The Murder
Another great way to scare the human waste out of a telemarketer is to fake a crime in the background. Now you need a partner (or two) for this one. If you're a great phone actor (or actress) be prepared to have your door broken down (if the telemarketer thinks to call the police hahaha). Essentially, you want to make it sound like someone is being offed in the background. Anyways the phone conversation should go something like this:
EXAMPLETelemarketer: hello person whom I don't know... wanna buy a load of crap? if you buy now you'll get 2x the amount of crap for the jacked up price of one piece of crap! what a great deal.....
You: well.... sorry(mam or sir)..... I'm sort of busy right now
Your friend (at the same time): HELP ME!!! GET ME OUT OF HERE!!!! I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!!!!! [yell at the top of your lungs and sound like you're in pain].
you (in response to your friend): [pick something along the lines of the following]
1-shuddup!
2-there are some things worse than death.... you'll be begging for it when i'm through with you
3 (personal fav) it rubs the lotion on its skin or else it gets the hose again (yay for silence of the lambs)
4-hit a baseball bat against the couch or something. At this point have your friend squeal in pain
At this point there are two routes this can take
Route 1: if the telemarketer continues the conversation as normal & ignores the crazy squeals of you're hyperactive friend get him/her involved.
You: Say mr. telemarketer, how do you think I should finish them off? I myself am partial to the chainsaw but that left a bloody mess....
telemarketer: @!$%!@%#$%#^$%@^$%^
Route 2: If the telemarketer asks about what is going on say nothing. If he asks if you're playing a game or rehearsing for a play say something along the lines of "isn't all of life a game? .... only the best survive" finish the conversation off with a nice "I'll be seeing you mr. telemarketer" & a semi-demonic laugh then hang up the phone.
