I don't know why I thought of this, but I just realized that no one really knows me very well, and then I realized that it's mostly my fault. I tried to protect myself from my emotions by closing myself off to them and putting up a front for everyone else to see, but now everyone thinks that's all there is. It's my own fault, I know--but that doesn't mean that I will ever, ever open my emotions to anyone.
It's sad, I suppose, but I don't want to risk being hurt like I used to be. I remember on the mission trip we were supposed to write our testimonies out, and I did, but I couldn't present mine. I just couldn't. Every time I even thought about standing in front of fifty people, or even one, and sharing what I used to be like, what I used to go through, and why that all changed, I felt like I was going to be sick.
The farthest I will go is let everyone know that there is something past what you see. Don't think that I'll ever let anyone know what's beneath it, because I'm not ready for that and I never will be. I just don't want everyone thinking I'm as shallow as they think I am.
I was going to post this on my blog on the forums for my Anime Club, but I couldn't even do that. Too many of my less close friends read it there, and I can't let them see this yet. I suppose I want them to be blind to what I'm hiding. Who knows, some of them might read this here. If they do, then they will know, but I won't flaunt it around. And again, just because I can admit the wall is there doesn't mean I'm going to let it down anytime soon, or ever.
Aelina_Songmaker Community Member 
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Community Member