realize that Bi-Polar Type II was a little bit different. Type I bi-polar disorder is very severe and can result in psychosis, a break from reality-- hallucinations, hearing things, seeing things, as well as the extreme mood swings. As far as I know, I've never hallucinated, and I don't have such severe mood swings, so I know I'm not bi-polar. But then I read about Type II bi-polar disorder, which can have the same depression symptoms as Type I, but without the "mania" of Type I. Type II suffers do experience highs and lows, but the highs are much less severe than Type I suffers. It's called "hypomania".

When I started reading about hypomania, it sounded extremely familiar. I have had several episodes where I was extremely motivated, where I was able to focus and work on a project for hours very effectively. I never recognized these episodes as symptoms of anything because I am so depressed all of the time. I am so unmotivated and I have no desire to do anything at all, even things that should be enjoyable. I thought that when I was in those motivated episodes that that's simply how I'm supposed to be... how the normal me acts when the depression isn't ruining my life.

Since I have never taken an anti-psychotic, which most bi-polar medications are, I am hoping that if I can try a bi-polar medication that I will finally see some relief for my symptoms. I would like to try the medication Abilify, but there isn't a generic available in the US. Since the medication is relatively young and in high demand, it's extremely expensive. ~$300 a month expensive. I want to try Abilify specifically because it's somewhat unique-- there are other medications for treating bi-polar disorder but they don't have the same mechanism of action as Abilify. So I may be forced to try something like Lithium..

I can see my doctor in a couple weeks. I hope he'll be okay with prescribing me something. sad