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I'm in a really melancholy mood. I guess that's what I'd use to describe it. I don't know what the matter is. I've been really stressed lately and all, and mad at myself for letting myself screw up so bad in school. I realized that the past two years have been pretty rough on me and I'm still suffering a lot of pain, but mostly insecurity from it all. I guess most people reading this would think it was all what happened with David, but that isn't all of it. The school I went to last year completely crushed my spirits and self-confidence, and just a lot of stuff I guess. But I realized recently that now I don't really let myself hope for stuff which is really weird because I've always hoped for stuff and gotten what I want. But now...I don't know. Last year I guess it started. I started assuming the worst in people so as not to get disappointed, which has NEVER been me, I mean, what's with that?? But it's true and it makes me nervous. I used to feel like life was a birthday present just for me and that I'd get whatever I want but now I don't , or don't let myself, or something messed-up and emo like that and I don't like it! I miss feeling special and like I get whatever I want! I miss being conceited! I miss being spoiled! I guess what I really want to do right now is just sit down with someone and just talk about the past two years in full detail and remember every single little thing that's still bothering me, but whenever I'm in the mood for it I can't because no one's there to listen. I want to talk to David, but he's always busy and that's really hard on me. He says he's going to help me, but I know that he won't, and that's just messed up. I AM NOT A CYNICAL PERSON!! But still. He always has to help someone with something or get something done, and I know it's not that he doesn't want to help me or anything, it's just that he can't and I really wish that he could, so I end up getting mad and then when he tries to help me completely rejecting whatever he has to offer. I don't like to feel second best, I like to feel like I'm THE best.