ok so yah the story is gone. It kinda died and sorry to any one who was actually following it. Anyway I feel like going on a random rant right now I'm not sure why I just need to rant for a bit. I don't care if you like it or not but i just need to get some stuff out.
OK............I'm always the quiet friend. Good at giving advice, the libra. Keeping things in balance and avoiding fights. Yup that's me at least when i'm around people it is. I stay the way even though I'm not actually like that all the time. There are moments i want to beat the **** outta people and I guess a suppress a lot of stuff. I don't talk about my feelings a lot because that's a part of me i gotta keep safe. Apparently when i was younger i was pretty confident but then i lost that, then i got it back once i got my black belt (that was about a year ago i'm second degree now). And as weird as it sounds the thing that annoys me the most is when my mom tells me how proud of me she is. I don't know why but there is just something in me saying. " why?" and "Mom please shut up and stop talking about it please". I'm a good person no doubt but I just feel i dunno different or something. I can fit in with a lot of different people and some people would say "that's a good thing it means your versatile." I think the opposite. I hate it. I wish i could just fit in with one group at least then things would be easier for. At least then I'd know where I belong. I guess that's what's wrong with me. I don't feel like I belong. It's really kinda sad actualy. but i'm not going there cause i don't want a bunch of pity comments trying to cheer me up. Don't worry I'm getting to the ranty part soon. Anyway i'm so....weird. It's sucks and it's makes me so mad and everything and i just hate it.
I've kinda figured out that's i've become a journal of sorts for my friends. They come and talk to me and just let it all out and I just listen, like a good friend. This is gonna sound weird but i also don't like people saying "I know what that feels like." or "I know what you're going through." I believe that they don't, they can't. They can't know exactly what I'm going through or feeling or anything. It's weird what I think is real but I'm weird. Anyway I think that you can't really know a person completely. I mean you can now everything about them and you can know what they are saying to you but you can't know exactly what they are feeling. because extreme sadness to me can feel different then extreme sadness to you. and i can't compare anything to it because i don't know exactly how something feels for you or you react to different emotions. That is so different to each person.
Anyway one last final thought. Like i said I don't want people saying "I know what it feels like" or anything of that nature be as i said I am a journal to my friends...........and this journal is finally full.
XxBroken_Hearted_982xX · Tue Dec 09, 2008 @ 07:24pm · 0 Comments |