It's almost a feeling of relief that I haven't posted in here in about a year. It means things haven't been all that shitty in life, or it could just mean I haven't had time or access to sit down and write an entry. Also, I could've just plain forgot.
It's almost amazing how much people can mature over such a short amount of time, or when people allow themselves the potential to just let loose and be completely honest with everyone and everything in life. Recently, I've taken to being honest in everything I do and say.
I've pretty much taken to becoming a therapist for all of my friends. I don't mind it, but I almost wish something would happen for me for once in my life. Mostly they talk about relationship stuff, and how things are going well, going bad, going this way and that way, or not going at all. Though, not with a lack of trying, right Rachel?
Last Wednesday, I admitted to the guy I have a serious crush on that I did indeed have a crush on him. A day over a week later, he sends me word on Facebook that he doesn't check his online stuff very much, and brought up the fact that I told him I like him. He continued to say that we should hang out, that most people find out they don't like him after hanging out.
Now, I had heard he had a girlfriend back in February, and I wasn't sure if they were still together or not, and if that was the case, I'd just forget about him since he'd be unavailable.
My only real concern about that statement that might actually lead me to NOT like him, is if he's gay. Which is possible that his girlfriend of whatever status (ex or current) is a cover, since some guys who don't want to admit they're gay do this.
Now, I've never been in a real relationship. I've had online boyfriends, but those just aren't the real thing.
I've had two other crushes that come close to just how much I really like this guy. One moved to New York for culinary school after avoiding me for about 6 months, and the other never defined what we were, and eventually got together with a girl, and I believe they're still going out.
I'm tired of being left in the dust while everyone gets to enjoy a boyfriend or girlfriend, or whatever the hell. I want my time to be happy. Sure, I can be positive and perky and whatnot, but being in a relationship is something everyone seems to enjoy with a certain elation, and I want to experience that.
I think it's about time I did, too.
Mysterious A Community Member 
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