New York was fun, but for some reason I find it depressing and boring to dwell on the trip. Anyway, one of my friends is big time crushing on me. My mind's so clouded that I have absolutely no idea whether I like him or not. I normally keep a policy of giving everyone a chance, but I just feel so over dating. (To be honest, I would go out with her though, if given the chance...but she'd be the only exception.) He wrote me this really sweet letter that was well I guess ironically similar to what I've been dying to tell her. So I can't help but feel bad for telling him no the first time he asked. Of course that was a pressured answer...though....since he gave me the note I've been thinking about her like three times as much. I'm dying to talk to her. The last time felt so much like a dream. I wish I'd of knocked that feeling out of myself and taken the time to actually talk to her. Instead I was sitting there, nearly passed out, thinking I was dreaming, and listening to her "wow" (<--only way I can think to describe it right now) voice wind words together, forming sentences which dictated the path her life had taken since we had last spoken. Oh I had another one of my episodes! I hit my head on the tiled floor this time, nearly gave myself a concussion this time! I didn't mean to of course. Pressure, depression, and loneliness make a deadly combination. It was the back and my head hasn't been right since. Now I'm getting random pressure headaches throughout the day. My school work has certainly built up recently. Lots of papers and things to learn. I wonder how I could possibly keep up. I'm barely making it with these deadlines. If more stuff sprang up, I don't know what I'd do! . . . I've still got math homework to make up . . . I've really gotten back into reading. Me and mumsie found a 1924 copy of Little Women at the library, we bought it! Ska-ore! I think I'm going to start wearing my bell again. I miss it. My dearest if you read this, it'd be nice to get a hi from you, promise I wont reply. Even just a comment would be marvelous! (And how do you keep up with all of this work?????) My sissy's b-day was yesterday, it was enjoyable to say the least, her family is great!
Yuki Matsuraba · Thu May 01, 2008 @ 03:12am · 0 Comments |