everything and everyone seems to be changing at an alarming speed. it just takes a few months, a few days, an hour, and everything changes. perhaps it’s not me, but everyone else. i’ve been the same person since i was 10 years old, except i had a lack of life “experience” back then and like school.
I feel a bit lonely. a bit insecure. a bit lost. a bit confused.
the only thing that calms me these days is putting on my headphones and blasting any sort of music.
i hate seeming like all those girls that are in desperate need of a boyfriend. i just want someone i cant tell everything too, and can take my random and awkwardness and still thinks im beautiful when im in sweatpants and just woke up and who can understand that i need a fan to sleep and supports me and gets along with my family and holds my hand under the table at dinner and doesnt rush into things and doesnt kiss me on the first date.
i think it’s easier for people to think of all the things they want in a lover, but really, it makes it way harder. the first GOOD boyfriend, and only one, i ever had, i broke up with, because i just “didnt feel it” or maybe because i wasnt used to happiness in a relationship, who knows. after him came the drug addict, the anarchist, the manslut, the “a switch just went off and now i dont like you” guy, and all the other assholes. is it possible for someone to attract assholes? i think i do, or guys just see that weakness in me where i dont want to be alone. who knows.
people say that they are fine with being alone, they can “watch the sunset alone” as kate nash says, but really, everyone wants that one person to fall asleep next to.
it’s 7:52, im listening to bon iver and i admit that im lonely.
erin in the butt Community Member 
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Community Member
It's just a matter of waiting.