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i'd do anything for you to just pick up the phone.
answer; let me hear your voice.
listening to your messages in my voicemail repetitively just isn't the same.
i want you next to me.

i don't know this game we're playing; i'm using my instincts because i can't learn the rules.
i know it isn't a game but it feel as if we're playing cat and mouse, or hide and seek.
i feel as if i'm losing because i have no idea what you're thinking, and i don't know if these tactics are working.

i hate having your number; i hate you having mine.
it makes it worse.
my phone is always in arm's length and there are still times when i miss your call.
i don't expect you to call and i'm never disappointed, but when you do ...
oh, my hopes soar! and crash, because the next time we aren't connected.

i'm trying to break the cycle.
weekdays - we talk; weekends - i wait.
innocent bliss from monday to friday; anxiety to indifference from saturday to sunday.

what's even the point? why do i even bother?
i ask and i answer.
i like him. i like him a lot.
and i don't feel guilty about it this time around.

does you even share this feeling? at all?
sometimes i doubt.
what if ... ? the nagging question in the back of my mind.
yes, what if ... ? maybe i don't even want to know.

i'm gone.