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Well hello there, my friends. Some of you may already know that I speak to the moon. We're very good friends, and we talk quite frequently. He often passes on fascinating information about the world, the people in it, and several other things about modern day happenings and things of ancient history. I try to keep this random and valuable knowledge with me since one day I might need to know a thing or two.

While some of his statements are very controversial and most don't accept what he has to say, I tend to agree with him since he's been here a lot longer than the ******** on Earth that argue with him. Ain't that a b***h? whee

So, without further delay, I give you one of our more important conversations. I like to call this little piece: "This is the world, b***h, and the bunny is rabid"


Zac (that's me): It's good to see you this evening, Mr. Moon. How have you been recently?

Mr. Moon: Oh, you know. About the usual I guess. I still have a lot of arguments with that b***h Miss Sun. Would you believe that our rivalry all started over a pair of sunglasses?

Zac: I don't find much unusual anymore after talking to you for so long, my friend. But please, do tell me the story of how you became enemies before I ask you tonight's big question.

Mr. Moon: Well, I had just gained possession of a rather large and well-made pair of Oakley's. Understand that this takes place long before the creation of the Earth, I was still a pyramid, and aliens were producing Oakley's sunglasses and later bestowed their knowledge on a select group of humans who began making the same sunglasses for a profit on your planet.

Anyways, I was wearing my freakishly large and spectacular looking pair of Oakley's when Miss Sun floated over to me and made a comment about them.

"Those are very nice Oakley's, Mr. Moon. You look very sexy. Do you think I could try them on for a bit?"

"Well, I don't see any harm in it. Just try not to smudge them up or anything. They're very expensive. Also, turn down the heat a bit before you take them. They aren't indestructible, you know."

But did she turn down the heat? OF COURSE NOT! Can you guess what happened next?

Zac: Your Oakley's melted?

Mr. Moon: MY OAKLEY'S MELTED!

Afterward, she made a rather smug comment that I wasn't too fond of. It caused me to become even angrier, black out, and then say a few choice words that might not have been entirely appropriate at the time.

"Awww, that's too bad. The glasses melted. I was looking forward to wearing them for a bit longer. They look so much better on me than you."

"WHY DO YOU NEED SUNGLASSES ANYWAYS?! YOU'RE THE ******** SUN! YOU STUPID b***h! YOU ******** YELLOW ASSHAT! I'M GONNA RIP YOUR THROAT OUT THROUGH YOUR... *Censored*"

Anyway, you get the idea on how angry I was. Ever since that fateful day we have continued to be fervent enemies. I hate her with every fiber of my being.

Zac: Wow. I don't even have the words to reply to that. I hate the sun about as much as you now. The b***h needs to die. But moving right along, I have an important question to ask you tonight.

Mr. Moon: By all means, my friend.

Zac: Exactly how did Earth form? I've heard so many theories about it that it makes me want to just shoot myself. I thought you might be able to shed some light on the subject.

Mr. Moon: Well now, that's a very interesting story indeed. It all started long ago when I was still a large pyramid floating through space. I later imparted my knowledge on the Egyptians and helped them craft their own pyramids. And note that all spoken words were telepathic. Can't hear a damn thing way up here, haha.

One day, I spotted a very large stick of celery floating toward me. "What in the hell is a big stick of celery doing all the way out here?" I asked myself.

"I be tryin' to get away from the giant rabid rabbit of the 16th dimension. He was tryin' ta eat mah, and in a desperate attempt ta chomp me down, he tore a hole in time and space and I ended up here. He prolly tryin' ta sniff me out right now."

"Well, that's not good. Exactly how large is this rabbit of which you speak?"

"He big damnit! He damn big!"

Now it was about that time that I realized a large white blur was moving toward us.

"It must be the rabbit. There is no other explanation for a random white blur coming toward us."

"He gonna eat us both! You gotta help me, mane! HELP A BROTHA OUT! COME ON!"

"No, he's only after you," I laughed, not really wanting to risk my life that day. With little effort, the rabbit gulped down the stick of celery, a few cries of pain ringing through my head.

Zac: ...

Mr. Moon: I figured this would satisfy the rabbit, but I was very wrong. He was rabid after all. I screamed out in pain as he sank his large incisors into my body, the green blood of the celery stick stinging my fresh wound. The rabbit's eyes held a feral rage the likes of which I have never seen since.

With great skill, he chiseled away my body, slowly sapping me of my pyramid figure. He carved and tore through layers of rock until finally, after hours upon hours of agonizing pain, I became circular.

After that, he charged forward and ran through the galaxy. I haven't heard anything of him since.

Zac: What does this have to do with the Earth?

Mr. Moon: I'm getting there damnit! Like I said, he chipped away my body. Pieces of it drifted everywhere, some of them colliding with Miss Sun and incinerating, others crashing back into me and forming these large craters, but one special piece was to become the Earth.

This piece went through a large vent of minerals and organisms that gave the planet water, plant life, and every other aspect of Earth as you know it. It continued to evolve and evolve to accommodate larger forms of life, and eventually humans rose from the primordial ooze that coated Earth's surface.

Zac: Woah, did that really happen? That's absolutely amazing...

Mr. Moon: Well, I think it's true. I can't really tell anymore. I've been hit in the head with so many meteors since then that I'm not really sure what's fact and what's part of my seemingly overactive imagination. The head trauma is killing me. Bwahahahahaha!

Zac: ...

Mr. Moon: Sorry, my friend. You should hold onto that story anyways. It's a pretty good one. I'm gonna go b***h at the sun some more. I'll see you another night!


Needless to say, I was rather angry and confused after that conversation because the poor b*****d couldn't even tell me if it was true or not. But oh well, it does make for a good story to share with friends. Plus, I can't really get mad at him because I'm afraid he'll eat me or something. Ahahahahahaha!

Next time on PLEASANT CONVERSATION WITH MR. MOON! Mr. Moon discusses his feelings on things like abortion!

"I don't think that's cool. You shouldn't just kill the little fellahs. I mean, come on. It's funnier to watch them grow up and make complete asses out of themselves!"

Politics!

"George Bush? Oh yeah, I like him. I like him because he's so damn funny to watch! Have you heard some of the words he's used?! Misunderestimated?! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Music!

"I'm into polka... What's with the dramatic silence? Is there something wrong with polka? Does it make me weird? I like other stuff, too... Polka isn't the complete expanse of my musical knowledge. I listen to other forms of music... STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT!"

Aliens!

"******** 'em."

So stay tuned, kiddies, for the next volume of PLEASANT CONVERSATION WITH MR. MOON! Coming to a Requiem Mask's journal near you!

Also, catch a sneak peek of the next episode of FULL SPECTRUM TARSIER!

"Kermit, you ate him! YOU ATE FULL SPECTRUM! Why would you do that?! Have you gone mad?! Do you just EAT members of our group now?! ARE YOU INSANE?! Are you going to eat me next?! Who ELSE do you have on the list?! ARE YOU GOING TO EAT US ALL?! Are you even listening to me?!" Fred the Forky Fork asked as he began to prod Kermit's side with one of his points.

"Fred, shut up! This needs to happen! It's part of the plan of enlightenment! JUST CALM DOWN! ...AND STOP POKING ME DAMNIT!" Kermit replied as he looked toward Fred.

"The plan?! WHAT PLAN?! I don't know about ANY plan that has to do with EATING people! WHAT THE HELL, MAN?! Spit him up! We need him! You need to..."

Fred's voice was cut off abruptly as Kermit shot his tongue out and began strangling him with it.

"You guys need to stop it! Both of you calm down! Stop choking Fred, Kermit! I know he's annoying sometimes, but we have to stick together! NOW LET HIM GO!" shouted Lenny the Leopard as he rushed over to try and stop the madness.

"You stay out of this, cat boy. I don't need you to tell me what to do," Kermit replied coldly, now having somewhat of a speech impediment due to the fact that his tongue was currently in use.

"Cat boy?! WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?! Come here, you fat little b*****d!" he roared as he pounced on Kermit causing his tongue to retract, thus freeing Fred from the stranglehold.

So keep checking in because I've got lots of surprises for all of you. Oh yes, of that I can assure you. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

THE RANDOMNESS WILL LIVE ON!