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Ok well I'm 17 now and I go to this church called Household of Faith. But obviously I par-take in the youth ministry. That is called XG (Extreme Generation.) Anyways. I've been going there now for about a 1 year and 3 months. (Not long if you think about it.) I haven't always been a christian or into God. I mean I just got into church, hello. Anyways. I use to go when I was little with my mom sometimes on Sundays but then we stopped. Well once in middle school I was like 12 I went to church with a boyfriend and got abused at the church so I stopped going and pretty much blamed God for everything wrong in my life. Well one day on Oct 1, 2004 I got word a friend of mine died. (And to let yall know I was going through a major depression/suicidal thing.) And well I got these pills in my hand, then looked at my Jesus picture hanging on my wall.(Got that when my Gramma died.) And he was like go to church so I went. And since then I've gone every Wed. and Fri. Sounds like a success story but it's not. I went but that didn't make me Christian. I got saved a few times but it wasn't for God or Jesus. I did it for people. Got Baptized in Feb '05. Again for people not for God. Come May 05 I was totally screwed up. I was big time cutter and addicted even though I said I had control, I was only fooling myself. I hid it for a while but things got bad. I started hearing voices. So I showed my teachers the cuts. I had at least 30 on my shoulder (And I have small shoulders.) Anyways well they sent me to the mental health center and I went like twice a week. And got put on meds. (For the record I don't believe in anti-depressants. They are like drugs and you get addicted to them. Therefore I didn't take them regulary so that I wouldn't have addiction problems.Moving on now.) Well when school let out I planned on doing the summer internship at XG (if by now you forgot what that was, scroll up please.) and so yea I did. 3 months of my life went to God but lets go into some detail shall we? We shall. So I went the first day. Ok first let me tell yall what I was the people at the mental health center told me I had. I had Depression (duh) I was addicted to cutting (Once again all say, duh) I had post-tramautic stress disorder (PTSD), DID (Multiple personality disorder.) and Social anixety disorder. I was screwed up. Anyways went my first day was real nervous to have to meet everyone because I was really shy and well scared of people hence that they said I had Social Anixety Disorder. Anyways yea. Well I was the only intern who wasn't saved, baptized, or baptized in the Holy Spirit with the evidence of speaking in tongues. I knew like one person besides my pastor and whatever. Well right off the back though they tried to make me feel welcome and then slowly but surely I started opening them up letting me know me. Well one of the girls just the like right away started helping me. I was having an asthma attack (my mom didn't believe I had asthma so they couldn't call her cuz she'd get mad.) Just sat with me until I could breathe then well my other personality started coming out and was like yea so instantly she knew my life story with in a nite, because she had to so she could help. Well I went to my first church camp, I helped put it together, it was the interns job to do so. Well at camp I got prayed for a healing of my split personalities. And now I'm only me one. I also got saved at Camp July 27,2005. So now I was the only intern not baptized or baptized in the holy spirit. Well during I got back from camp and thigns were going ok. Got to see my sister and all but then my family vacation was coming. I was just gunna go and miss a lot of days of internship, I wanted to see my dad so bad. ( I haven't seen him since I was 15 now I'm 17.) Anyways well four days before we were going to leave I asked to stay. My mom was dead set against but she said if I could find people to stay with I could. They were leaving July 8th,a Friday. So two days before I had to leave which was a Wed. I finally talked to my friend Bridget. She wrote out a calendar for the entire 10days my family would be gone and all the people's houses, names, and numbers where I'd be staying. And she'd drive me everywhere. So well I got to stay. But not after my family calling me dumb, saying I was becoming obsessive with God, and that I should feel bad for not going. Thursday night she talked to Bridget on the phone (By the way Bridget was an intern as well. She's 22 and like a sister to me...LOL we really do look like and get mistaken as real sisters.) And well my mom asked her lots of questions about it and asked her if she was sure she was going t be ok watching out for me while they were gone (I was barely sixteen at the time, no car, no driver liscens, and well no cell phone. Or even house keys. YEA) And Bridget said, "If Sara wants to do this. Really do this, I'm going to help her anyway I can. " Well my family left Friday and well not after saying I was going to regret this, my mom was crying my brother called me stupid for it. And my sister called and said I should feel bad pretty much. So when they lefted about an hour later I grabbed a razor and cut. I put ten cuts on my wrist (first time cutting my wrist and it wasn't a suicide attempt just to let that be known.) They bled a lot, like a lot a lot. Bridget came by later to pick me up, kept my arm well hidden from her. But during prayer the cuts reopened (I was mad but now I know God did it for a reason.) I had to put a napkin on them. And they bled for hours (Not a lot very little but enough to stain the furniture if my wrist touched it or my clothes.) Well Jennifer (Another good friend of mine, who is my leader right now and brings me everywhere since I don't drive....) she saw the napkin and before I could move my arm she removed it and saw the cuts. She went and got Bridget. And Bridget saw them and like asked me what was wrong and stuff and like I just shook my head, I couldn't even talk to her. I started to cry (OH yes I cried at camp and that was my first time Crying in 6months) And She told me to look up at her and she just held me while I cried pretty much (No one has done that for awhile. At the time. Bridget has done it a few times since then. Gosh I love that girl!) And eventually we got up and went out in the hallway away from everyone and Jennifer and Bridget just talked to me. And told me even if my family didn't care they did. And loved me more than that. And that Jesus thought I was worth so much more. And I can only be who he intends for me to be, which is being me! And not what my family wants to be. So they prayed for me and Bridget just spent her whole night with me until I had to go Jessicas ( I was living with her that night. Love her too.) Well needless to say Bridget wouldn't allow me to be alone at all anymore. I was on constant 24/7 watch. But that was my last time I cut. And before all that happened I told my mom I was stopping the medicine and I wouldn't go back to see my pyschologist cuz she said I lied about the whole Drake (my other person inside my brain). I told my mom if she made me go back I'd just tell her to go get saved then walk out. I got a letter from them saying I needed to say on the medicine for at least 6months. Well it's been less than six months and I am the happiest I've ever been. Loving God, loving life, never stop smiling, and as hyper as ever. Ok back to my story. And Well two weeks before November six (No longer an intern now.) they made an alter call at church for people to go up and get baptized in the Holy Spirit with the evidence of speaking in tongues. I knew I had to but I didn't want to go up. Because I use to be a leader in that church...OMG what would people think? Is all I could think about but I went up there. Jennifer was my alter coach that night (Love her too.) She was yelling at me at first because I wasn't baptized in the spirit before and she didn't know. Then she prayed for me. Bridget found me later and I told her Jennifer at first didn't want to pray for me. (ALSO I was the only one who went up there that night and I was a leader...LOL...) And Bridget smacked me in my arm for not telling her before and getting filled during internship. Then I told her I wasn't baptized...She then proceeded to smack me for that...But then I asked her to go up with me when they do baptism so I wouldn't have to go alone. So then she hugged me. Well a week later, the last week of Oct (We are in the year of 05) I told her I don't know if I want to do this. I'll type my speech, "Bridget I don't know if I can do this. I mean I did once in Feb. I wasn't saved so I know I wasn't really baptized but what will people think if I do it again? And nonetheless I was an intern, a leader for XG. I can't do it." She smacked...(People at my church like to smack when I do things they think are dumb...) Then told me "They'll be proud of you because it takes courage to be obident to God. Especially when you did it once and it was false and everyone saw and then for you to go back again infront of them all and say this time it's for him and I'm sorry I was hypocrit before." So I went on November 6th 2005 and got baptized. And just recently almost three weeks ago, I cut off 12 inches of my hair and donated it as a part of my 20 day fast to get closer to God. That doesn't seem like a lot but it had been 2 and half years since I last cut my hair...And I'm scared to let people cut my hair cuz my ear was bitten off when I was ten. Anyways moving on. I'm a pastor now, just don't have the degree to prove it. One day I'll own my own church, and one of my bestfriends, her name is Faith. Will be right long beside me. I'm going to make a difference in my generation. I'm bringing people to God. I speak at my school. And at my church the youth church XG. I'm going to be the first 17 year old highschool student to preach a message on salvation and how theres more to it than saying Jesus is your savoir. No one who isn't in leadership at XG or just within household of Faith has given a message. And anyone who gives a message is always out of highschool. I'm the first and I'm changing lives already. 3 people I talk to on the net, I minister to and God is using me so he can save their souls. This is my purpose in life and I'm becoming what he wants me to be. And as of now at my age kids use the internet so I'm using the internet to preach. Only 4% of my generation is self proclaimed evanglisitic bible believing Christians. That number will rise and I'm going to be one of the people who help make that difference. And right now I'm starting it on here, myspace, gaia (check out my guild.)livejournal, blogspot, and hopefully quizilla (site doesn't always work on my computer.)
 OnceAgain89 · Mon Jan 23, 2006 @ 03:04am · 6 Comments |
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