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The adventures of (several) lifetimes #5 |
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"Cool, just like in my last life. Do we get new names as well?" s/he asked. "You were a girl before? This was supposed to be REVENGE!!!! That you were a girl before disgusts me. You violate the female image." She started to cry. "My revenge is ruined!! I want Pasante!!" She dissappeared, leaving behind two very bemused humans. "And she says that I violate the female image." the former Swibble commented
"Talking about image, I think we should get new names," said Farthe, who looked very sad that she didn't have any shoes on. "First, I think that we should get out of this sewer. It's totally gross," complained she-who-was-formerly-Swibble. "No!" stomped her friend, looking fiendish, "We get new names NOW!" "Alrighty then. You can be Lana." "I likey!" squealed Lana, "Now, a name for you -"
Lana paused, looking thoughtful for a moment. "Dania." The newly christened Dania protested. "Dania. Dania?!? That is such a lame name. I want another." Lana said smuggly, "Too bad. What you get is what you get. Now let's get out of this sewer."
Carefully, the girls clung to the walls, trying their best not to slip into the churning muck. "Oooow!" wailed Lana, waving one of her hands wildly, "I hit something!" Dania looked carefully at the offending bit of wall. "Lana! You found a ladder!"
But it's GROSS! I don't want to touch it!!" Lana folded her arms, ready to argue. Dania looked at her quizzically and said, "You already did." Lana started to do the eww- eww dance, shaking her hands out, and randomly spazzing out. She started to chatter, "OMG, it's lyke gross, siko-ness. : (" Dania sighed. It seemed that their roles had reversed since becoming human again. Now she had to figure out why Lana was, what was the official term for it? "txt tlk"-ing.
"What's the deal?" asked Dania, hoping for a simple answer. She didn't get one. "lyke i thnk i broke a nail :'(" sulked Lana, holding out her hand for inspection. There was a tiny chip on the polish of her left pinky. "No, why are you talking like a n00b?" Dania retorted. "i dont understnd j00," replied her friend.
She repeated her question in n00b speak : Y r u tlkin n lyl< 4 n00b? Lana said"! d0nt no. ! jus7 4m. C4n u f!nd m3 4 comput3r?" Dania sighed. Talking in regular English was hard enough, without having to translate back and forth.
So, Dania did the only thing she could think of doing. She slapped Lana as hard as she could, across the face. "What was that for?" asked Lana, looking as though she was about to kill. "YES! It WORKED!" cheered Dania.
"Why did you just slap me?", Lana's voice got dangerously quiet. "I saved you! I saved you!" Dania was too busy celebrating to notice. She started to do the washing mashine, pulling her arms in circular motions in front of her chest. "Oh yeah, oh yeah." Lana glared at her, almost ready to explode.
"Getting down with my bad self," sang Dania, "Can't touch this!" If Lana was angry before, she reached her boiling point when Dania started to moonwalk. "YOU SLAP ME AND MOONWALK POORLY? THAT'S IT!" screamed Lana, "I CHALLENGE YOU TO A SLAPFIGHT!"
Dania sobered up quickly. "We are wearing skimpy clothing, in a sewer, and you want us to slap each other senseless?" "You're right, let's go up the ladder, then proceed." Lana matched over to the ladder and started to climb up it.
When she reached the top, Lana pushed the top from the sewers, and climbed out, blinking, into the light.
"What's that big shiny thingy?" she asked Dania, who climbed out right behind her. "That would be the sun" Dania said, parentally. "Dearest, be careful there are strange people here." And indeed, they appeared to have popped up in the midst of a carnival.
"Oooh!" squealed Lana, anger forgotten, "Can I have a balloon? And some cotton candy? And a puppy?" Dania shuddered at the thought of Lana with pure sugar injected into her system. "A balloon, probably. Cotton candy and a puppy, NO. But first, I think we should both find some more clothes." Lana started to tug on Dania's arm. "Come on, let's go!" she said impatiently, "I wanna get prettyful." Dania resisted the urge to burrow her head in her hand. Why did she have to be the parent? It almost seemed like some sort of revenge...
Soon, the girls found themselves in front of a shopping mall, somehow having managed to find a credit card to use to get clothes. "I still don't understand how that happened," muttered Dania, looking at the card, "But I'm not complaining." "Ooh! Ooh!" squealed Lana, jumping up and down, "I want to go in the PINK store!" "That's Victoria's Secret," sighed Dania, "You don't want to go in there."
"But it's prettyful and pink. I wanna go!" Lana said, tugging impatiently. Dania was careful to let her voice remain calm. "Lana, that is an underwear store. They don't sell any real clothes. Come on." "I want the DOGGIE!!! I's so cute an' widdle an' I wanna hug him a'n wove him forever. Pwese?"
"What doggie?" Dania asked, not seeing a dog in the display window. "Over THERE!" Lana smiled, pointing at a squirrel that had managed to sneak into the mall. "That's not a doggie," groaned Dania, "It's a common squirrel, a target for rednecks everywhere."
And sure enough, a loud shot echoed through the mall. The squirrel tried to hide, but the bullet was too fast to dodge. The squirrel lay slumped on the ground, motionless. Lana started to cry, "My squirrel doggie is... is..."
"Um, it's just sleeping!" Dania said quickly, not wanting to deal with tears, "It sleeps to avoid danger!" Lana looked dubious, so Dania continued. "Yeah, it's sleeping! Probably dreaming happy squirrel dreams about acorns and trees and sunshine. So let's not disturb its dreams, m'kay?
thenerdqueen · Sun Sep 23, 2007 @ 08:15pm · 0 Comments |
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