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Is it normal that a mother calls her daughter fat? Today my mother gave me a comment that went something like this, "Those pants look small, have you gotten bigger?". Well, one comment like that I would only ignore... but she's saying things like that all the time. When I got my drivers license she said I looked fat in my picture on it and that I had a big nose. I really don't understand what she's trying to say. Is this just some warning that I shouldn't be eating so much? Does she think I excercise too little? I do know that those comments hurt me. Every time she says something like that my confidence shrinks a little. I know that I a few years ago didn't care too much about my body, that I didn't care what I ate and didn't exercise. I know my body isn't perfect because of those years. Does she really have to remind me all the time? Doesn't she understand how much I hate myself for being like that a few years ago? Doesn't she understand it's too late for me to do something about it now? According to all weight charts I have a completely normal weight, if not even more to the underweight side.
Sometimes I hate her.
Another thing that's really been bugging me too is her attitude when it comes to what school I'm going to choose. In about 3 months I have to start applying to universities and other higher education schools like that. I'm having a really hard time choosing... I'm simply lost when it comes to what I should do. What does she do? She critically looks down on me and bashes every single suggestion I make. I just can't discuss the whole issue with her, since she never gives me any support. She seems to hate the idea of me going to an art school. She says I don't have a good enough portfolio. What the hell does she know? She's never even cared about the work I've done, she's always just given me a degrading glare when I mention anything about my own art. The fact that I have straight 10's in my art classes doesn't seem to matter to her either (we don't use letters in Finland, we use a 4-10 scale, where 10 is the best possible grade). My other alternative is biology, but I really don't know which field in biology I want to specialize in. Besides I don't even know if I could stand studying it, it's simply just my second choice. That she seems to like, but once again she pays no attention to what I want. Why can't she even once be a little supportive? She's just making everything worse and my decision harder. No need to wonder who I got my negative attitude from.
Thank you for being such a wonderful mother.
 Mou · Sun Dec 18, 2005 @ 04:04pm · 2 Comments |
