You never said a word with tangled hands dry,
And I see through rose-colored eyes.
And I see through rose-colored eyes.
- So yeah. I haven't been typing in here for such a long time. And I noticed how I would become more active here when I have a crush or some shet.
Lol.
Okay, so here it goes.
It was on a Sunday, May 24.
You see, I'm in a Super Smash Bros. Brawl clan.
We're called, Exodus Clan.
Anyway, for the past few days before Sunday. I was very angry at the clan. They were making fun of me about stuff that I don't want to mention. <w<
Every time I got angry at them, I would always leave the chat. I tend to get off the computer as well and just go to sleep.
I sleep when I'm upset.
That day changed everything about the way I felt about him.
Okay okay. I don't know him personally, but who cares. I like him. And I don't think I will stop liking him any time soon.
Here's a chat between our friend, Ikey and him.
[5/24/2009 4:08:53 PM] Jackal: BTW.
[5/24/2009 4:08:58 PM] Jackal: I think mittens doesn't like me anymore. lol
[5/24/2009 4:09:03 PM] Jackal: Oh well.
[5/24/2009 4:09:11 PM] DeadlyDarkness: Why not
[5/24/2009 4:09:12 PM] DeadlyDarkness: ?
[5/24/2009 4:09:18 PM] DeadlyDarkness: Whats going on?
[5/24/2009 4:09:28 PM] Jackal: She just doesn't act nice to me anymore. lol
[5/24/2009 4:09:34 PM] Jackal: It doesn't matter though.
[5/24/2009 4:09:48 PM] DeadlyDarkness: She told me shes going to change
[5/24/2009 4:09:55 PM] Jackal: Going to change?
[5/24/2009 4:09:57 PM] Jackal: How?
[5/24/2009 4:09:58 PM] DeadlyDarkness: Because shes sick of being the bubbly ol Mittens everyone knows
[5/24/2009 4:10:04 PM] Jackal: Bubbly?
[5/24/2009 4:10:10 PM] DeadlyDarkness: Because then everyone will joke with her
[5/24/2009 4:10:15 PM] DeadlyDarkness: And they will think she wont mind
[5/24/2009 4:10:17 PM] Jackal: What will she be then?
[5/24/2009 4:10:28 PM] DeadlyDarkness: Im saying
[5/24/2009 4:10:28 PM] DeadlyDarkness: She wont be nice to anyone in EC
[5/24/2009 4:10:32 PM] Jackal: lol
[5/24/2009 4:10:36 PM] DeadlyDarkness: But Me, Huntah, and a few
[5/24/2009 4:10:37 PM] Jackal: Oh, kids.
[5/24/2009 4:10:42 PM] Jackal: What about me?
[5/24/2009 4:10:51 PM] Jackal: I thought I was her second best online friend?
[5/24/2009 4:10:58 PM] DeadlyDarkness: Well
[5/24/2009 4:11:02 PM] DeadlyDarkness: You joked with her too
[5/24/2009 4:11:07 PM] Jackal: It was that one time, Ike.
[5/24/2009 4:11:11 PM] DeadlyDarkness: I know
[5/24/2009 4:11:17 PM] Jackal: And don't try to tell me that you've never pissed her off either.
[5/24/2009 4:11:23 PM] Jackal: Since you've done it at least three times.
[5/24/2009 4:11:31 PM] DeadlyDarkness: I told her you would be more assholish since you said it yourself
[5/24/2009 4:11:34 PM] DeadlyDarkness: And I understand that
[5/24/2009 4:11:42 PM] Jackal: Simply put, Ike.
[5/24/2009 4:11:47 PM] Jackal: I'm tired of being nice to you all.
[5/24/2009 4:11:52 PM] Jackal: Only to have you all act assholish to me.
[5/24/2009 4:12:00 PM] Jackal: I help you all when you all need help.
[5/24/2009 4:12:05 PM] Jackal: Yet when I need help, none of you help me.
[5/24/2009 4:12:16 PM] Jackal: However, I must go now.
[5/24/2009 4:12:17 PM] DeadlyDarkness: I didnt act assholish when you helped me with Mittens and all
[5/24/2009 4:12:19 PM] Jackal: I'll bbl.
[5/24/2009 4:12:19 PM] DeadlyDarkness: Then you said it
[5/24/2009 4:12:24 PM] DeadlyDarkness: Ok
[5/24/2009 4:12:40 PM] Jackal: And of course not, that was when I was helping you.
[5/24/2009 4:12:45 PM] Jackal: Unless I'm helping you, you're not nice to me. lol
[5/24/2009 4:12:53 PM] Jackal: Same with everyone else, but colonel.
[5/24/2009 4:13:08 PM] DeadlyDarkness: Im nice to you, only that time when I was angry about her leaving over jokes
[5/24/2009 4:13:12 PM] Jackal: I've always had to hold my tongue on many things.
[5/24/2009 4:13:19 PM] DeadlyDarkness: I was trying to explain that she doesnt talk to people when she is mad
[5/24/2009 4:13:30 PM] DeadlyDarkness: And she doesnt tell people to stop joking and all
[5/24/2009 4:14:09 PM] DeadlyDarkness: And Im not saying this because of how I feel for her, people will see us as assholes when we joke with other people
[5/24/2009 4:15:05 PM] DeadlyDarkness: Just understand Im not mad at anyone anymore and I got over it all since I settled a plan with Mittens and all
[5/24/2009 10:50:13 PM] Jackal: Just understand.
[5/24/2009 10:50:17 PM] Jackal: That I don't like you all anymore. lol
[5/24/2009 10:50:35 PM] Jackal: You all are too ******** tense about s**t.
[5/24/2009 10:50:42 PM] Jackal: And always complain about s**t.
[5/24/2009 10:51:07 PM] Jackal: I try to be cool with you all and help you all out with your own s**t, but unless I'm helping you guys, you're not cool. lol
[5/24/2009 10:51:42 PM] DeadlyDarkness: So you dont like me and others or just the whole clan?
[5/24/2009 10:52:04 PM] Jackal: Pretty much the whole clan. lol
[5/24/2009 10:52:18 PM] Jackal: You guys just aren't chill, man.
[5/24/2009 10:52:18 PM] DeadlyDarkness: Well ok then
[5/24/2009 10:52:35 PM] DeadlyDarkness: You do know Im chill after all of this, right?
[5/24/2009 10:52:43 PM] DeadlyDarkness: I explained to Colonel
[5/24/2009 10:52:48 PM] DeadlyDarkness: I guess he didnt tell you
[5/24/2009 10:52:52 PM] namoorman: Didn't tell me what?
[5/24/2009 10:53:05 PM] DeadlyDarkness: I just told him Im chill with everything now
[5/24/2009 10:53:11 PM] DeadlyDarkness: Since I overreacted
[5/24/2009 10:53:51 PM] DeadlyDarkness: Im basically letting you know Im chill after all thats happened
[5/24/2009 10:53:53 PM] DeadlyDarkness: :l
[5/24/2009 10:54:14 PM] Jackal: k.
[5/24/2009 10:54:16 PM] Jackal: But you weren't.
[5/24/2009 10:54:17 PM] Jackal: When it happened.
[5/24/2009 10:54:19 PM] Jackal: See, thing is.
[5/24/2009 10:54:23 PM] Jackal: You all cause alot of problems.
[5/24/2009 10:54:27 PM] Jackal: Problems that are stupid s**t.
[5/24/2009 10:54:31 PM] Jackal: Problems that I try to work out.
[5/24/2009 10:54:32 PM] DeadlyDarkness: Just that when I try to explain things, you pop up like 4 questions
[5/24/2009 10:54:33 PM] Jackal: But you all neve rlisten.
[5/24/2009 10:54:43 PM] Jackal: You're all ignorant, at least to a certain degree.
[5/24/2009 10:54:50 PM] Jackal: But then again, everyone is, to some degree.
[5/24/2009 10:55:51 PM] DeadlyDarkness: Jackal, I was trying to say to be carefull about what you say since if someone gets angry, it maybe could have a impact on new clan members and make us look like assholes when something like what has happened, happened
[5/24/2009 10:56:05 PM] DeadlyDarkness: But Colonel was interupting me
[5/24/2009 10:56:18 PM] DeadlyDarkness: So I couldnt say anything since he keeps shooting me down
[5/24/2009 10:56:18 PM] Jackal: Then PC it to me.
[5/24/2009 10:56:20 PM] Jackal: Think.
[5/24/2009 10:56:23 PM] Jackal: Don't just react.
[5/24/2009 10:56:42 PM] Jackal: http://i39.tinypic.com/68roeu.jpg
[5/24/2009 10:56:50 PM] Jackal: http://i42.tinypic.com/14c8aq8.jpg
[5/24/2009 10:56:55 PM] Jackal: http://i41.tinypic.com/29yjbk3.jpg
[5/24/2009 10:57:57 PM] DeadlyDarkness: Whats all that for?
[5/24/2009 10:58:16 PM] Jackal: (chuckle)
[5/24/2009 10:58:23 PM] DeadlyDarkness: Whats that got to do about anything? lol
[5/24/2009 10:58:38 PM] DeadlyDarkness: I knew that Colonel was going to screenie that
[5/24/2009 10:58:43 PM] DeadlyDarkness: Since I basically said dont screenie
[5/24/2009 10:58:56 PM] DeadlyDarkness: "Dont screenie this and show it to Mittens. :l"
[5/24/2009 10:59:06 PM] Jackal: Oops.
[5/24/2009 10:59:31 PM] DeadlyDarkness: You showed her?
[5/24/2009 10:59:41 PM] Jackal: Anti screenied it.
[5/24/2009 11:00:04 PM] DeadlyDarkness: How can he screenie it when it says Colonel as the person in the chatbox
[5/24/2009 11:00:26 PM] DeadlyDarkness: Right abotu Z00M, it says Colonel
[5/24/2009 11:00:37 PM | Edited 11:00:57 PM] DeadlyDarkness: Basically saying he took a screenie from his computer
[5/24/2009 11:00:38 PM] DeadlyDarkness: :l
[5/24/2009 11:00:59 PM] Jackal: He used paint to edit it.
[5/24/2009 11:01:25 PM] DeadlyDarkness: Are you serious that Im going to fall for this? >_>
[5/24/2009 11:01:48 PM] DeadlyDarkness: I knew Colonel screenied
[5/24/2009 11:01:51 PM] DeadlyDarkness: He said he didnt
[5/24/2009 11:02:08 PM] DeadlyDarkness: But I knew since he said "You were making it too easy to know you were joking"
[5/24/2009 11:02:12 PM] DeadlyDarkness: "I didnt screenie"
[5/24/2009 11:02:31 PM] DeadlyDarkness: But overall, I dont care about those screenies
[5/24/2009 11:02:46 PM] DeadlyDarkness: Since, its not hard to notice I do look at Hentai?
[5/24/2009 11:16:26 PM] Jackal: I wonder.
[5/24/2009 11:16:28 PM] Jackal: If I should leave EC.
[5/24/2009 11:16:51 PM] DeadlyDarkness: You said EC would be your last clan?
[5/24/2009 11:17:04 PM] DeadlyDarkness: And why would you leave EC after all thats happened?
[5/24/2009 11:18:13 PM] Jackal: Because. lol
[5/24/2009 11:18:20 PM] Jackal: Why do you all care?
[5/24/2009 11:18:30 PM] DeadlyDarkness: I care since you worked your a** off
[5/24/2009 11:18:33 PM] DeadlyDarkness: I still admire that
[5/24/2009 11:18:56 PM] DeadlyDarkness: You've poured so much into EC
[5/24/2009 11:19:01 PM] DeadlyDarkness: No reason to give up now
[5/24/2009 11:20:13 PM] Jackal: I love how you care about what the person has done.
[5/24/2009 11:20:19 PM] Jackal: Not who the person is, himself.
[5/24/2009 11:20:26 PM] Jackal: is himself&*
[5/24/2009 11:20:45 PM] Jackal: Be honest, Ike.
[5/24/2009 11:20:52 PM] DeadlyDarkness: Jackal
[5/24/2009 11:20:52 PM] namoorman: You wouldn't care if I left the clan, would you?
[5/24/2009 11:21:00 PM] Jackal: See, Ike.
[5/24/2009 11:21:00 PM] DeadlyDarkness: I even said, I admire you
[5/24/2009 11:21:02 PM] DeadlyDarkness: In the forums
[5/24/2009 11:21:06 PM] Jackal: There are only two things that make me pissed online.
[5/24/2009 11:21:09 PM] DeadlyDarkness: And I would care
[5/24/2009 11:21:11 PM] Jackal: When someone gets in the way of my goal.
[5/24/2009 11:21:21 PM] Jackal: Or when someone doesn't treat me how I've treated them
[5/24/2009 11:21:43 PM] Jackal: When people disrespect me so blatantly as to deny me the same kindness I've given to them.
[5/24/2009 11:22:40 PM] Jackal: You've already given me all the proof I need, Ike.
[5/24/2009 11:22:45 PM] Jackal: That you don't care. lol
[5/24/2009 11:23:03 PM] Jackal: Instead of actually asking what's wrong, or why I'm pissed with you all.
[5/24/2009 11:23:11 PM] Jackal: You simply say "Well ok then".
[5/24/2009 11:24:16 PM] DeadlyDarkness: Jackal, I admit, Ive done wrong in my past
[5/24/2009 11:24:54 PM] Jackal: I've committed a wrong today.
[5/24/2009 11:24:58 PM] Jackal: But only to test you all.
[5/24/2009 11:25:05 PM] Jackal: Funny, how when I'm not the "White knight" of the clan.
[5/24/2009 11:25:19 PM] Jackal: Everyone here treats me as if I'm a bad leader.
[5/24/2009 11:25:22 PM] Jackal: Or as if they don't care.
[5/24/2009 11:25:26 PM] Jackal: Don't you think that's funny?
[5/24/2009 11:25:31 PM] Jackal: See, that's why you're all losing my friendship.
[5/24/2009 11:25:40 PM] Jackal: Throughout the years, the only person I've met online.
[5/24/2009 11:25:44 PM] Jackal: Who has actually stayed cool with me.
[5/24/2009 11:25:47 PM] Jackal: Has been colonel.
[5/24/2009 11:25:59 PM] Jackal: Because he's the only one here who actually knows how to be a friend.
[5/24/2009 11:26:07 PM] Jackal: But, you wouldn't know anytihng about that now, would you?
[5/24/2009 11:30:15 PM] DeadlyDarkness: What do you think about the other members
[5/24/2009 11:30:24 PM] Jackal: TBH.
[5/24/2009 11:30:28 PM] Jackal: Until you all can change my mind.
[5/24/2009 11:30:33 PM] Jackal: I won't accept any of you.
[5/24/2009 11:30:41 PM] Jackal: With the exception of colonel and delta.
[5/24/2009 11:37:53 PM] Jackal: TBH./
[5/24/2009 11:37:57 PM] Jackal: This chat serves no purpose.
[5/24/2009 11:38:10 PM] Jackal: Other than a template for me to copy and paste this.
[5/24/2009 11:38:16 PM] Jackal: So that I don't have to retype it.
[5/24/2009 11:38:32 PM] Jackal: Seeing as how you're not saying anything, and all that.
[5/24/2009 11:39:06 PM] DeadlyDarkness: Jackal, in the past 34 mins, Ive been hurt badly
[5/24/2009 11:39:10 PM] DeadlyDarkness: Basically
[5/24/2009 11:39:14 PM] DeadlyDarkness: I have no words left to say
[5/24/2009 11:39:31 PM] Jackal: k
[5/24/2009 11:39:34 PM] Jackal: Have fun with that.
[5/24/2009 11:42:27 PM] Jackal: To be honest.
[5/24/2009 11:42:33 PM] Jackal: There's so many things I've been having problems with online.
[5/24/2009 11:42:41 PM] Jackal: That I can't even begin to say them all.
[5/24/2009 11:43:01 PM] Jackal: Do you have any idea what it's like having so many things on your mind online, and wanting to say them, but knowing that you can't?
[5/24/2009 11:43:11 PM] DeadlyDarkness: no
[5/24/2009 11:43:18 PM] Jackal: Even saying that the way I did is an understatement.
[5/24/2009 11:45:04 PM] DeadlyDarkness: Tell me about them
[5/24/2009 11:45:07 PM] DeadlyDarkness: If you want to
[5/24/2009 11:47:29 PM] Jackal: Eh.
[5/24/2009 11:47:32 PM] Jackal: Honestly.
[5/24/2009 11:47:40 PM] Jackal: I don't feel like telling you anymore. lol
[5/24/2009 11:47:48 PM] Jackal: I would have a while back.
[5/24/2009 11:47:55 PM] Jackal: But, you probably don't really care.
[5/24/2009 11:48:07 PM] Jackal: You only even asked because you realized that that's what you should have done.
[5/24/2009 11:48:53 PM] DeadlyDarkness: It is what I should of have done
[5/24/2009 11:49:03 PM] DeadlyDarkness: I didnt relize in the past I should of
[5/24/2009 11:49:22 PM] Jackal: Because you don't really care about me. lol
[5/24/2009 11:49:33 PM] Jackal: If it was mittens or someone who you cared about, you would have.
[5/24/2009 11:49:38 PM] Jackal: Since it is a natural thing.
[5/24/2009 11:49:40 PM] DeadlyDarkness: Ive never remembered you coming to me about a problem
[5/24/2009 11:49:48 PM] Jackal: I don't.
[5/24/2009 11:49:53 PM] Jackal: Because I hold my tongue.
[5/24/2009 11:50:00 PM] Jackal: I'm at the breaking point right now;
[5/24/2009 11:50:06 PM] Jackal: THe point where I'm either going to leave.
[5/24/2009 11:50:08 PM] Jackal: Or stay.
[5/24/2009 11:50:13 PM] DeadlyDarkness: I dont see you with problems though, you seem to handle everything
[5/24/2009 11:50:50 PM] Jackal: I only make it seem like that to make you all feel more secure.
[5/24/2009 11:51:03 PM] Jackal: In a way, I've used psychology.
[5/24/2009 11:51:11 PM] Jackal: To influence the way people see me.
[5/24/2009 11:51:22 PM] Jackal: Which is one reason why I've never changed my avatar.
[5/24/2009 11:51:29 PM] Jackal: To make it a symbol of what I stand for, in a way.
[5/24/2009 11:52:46 PM] DeadlyDarkness: Jackal, if you came to me with something wrong or bugging you, I would of have helped
[5/24/2009 11:53:03 PM] DeadlyDarkness: I would of had helped because I owed you
[5/24/2009 11:53:22 PM] DeadlyDarkness: And I still care about you since you've helped me
[5/24/2009 11:53:31 PM] DeadlyDarkness: I wouldnt of thrown you away after all of this
[5/24/2009 11:54:05 PM] Jackal: That's basically what you've done. lol
[5/24/2009 11:54:08 PM] Jackal: Along with everyone else.
[5/24/2009 11:54:38 PM] DeadlyDarkness: If Ive thrown you away, I wouldnt care about this
[5/24/2009 11:54:45 PM] DeadlyDarkness: Since right now, Im hurt after all of thsi
[5/24/2009 11:54:47 PM] DeadlyDarkness: *this
[5/24/2009 11:55:02 PM] DeadlyDarkness: I never threw you away
[5/24/2009 11:55:12 PM] DeadlyDarkness: Friends can make it up to each to each other
[5/24/2009 11:58:48 PM] Jackal: "Well ok then"
[5/24/2009 11:59:23 PM] DeadlyDarkness: Friends tend to get angry at times
[5/24/2009 11:59:30 PM] Jackal: K, so.
[5/24/2009 11:59:31 PM] DeadlyDarkness: They want to have time to theirselves
[5/24/2009 11:59:41 PM] Jackal: If one of your friends told you that they were done with you.
[5/24/2009 11:59:44 PM] DeadlyDarkness: So, when I was angry, I wanted time to myself
[5/24/2009 11:59:47 PM] Jackal: You're just gonna be like "k"
[5/24/2009 11:59:51 PM] DeadlyDarkness: No
[5/24/2009 11:59:52 PM] Jackal: Yeah, that makes perfect sense.
[5/24/2009 11:59:59 PM] DeadlyDarkness: You know I wouldnt ever give up my friends
[5/24/2009 11:59:59 PM] Jackal: Nice excuse.
[12:00:07 AM] Jackal: Ike.
[12:00:19 AM] Jackal: You don't care about me, you care about what I've done.
[12:00:45 AM] DeadlyDarkness: Ive always seen you as a good guy to be around
[12:00:54 AM] DeadlyDarkness: I care about the person behind the screen too Jackal
[12:00:56 AM] Jackal: Because of my actions.
[12:01:29 AM] Jackal: I'm just saying, you all don't care. lol
[12:01:57 AM] Jackal: You know very well.
[12:02:13 AM] Jackal: If I hadn't pushed you to say what I wanted you to say; if I hadn't tested your limits with that.
[12:02:17 AM] Jackal: You would have let it all go.
[12:02:32 AM] Jackal: You care now because I made you care.
[12:04:43 AM] DeadlyDarkness: Right now, Jackal
[12:04:47 AM] DeadlyDarkness: I dont know what to say
[12:05:11 AM] DeadlyDarkness: If only you understood how much I cared about you being my friend and all
[12:05:25 AM] DeadlyDarkness: I cant find the words to describe you being my friend
[12:06:25 AM] Jackal: It's your past actions that contradict your present words.
[5/25/2009 1:20:29 AM] namoorman: But then again, I always never had much confidense in myself.
[5/25/2009 1:20:47 AM] Jackal: I suppose it suits me to overreact to a situation such as this.
[5/25/2009 1:21:49 AM] Mittenkiss: You seem like the guy who has a lot of confidence. Lemme read this. ._.
[5/25/2009 1:22:52 AM] Jackal: I only do when I'm in my utmost comfort zone, I guess you could say.
[5/25/2009 1:23:16 AM] Jackal: I suppose it's due to the fact that I'm the exact opposite of arrogance.
[5/25/2009 1:23:24 AM] Jackal: Which would explain why I despise arrogance so much.
[5/25/2009 1:27:02 AM] Mittenkiss: I guess people have different things that agitate them. And it's not really our fault. And we might as well have to get used to it no matter how long it takes us to get used to it. It's probably like marrying someone you love so much and she/he has this really bad habit of chewing food with their mouth open and you want to just scream at him/her to shut their mouth and eat with their mouth closed.
[5/25/2009 1:27:37 AM] Jackal: I suppose.
[5/25/2009 1:27:58 AM] Jackal: I guess it's just part of my upbringing.
[5/25/2009 1:28:07 AM] Jackal: My nature to feel somewhat insecure about things.
[5/25/2009 1:28:20 AM] Jackal: Or maybe I just worry a bit too much.
[5/25/2009 1:28:22 AM] Jackal: I don't really know.
[5/25/2009 1:28:53 AM] Mittenkiss: What were you so insecure about? How we didn't seem like we cared about you?
[5/25/2009 1:29:01 AM] Mittenkiss: If that made sense
[5/25/2009 1:29:03 AM] Mittenkiss: owo;;
[5/25/2009 1:29:31 AM] Jackal: Yeah.
[5/25/2009 1:29:35 AM] Jackal: I suppose.
[5/25/2009 1:29:56 AM] Mittenkiss: What are you thinking right now?
[5/25/2009 1:30:07 AM] Jackal: I dunno.
[5/25/2009 1:30:22 AM] Mittenkiss: There's probably something. You jsut don't wanna tell me
[5/25/2009 1:30:25 AM] Mittenkiss: Because you'll upset me.
[5/25/2009 1:30:35 AM] Jackal: I'm not angry anymore.
[5/25/2009 1:30:43 AM] Jackal: I'm just... I dunno.
[5/25/2009 1:31:58 AM] Mittenkiss: Lifeless? If there's anything. I'll try to help the best way I can. Even though, I'm pretty bad with advice. I'll try to help.
[5/25/2009 1:32:24 AM] Jackal: Eh, what do you think I should do about all this?
[5/25/2009 1:32:57 AM] Mittenkiss: Well for one thing. I think I triggered all of this.
[5/25/2009 1:33:05 AM] Jackal: Why is that?
[5/25/2009 1:33:29 AM] Mittenkiss: Cause. From reading that convo. You thought I hated you and then you went on about how you just stopped caring.
[5/25/2009 1:33:38 AM] Mittenkiss: It went from me to the clan.
[5/25/2009 1:33:39 AM] Jackal: Eh, that was just the start of it.
[5/25/2009 1:33:48 AM] Jackal: But, yeah, you might be.
[5/25/2009 1:33:51 AM] Jackal: I'm not really sure.
[5/25/2009 1:33:54 AM] Mittenkiss: I think it's me.
[5/25/2009 1:33:58 AM] Jackal: When I get like this, even I'm not good with deciphering stuff.
[5/25/2009 1:34:27 AM] Mittenkiss: I'm pretty sure it's me. Sometimes I just try to decode what goes on with someone till I figure it out.
[5/25/2009 1:34:37 AM] Jackal: Yeah.
[5/25/2009 1:34:44 AM] Mittenkiss: Once you started acting the way you did. I started thinking
[5/25/2009 1:34:50 AM] Mittenkiss: And found out I was the cause of this.
[5/25/2009 1:34:52 AM] Mittenkiss: I'm sorry, Jackal.
[5/25/2009 1:35:15 AM] Jackal: It's not your fault, there wasn't anything that you knew to do, I suppose would be how to say it.
[5/25/2009 1:35:26 AM] Mittenkiss: Maybe..
[5/25/2009 1:35:39 AM] Mittenkiss: I'm just used to being teased over a period of time.
[5/25/2009 1:35:43 AM] Mittenkiss: Even IRL if someone teased me
[5/25/2009 1:35:49 AM] Mittenkiss: I'd react the same way I would here online.
[5/25/2009 1:35:58 AM] Mittenkiss: not used*
[5/25/2009 1:35:59 AM] Jackal: I see.
[5/25/2009 1:36:22 AM] Jackal: You know that I don't mean anything bad by it, right?
[5/25/2009 1:36:25 AM] Jackal: It's just a joke.
[5/25/2009 1:36:35 AM] Jackal: One of my passions in life is to make people laugh.
[5/25/2009 1:36:50 AM] Jackal: I love being the funny guy.
[5/25/2009 1:37:32 AM] Mittenkiss: I guess I should learn to take a joke when you make one like that.
[5/25/2009 1:37:38 AM] Mittenkiss: I just wonder about Colonel.
[5/25/2009 1:37:56 AM] Jackal: Like I've said, Colonel is exactly like me.
[5/25/2009 1:38:02 AM] Jackal: In almost every way, personality wise.
[5/25/2009 1:38:20 AM] Jackal: Or, in most ways that are visual, at least.
[5/25/2009 1:38:43 AM] Mittenkiss: Well what about the avatar thing? Is that honesty?
[5/25/2009 1:38:56 AM] Mittenkiss: I think it's honesty
[5/25/2009 1:38:57 AM] Jackal: Hmm?
[5/25/2009 1:39:04 AM] Jackal: I'm always honest.
[5/25/2009 1:39:09 AM] Jackal: Or, at least, I always try to be.
[5/25/2009 1:39:11 AM] Mittenkiss: I know you're honest
[5/25/2009 1:39:15 AM] Jackal: Unless I'm lying to protect a secret.
[5/25/2009 1:39:17 AM] Mittenkiss: But when Colonel disses my avatar
[5/25/2009 1:39:26 AM] Jackal: What do you mean?
[5/25/2009 1:39:29 AM] Mittenkiss: You didnt see?
[5/25/2009 1:39:30 AM] Mittenkiss: owo
[5/25/2009 1:39:39 AM] Jackal: Eh, your avatars are just weird to him. lol
[5/25/2009 1:39:41 AM] Mittenkiss: Oh
[5/25/2009 1:39:42 AM] Mittenkiss: Lawl
[5/25/2009 1:39:43 AM] Jackal: He's just kidding.
[5/25/2009 1:39:56 AM] Mittenkiss: You know him better than I do. So I'll take your word for it.
[5/25/2009 1:39:58 AM] Jackal You have an original taste in avatars, I guess you could say.
[5/25/2009 1:40:03 AM] Mittenkiss: Maybe.
[5/25/2009 1:40:08 AM] Mittenkiss: I just go to deviantart.com
[5/25/2009 1:40:08 AM] Mittenkiss: :l
[5/25/2009 1:40:10 AM] Jackal: What was your fear in that situation?
[5/25/2009 1:40:24 AM] Mittenkiss: Well. It just makes me not wanna change avatars
[5/25/2009 1:40:28 AM] Mittenkiss: Since I felt like
[5/25/2009 1:40:29 AM] Mittenkiss: He hated them
[5/25/2009 1:40:32 AM] Jackal: It's not a big deal.
[5/25/2009 1:40:36 AM] Mittenkiss: I know
[5/25/2009 1:40:41 AM] Mittenkiss: But he always seems to make a big deal
[5/25/2009 1:40:42 AM] Jackal: It's just a weird thing.
[5/25/2009 1:40:43 AM] Mittenkiss: For like
[5/25/2009 1:40:44 AM] Mittenkiss: 5 minutes
[5/25/2009 1:40:46 AM] Jackal: See, it's human nature.
[5/25/2009 1:40:55 AM] Jackal: But, we try to connect with the person we're talking to online.
[5/25/2009 1:41:00 AM] Jackal: Through what they give us to reach to.
[5/25/2009 1:41:04 AM] Jackal: You get what I'm saying?
[5/25/2009 1:41:17 AM] Jackal: We view their avatar as their personality, in a way.
[5/25/2009 1:41:27 AM] Jackal: We view their avatars for what the person stands for.
[5/25/2009 1:41:46 AM] Jackal: If used consistently, it becomes a symbol for that very person.
[5/25/2009 1:42:13 AM] Jackal: It's pretty complicated.
[5/25/2009 1:42:33 AM] Jackal: Since the internet is basically a well of psychological actions and reactions, you know?
[5/25/2009 1:42:45 AM] Mittenkiss: I guess so. And what you mean was like. Change maybe?
[5/25/2009 1:42:50 AM] Jackal: I think it might be one of the things that got me so interested in psychology.
[5/25/2009 1:43:09 AM] Mittenkiss: Wondering about peoples minds and such?
[5/25/2009 1:43:16 AM] Jackal: It's not only change, but when you change the images so blatantly, I mean.
[5/25/2009 1:43:20 AM] Jackal: It's not a big thing, or anything.
[5/25/2009 1:43:24 AM] Jackal: It's just... unexpected.
[5/25/2009 1:43:45 AM] Jackal: And mostly everyone I'd say finds the unexpected to be unpleasent to a certain degree.
[5/25/2009 1:43:52 AM] Jackal: But, of course, it's nothing anyone would get upset over.
[5/25/2009 1:43:56 AM] Jackal: Colonel doesn't really care.
[5/25/2009 1:44:05 AM] Jackal: It's just something that makes him comment on it absent mindedly.
[5/25/2009 1:45:56 AM] Mittenkiss: I understand now.
[5/25/2009 1:46:09 AM] Mittenkiss: Bleh. I have to start not taking things seriously and just chillax.
[5/25/2009 1:46:21 AM] Jackal: There's a hidden factor in everything.
[5/25/2009 1:46:36 AM] Jackal: To be honest, mittens.
[5/25/2009 1:46:44 AM] Jackal: The more someone jokes around with you, the more they like you.
[5/25/2009 1:46:58 AM] Jackal: When you're joking around with someone on the internet, in a way, it's expressing how much you like the person.
[5/25/2009 1:47:02 AM] Jackal: Think of it this way.
[5/25/2009 1:47:08 AM] Jackal: When you make a joke about someone, what do you feel and think?
[5/25/2009 1:47:34 AM] Jackal: It's going to be the same as others 95% of the time, I'd say.
[5/25/2009 1:48:59 AM] Mittenkiss: I don't really know what they feel since... I'm not in their shoes. But, I guess I'll take it easy from now on.
[5/25/2009 1:49:02 AM] Mittenkiss: I promise
[5/25/2009 1:49:39 AM] Jackal: Okay, thanks.
[5/25/2009 1:50:30 AM] Mittenkiss: So... You're ok now?
[5/25/2009 1:50:36 AM] Mittenkiss: Cause. I'm gonna stay up till you're ok
[5/25/2009 1:50:37 AM] Mittenkiss: :l
[5/25/2009 1:50:46 AM] Jackal: I'm okay now, I suppose.
[5/25/2009 1:50:52 AM] Jackal: I don't want to stop you from getting any sleep.
[5/25/2009 1:51:01 AM] Jackal: I don't want to be a cause of worry for you.
[5/25/2009 1:51:15 AM] Jackal: I just want to know that you care about me, that's all, I suppose.
[5/25/2009 1:51:16 AM] Mittenkiss: Nah. I got no school tomorrow. And I've stayed up for someone and only got like 2 hours of sleep. And it was a school night.
[5/25/2009 1:51:26 AM] Mittenkiss: I'm glad I showed you that thingy. <w<;;
[5/25/2009 1:52:54 AM] Jackal: Wait, so, you have a crush on me or some s**t? lol O_o
[5/25/2009 1:53:03 AM] Mittenkiss: D:
[5/25/2009 1:53:08 AM] Mittenkiss: No.
[5/25/2009 1:53:19 AM] Mittenkiss: That was back in april
[5/25/2009 1:53:25 AM] Mittenkiss: Who knows what I'm feeling now.
[5/25/2009 1:53:25 AM] Mittenkiss: :l
[5/25/2009 1:53:27 AM] Jackal: Oh. lol
[5/25/2009 1:53:29 AM] Jackal: What changed?
[5/25/2009 1:53:36 AM] Mittenkiss: Some stuff.
[5/25/2009 1:53:49 AM] Jackal: Like what, if you don't mind me asking? lol
[5/25/2009 1:53:55 AM] Mittenkiss: Lawl. You're like so oblivious.
[5/25/2009 1:53:56 AM] Mittenkiss: xD
[5/25/2009 1:53:58 AM] Mittenkiss: But it's funny.
[5/25/2009 1:54:20 AM] Jackal: What do you mean by Oblivious? lol
[5/25/2009 1:54:38 AM] Mittenkiss: Nuffin.
[5/25/2009 1:54:39 AM] Mittenkiss: Lawl.
[5/25/2009 1:54:47 AM] Jackal: Just tell me. lol
[5/25/2009 1:54:51 AM] Mittenkiss: No. D:<
[5/25/2009 1:54:56 AM] Jackal: Why not? lol
[5/25/2009 1:54:58 AM] Mittenkiss: Cause.
[5/25/2009 1:54:58 AM] Mittenkiss: :<
[5/25/2009 1:55:04 AM] Jackal: Because what? lol
[5/25/2009 1:55:09 AM] Mittenkiss: Why do you wanna know so much?
[5/25/2009 1:55:09 AM] Mittenkiss: :<
[5/25/2009 1:55:54 AM] Jackal: "unmindful; unconscious; unaware (usually fol. by of or to): She was oblivious of his admiration. :
[5/25/2009 1:55:56 AM] Jackal: "*
[5/25/2009 1:55:57 AM] Jackal: lol
[5/25/2009 1:56:04 AM] Mittenkiss: Yesss
[5/25/2009 1:56:05 AM] Mittenkiss: Lol
[5/25/2009 1:56:13 AM] Jackal: To be honest, mittens.
[5/25/2009 1:56:15 AM] Jackal I liked you too.
[5/25/2009 1:56:20 AM] Mittenkiss: wat
[5/25/2009 1:56:31 AM] Mittenkiss: Im flabbergasted
[5/25/2009 1:56:40 AM] Mittenkiss: The mighty jackal liked someone online
[5/25/2009 1:56:44 AM] Mittenkiss: You dont seem like that guy
[5/25/2009 1:56:48 AM] Jackal: I have no clue. lol
[5/25/2009 1:56:57 AM] Jackal: It's not that I like you online, really.
[5/25/2009 1:57:02 AM] Jackal: It's just that I have a feeling that if I knew you IRL.
[5/25/2009 1:57:07 AM] Jackal: That I would like you.
[5/25/2009 1:57:27 AM] Mittenkiss: Ooh
[5/25/2009 1:57:28 AM] Mittenkiss: Haha.
[5/25/2009 1:57:35 AM] Jackal: I dunno. lol
[5/25/2009 1:57:38 AM] Mittenkiss: But some people don't take the time to get to know me.
[5/25/2009 1:57:38 AM] Jackal: It's weird.
[5/25/2009 1:57:41 AM] Mittenkiss: Since Im shy and all
[5/25/2009 1:57:46 AM] Jackal: Yeah, same.
[5/25/2009 1:57:48 AM] Mittenkiss: So people might think Im stuck up
[5/25/2009 1:58:02 AM] Jackal: What do you mean? lol
[5/25/2009 1:58:26 AM] Mittenkiss: You know how some people will treat certain people differently. Like they aren't their kind of people to talk to?
[5/25/2009 1:58:33 AM] Jackal: Yeah.
[5/25/2009 1:58:34 AM] Mittenkiss: Maybe like that.
[5/25/2009 1:58:45 AM] Jackal: Oh, I see.
[5/25/2009 1:58:49 AM] Mittenkiss: Iunno really.
[5/25/2009 1:58:49 AM] Mittenkiss: Lol
[5/25/2009 1:58:52 AM] Jackal: lol
[5/25/2009 1:58:56 AM] Jackal: So, you don't like me anymore?
[5/25/2009 1:59:01 AM] Mittenkiss: owo
[5/25/2009 1:59:08 AM] Mittenkiss: Iunno. Should I?
[5/25/2009 1:59:13 AM] Jackal: It's up to you.
[5/25/2009 1:59:14 AM] Mittenkiss: Lol.
[5/25/2009 1:59:16 AM] Jackal: Since I still like you.
[5/25/2009 1:59:20 AM] Mittenkiss: O:
[5/25/2009 1:59:34 AM] Mittenkiss: Hold on
[5/25/2009 1:59:35 AM] Mittenkiss: Brb.
I was freaking out here, that's why I went brb just to go to the bathroom and just Iunno. Just freak the eff out.
[5/25/2009 1:59:42 AM] Jackal: k. lol
[5/25/2009 1:59:53 AM] Jackal: But yeah, don't tell anyone.
[5/25/2009 2:00:02 AM] Jackal: It'd make things akward. lol
[5/25/2009 2:00:06 AM] Jackal: Especially with Ike.
[5/25/2009 2:00:06 AM] Mittenkiss: Yeah. I wouldnt
[5/25/2009 2:00:25 AM] Mittenkiss: You got me freakin out, yo.
[5/25/2009 2:00:30 AM] Jackal: lol
[5/25/2009 2:00:32 AM] Jackal: Why?
[5/25/2009 2:00:39 AM] Mittenkiss: :
[5/25/2009 2:00:40 AM] Mittenkiss: l
[5/25/2009 2:00:40 AM] Mittenkiss: :l
[5/25/2009 2:00:41 AM] Mittenkiss: Lol
[5/25/2009 2:00:47 AM] Jackal: lol
Since then everything between us changed.
Typically, he isn't the kind of guy to like anyone online. He has this resistance, from what he told me.
He hangs around druggies, but he's never been into them like they have. Though they have pressured him, and he doesn't give in.
I'm glad.
He too has changed me in many ways, and the ways I think of things.
Also.
I promised to never steal ever again because he told me not to steal anymore.
To never get into drugs or become a "bad" girl.
Since then, I've been just..
Thinking about him non-stop.
But then there was a halt.
I'll type that tomorrow or something.
I'll just be describing my feelings for him right now.
Though, he has asked me if I was just being nice to him.
Lulz.
But I'm not.
My feelings for him are real and honest.
From the time I fall asleep, to the time I wake up, Jackal is all I think about.
Jackal isn't his real name by the way.
It's really hard to focus in school, since I just wanna think about him, and only him.
Jackal and I have waaaaaaay too much in common.
Psychology is in our interests.
We like brawl.
We're both shy and quiet people.
Lack confidence.
Get crazy around our friends.
Have interest in the same music. [He's getting into rap and stuff now cause of his friends.]
Don't do drugs.
Sometimes we think the same and accidentally type out the same stuff at the same time.
We seem to question a lot.
And many others.
xD
Oh and, I made a poem around April for him.
You're a year older
Yes, he is older by a year and some months and days.
I only knew him for such a short amount of time and when I heard the news he's going to college around September [He recently told me that it may be around July now. ;w;] it crushed me. I nearly cried. I grew so attached to him in such a short amount of time.
I'll tell you more about how we met and such in the next journal. [If I remember how we did. xDDDD]
I don't know how I'll work this since I'm basically shooting the past out of my a** and trying to fill it all up till today, so yeah, it's pretty hard.
xD
But yeah, I did grow to like him in a small amount of time.
When I got to know him better, I just began to adore him.
It was around March where I began to like him.
He only knew me in like what, less than a couple of months and has trusted me to know his real name.
He hasn't told his real name to many people, only a couple.
I always wondered why he never would tell anyone his real name.
I think he said that he didn't like knowing anyone online knowing his real name. Lulz.
It was around March where I felt like I wanted to quit, TK.
Okay, Originally, I was in TK, since there was a merge with CA, I believe.
TK = The Kontsent
CA = Chaos Alliance I don't know if I spelled it right.
lmfao.
But yeah, there was a merge, and then all this stuff happened, and I felt like quitting.
Jackal had pc'd me, and comforted me.
When he said that I can tell him anything and tell him who bothers me in the clan and such, he'll stop it and make me feel better.
I still have the entry for that.
I'll type it out.
xDDDDDD;;
March 16th, 2009 Monday
I woke up late this morning, I did wake up on time, about 5am. But, I went back to sleep. Just then, my mom opens the door and yells at me. Muttering under her breath. I thought it was 5:30am or 5:40 something. Ended up it was 6:16am. So I get up and get ready. I didn't know what to do, shower or just get ready? I just got ready. My hair was doing ok. I just pulled up pants I found, and pulled on a polo.
Last night was just... Depressing. So was Saturday night.
Jackal was talking to me and telling me things, even secrets. Apparently he does trust me. I love his attitude, and haha...
There is just something about him that seems to draw me to him.
When he was asking me what is wrong and stuff. He felt like a boyfriend.
"What if they don't stop teasing me?" I say.
"Then I'll take care of it, ok?" Jackal replies.
"Ok. <.<" I type.
"What is it?"
"It's nothing."
"Very well."
When he said that, my heart immediately shook and skipped a beat.
Maybe he is on to me for liking him in a way. I'm sure he has an idea.
That wasn't all of it, but oh well. xD
This was when Jackal told me he's going away to college.
Here's the ending of that journal entry.
When Jackal goes away to college around September, I'm gonna miss him. every where I went, I seemed to have seen him, I even be friended him for a reason I do not even remember.
He came and visited TK a few times way before the merge. I wondered why he wanted to merge with us anyway."
So it was Feburary!
That's close to the time we merged.
Somewhere around late Jan or early Feb, and the site was finally made the next week or so in Feb.
Lol.
Funny how in Feb that I met Jackal.
March, where I began to like him and wonder about him.
April, where I dedicated a poem to him and feelings grew more.
May, conflicts arose, but then everything got better and we became so much closer.
June, he doubted me liking him, thinking I just wanted to be nice and all, but no. My feelings for him are very real.
We talked on the phone for like.. 30 minutes yesterday. Best 30 minutes with Jackal ever.
Well no. xD I love every second I have with him. Even if we don't talk to each other in the chat and such. I love his presence.
I need my daily does of Jackal yo.
I feel like typing so much more about how much I like him but I can't.
xD
It'll be too long.
@_________@;;
This entry is already long enough, so I'll be typing out more tomorrow.
Tell me I'm the only chance constantly hanging from the sky.
Pursuing design both far and wide.
Pursuing design both far and wide.
Community Member
This entry made me smile.
The conversation was interesting. It was also long.
But, when you began to talk about Jackal, it was real sweet.
^.^