Sometimes, I think I'm in the wrong major. Like today, or this whole semester rather. I just have no drive to do any of that engineering stuff that I'm supposed to be so passionate about for the next two or three years. I find myself daydreaming all the time and wishing I were doing something else. Which sucks because I end up not paying any attention and then get bad grades. I have this sort of secret dream sometimes about becoming a high school teacher or middle school or something. Then some part of my head speaks up and yells at me. It tells me that I'm just being lazy and should concentrate on my work instead. That I'd get annoyed with all the politics of teachering or stress out and fail mizerably because it involves so much public speaking. But I really liked tutoring kids in math back when I was in school and trying to earn some extra money. I was good at it too. But I'm scared to admit tha tI'm seriously douting my choice of majors because, well, I'm not a freshman anymore, so that'd be like called the last two years a waste of time and money. But if I get into the IE workforce and decide that I really wanted to teach then wouldn't that be wasting 4 years of IE education? Ugh, my head hurts. I should have talked to my parents more as the school year went along. Now I'm scared to tell the about the doubts, because I'll sound flighty or like it's a stupid whim or jus tme trying to take an easy way out and quit. Dad always hates it when I quit stuff... mom too... like when I quit piano recitals. But... I'm just so confused. Why can't someone look into the future for me and tell me what I'd be happy and successful at and enjoy later as well as now?! I just don't want to do something stupid and really screw up, you know? Maybe I'm just being stupid and overdramatic and angsty... but it all just feels so mismatched and I hate that...
Alchemists_Angel · Sat Apr 30, 2005 @ 10:43pm · 0 Comments |