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Flames of Desire (working title) [REVIVED Sept. 24 2008] Goto Page: 1 2 [>] [»|]

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Well..?
Good. I'd like to see more.
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Very predictable.
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Well, writing's not for everyone. You gave it a try.
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Don't quit your day job, honey.
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Total Votes : 5


Isianya

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PostPosted: Wed Jul 18, 2007 6:00 pm


Author's Note
I wrote this as an assignment for Creative Writing. Our task was to steal borrow the plot of our favorite myth and write a story using that plot. I chose Zeus and Ganymede. If you aren't familiar with that story, here's a helpful link: Zeus and Ganymede


UPDATES on PAGE 2!


I couldn’t get the image from my mind. Many nights, I’d wake to find myself in a cold sweat, the sound of my own screams still ringing in my ears. What creature – what monster could be capable of such things? The horror of it all seemed too complex; like from a story I had heard from my childhood. Yet, this was no dream.

Even in the humming silence of church, where I thought I was safe from such evil thoughts, I heard his cries for help. Even when I shut my eyes, I saw his mangled and bloodied body thrown aside like a rag doll. And I, I who shared such a deep relationship with him, stood there. Frozen in fear, some would say. Fear was an understatement compared to the way I felt that night. I was petrified. A thousand times I told my feet to move – my voice to scream. And a thousand times, the actions of my body rejected the thoughts of my mind. I watched them kill him. And I did nothing to stop it.

I relive the night often in my mind. Wondering what I could’ve done to change it…

____________________________


The date was early April.

I remember because spring was just beginning. How I loved spring. The flowers were blooming, dotting the countryside with vibrant colors. Even in the shade, one could still be kissed by the sun’s bright rays. And, oh, there was such music! The soft patter of the animals’ feet against the forest floors; the gurgle of the streams passing over the rocks; the birds calling to one another and answering back: nature’s own symphony.

I relaxed in my usual spot under the oak tree that grew just outside the town. I liked this spot for its solitude. No one bothered to disturb me here. From here, I could observe my world as it passed me by. I was invisible here, cloaked under the shade of the tree. I soon lost myself in my own imagination.

It was the night that woke me. There was a subtle change in the atmosphere and I sensed it. I don’t exactly know how I did it, though. I’ve always had a strange fascination with nature. While others simply saw it, I felt it.

I knew I had to go home.

There was a strange energy surrounding the town. As I neared my house, I realized the tension emitted from there. It was as if could hear the thoughts of those inside. Of course, I knew I couldn’t. But the emotion was so strong it seemed to pour from the walls. I wondered what lied in store for me on the other side of the door. For a moment, I contemplated turning back.

Hand shaking, I pushed the door open.

Silence.

There was a small table near the entrance. My father sat at the table with a man I had never seen before. He was not from the town, I could tell. It was his face that caught my attention. His features were uncommonly boyish for someone his age. At the time, I imagined he was closer to my father’s age than mine by the way he carried himself and the way he spoke.

I was staring; I knew I had to be. Our eyes met for a brief moment. Time may as well have stopped there. I know my heart did. The right side of his mouth curved upwards then quickly retracted. Had he smiled at me? No, no, surely not. I could feel my heart beating now, faster and faster. It was the only sound I could hear in the room.

“Sit,” my father said, his voice breaking my trance.

“What is the meaning of this?” I took the seat next to my father, adjacent to the mysterious – beautiful – man.

“This is Lord Cornelius,” he answered casually.

Lord. What a perfect title for such a perfect man I thought. “Lord Cornelius,” I repeated, attempting to keep my voice steadied. I didn’t want my father to hear the admiration in my voice, nor Lord Cornelius. “May I ask what brings you here?”

He smiled. This time I was sure of it. When he smiled, there was a radiance in his face like that of an innocent child. “A very well-spoken boy you have here, sir,” he said to my father before addressing me. “As a matter of fact, young Gabriel, it is you that brings me here.”

I swallowed hard.

“You see, I am in need of someone to accompany me on my journey. The last person – well, let’s just say they fell short of my expectations.”

I quickly realized there was a secret woven into his words and began to wonder what he was hiding.

“How do I meet such expectations?”

“You have, Gabriel. Believe me, you have.”

There it was again. The same hidden agenda was in his words as before. I could feel the moisture building on the surface of my palms. I wanted to trust this man – this Lord Cornelius. I wanted more than anything to feel at ease with the idea of leaving my home to follow him on his journey. But it was not that simple. The initial infatuation for this man I held while at the door had quickly faded once I was made aware of his intentions. He was a sight to behold, I’ll admit that, but there was so much more to him.

“Father, you would allow this?” I said, my voice pleading for an escape from this man.

“Yes.”

I felt my breaths shorten, my heart pounding against my chest once again.

“I have arranged everything for our departure, Gabriel.” Lord Cornelius said gently.

The audacity of this man!

“What of my father? I can’t leave him.” I began searching for an excuse – any excuse to remain there. “I’m the only one he has. We have no other family. My mother died giving birth to me and my older brother –,”

He raised his hand silently. “As I have told you,” he said slowly, “I have arranged everything for our departure. I’ve taken what you’ve said into consideration. Your father has been given a generous amount to support himself during your absence.”

A generous amount to support himself during my absence? Is that all I was reduced to? My father sold me to this man with no regard to my feelings on the matter. There was no way he imagined I would be happy with this. How could anyone be happy with the fact they had been treated like mere property? I was a prize.

I sat there silent, brooding in my own anger.

_____________________________


That night, I stormed into my room without bidding a farewell to Lord Cornelius or a goodnight to my father. Their behavior sickened me. I threw myself onto my bed and let out a muffled scream into my pillow. There was so much I was feeling at that moment; anger, frustration, rage, confusion and even sadness.

There was only one thing that made me feel better when my emotions ran wild like this. I knelt beside my bed and looked towards the sky. "Dear Mother," I began as I always did. "I know that you can hear me and that you are listening. If I ever needed your help, I need it now. You won't believe what father has done. He--," I sighed, realizing this was far beyond my dead mother's control.

From what I have been told, my mother was a beautiful woman. Kind and loving, she was. That is, until the day she died; the day she gave birth to me. My brother was nearly six at the time but he remembers her well. He used to tell me stories of our mother before I went to sleep each night. Our father never mentioned our mother and when I asked why, my brother explained to me that the pain was too much for him to bear.

I climbed back into bed, defeat filling my being. If there was a God, it was all up to Him (or Her--I wasn't very particular at the moment) now. A few tears trickled down my face and I soon found myself sobbing. I wiped them away as quickly as they came but it was futile. The tears kept coming like a fountain flowng from my face.

There was a rapid tapping against my window. Stunned, I rose to my feet and slowly made my way to the source of the knocking. Through the glass, I could just make out a short figure with wild hair standing outside my bedroom. I smiled, relieved, as I opened the window. “What are you doing here?” I said softly, afraid my father may hear me.

A wide smile spread across the boy’s face. “Gabe! Do you remember those plants you discovered growing just outside Miss Thatcher’s door?”

Kaine and I had been friends for as long as I could remember. We balanced each other perfectly. I always being the voice of reason and he enjoying life as he pleased. My father never approved of our friendship. He told me Kaine came from “bad blood;” said my best friend was a dishonor to his family and, in time, he would prove to be a bad influence on me. But the more my father spoke against it, the more I felt obligated to stay his friend. Kaine needed me.

I nodded. “Yes, the ones with the strange red leaves. I told you they may--,”

“I know. I know,” he said quickly. “I came to tell you my mother is cured now.”

“How can that be? The doctors said they had never seen a sickness such as hers. They said she would never…,” I stopped, realizing what I saying. “I’m thrilled. Truly, I am. But what does that have to do with Miss Thatcher’s garden?”

He let out a laugh that echoed into the silent night. I immediately shushed him and he regained composure before continuing. “Gabe, you told me they would heal her. About a week ago, I brought her some tea and put the leaves in the cup. It’s because of you she’s alive. I came to thank you.”

I looked him for a moment, in disbelief of what he had just said. “Kaine,” I said slowly, staring him in the eye, “I only told you that the leaves resembled those with healing abilities. I wasn’t sure. I told you I would--,”

“Ask around and tell me later, I know.” He sounded annoyed, now. “But I couldn’t wait that long. I didn’t want to lose my mother, Gabe. Besides, when have you ever been wrong?”

I sighed. He was right. From the moment I saw those leaves, I had an unexplainable sense they were powerful. And I knew Miss Thatcher’s daughter had been dealing with a sickness similar to that of Kaine’s mother. But I never suggested he take the leaves and feed them to his mother. “I’m happy for you, my friend. But shouldn’t you be home with your mother now? She needs you.”

He shook his head. “No, she’s asleep for the night. I came so we could celebrate. Come on! The night is ours.” He backed away from my window in order for me to crawl out and meet him outside.

How I wanted to share in his happiness. But I had the journey with Lord Cornelius the very next morning. I was torn. “I’m sorry but I can’t. Tomorrow I have to--,”

“Please, Gabe. I want to share this night with my best friend. Who better?”

A few hours wouldn’t hurt.

The silent night enveloped the sleeping town. Kaine and I walked side by side down a narrow path that lead to the center of the town. He would pass the time by idly kicking at the loose stones in the dirt. My head was swimming. As the glow of the dimly-lit town brightened, I couldn’t help but to wonder if this night was more than just a dream. It seemed too fantastical, too unimaginable, to be real. And yet, the pain in my stomach told me otherwise.

It seemed an eternity passed before I could hear the shouts of men from the inns, the clink of glass at the taverns and the faintest sound of music amidst the commotion. In a blur of color and light, the street came alive before my eyes. I had lost myself in thought while walking along the path. The smell of ale and horses quickly revived me. The many buildings that lined the broad street seemed to stretch on into the horizon. Two or three men would stumble out of each teeming business, shouting and cursing before finally taking to their horses or disappearing into the quiet alleyways that ran alongside the street.

I shouldn’t be here, I thought. I didn’t want to be here with these drunken idiots and their wanton women. This was no place for two young boys at such an hour. The knot in my stomach grew tighter and was accompanied by a loud pounding in my ears.

At any moment, the strength in my legs would leave me. I was growing weaker by the moment. A cool film of sweat gathered on my forehead and palms. Kaine would listen to reason. He had to. My body couldn’t take much more. “Perhaps we should go home. We can celebrate some other way, some other time. This is far too--,”

“Perfect!”

My eyes widened. “What? How can you say that?” He seemed to be under the enchantment of the town. While I saw only danger and dismay, he saw enchantment and excitement. But this was Kaine.

“Why, just look around!” He said, raising his arms into the open air. “Your father would never allow you an opportunity such as this. I know you try to spare my feelings – and I do appreciate it—but, to be honest, I know your father isn’t very fond of me.”

“That’s not true. He means well. He just…he doesn’t know you like I do.” I put a hand on his shoulder; partly to offer him some reassurance and also because I couldn’t continue holding myself up on my own. This was not the time to express my discomfort. This was the time to be there for my best friend.

“It’s one night. Please don’t try to convince me otherwise.”

I sighed deeply. “If it’s what you wish, lead the way.” Suddenly, a newfound energy swept over me. My only concern was to please my friend. There was something different about him tonight. I couldn’t tell at my window because I was far too concerned with being caught by my father. But now, in the lights of the town, I could see his face clearly, hear his words. He wanted this. And I wanted to see him happy.

His arms came around me quickly and stole a tight embrace. “Thank you. And, Gabe, have fun tonight. Have fun because you want.”

I must admit, there were times when Kaine utterly bewildered me. Then, there were times when I was proud to call him my friend. Tonight, I decided before we took another step forward, I would be proud of my best friend. Tonight, we would eat, drink and be merry. Tonight, I would forget my father and his wishes. Most importantly, I would put Lord Cornelius far from my mind tonight.

[Continued on page 2]

_____________________________
PostPosted: Wed Jul 18, 2007 6:02 pm


As I said before in my introduction in the "Newbies" thread, I'm a very sporadic writer so this story (as of now) has many breaks in time. Also, when I originally wrote this, I was trying to stay within the limits of the assignment.

I'd appreciate anything anyone would like to offer. I consider myself a writer, but a young writer.

Isianya

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Reese_Roper

PostPosted: Wed Jul 18, 2007 6:03 pm


Well. I must tell you. I have only read your first two paragraphs and I am hooked. I can tell right now you are a very good writer.
PostPosted: Wed Jul 18, 2007 6:05 pm


eek Wow. That was...quick.

Thank you so much!

Isianya

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Reese_Roper

PostPosted: Wed Jul 18, 2007 6:27 pm


Quote:
"I remember because spring was just beginning. How I loved spring. The flowers were blooming, dotting the countryside with vibrant colors. Even in the shade, one could still be kissed by the sun’s bright rays. And, oh, there was such music! The soft patter of the animals’ feet against the forest floors; the gurgle of the streams passing over the rocks; the birds calling to one another and answering back: nature’s own symphony."


I love this paragraph. A nature girl myself (though I prefer the quiet of winter), I can feel like I'm there as much as I could if I walked outside five hours ago.


I also love your last paragraph. Keep up the good work. I hope you'll post more.
PostPosted: Wed Jul 18, 2007 6:35 pm


Yes, I love nature. Winter's all too still for me, though. I actually spent about an hour each day for about a week outside; just listening to everything in nature. That's what I heard. Minus the streams. I made the springs up. I live in Southwestern Louisiana. There are no springs.

Thank you so much! I think I may actually go back and write more of the early story before I continue it. A lot of it is rushed because I needed to complete the assignment.

Isianya

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Reese_Roper

PostPosted: Wed Jul 18, 2007 6:41 pm


Wise choice. I'm thinking of doing that with two stories I wrote for Writing class.
PostPosted: Wed Jul 18, 2007 6:44 pm


Awesome. Isn't it funny how an assignment can turn into so much more? I must admit, when I first started this, all I could think was 'Hurry up and let's get it over with.' So glad that changed!

Isianya

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Reese_Roper

PostPosted: Wed Jul 18, 2007 6:48 pm


We have a saying here. "Always take each assignment as though it is the test on which your life is based."
PostPosted: Fri Jul 20, 2007 5:21 pm


This is great! You're a really awesome writer, you know. I love the way you so cl;early express your thoughts--how and why Gabriel loves fire, and nature, and how he feels in so little words. Wonderful, wonderful. you're an inspiration.

Read mine, please? I need help. ^^

Don't worry, it's not...too long... sweatdrop Is it, Reese?

KirbyVictorious


Isianya

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PostPosted: Fri Jul 20, 2007 7:09 pm


Thank you so much!

It's such a pleasure writing this. Gabriel has such a powerful voice and it's really easy for me to choose his words because I feel as though I'm just a stenographer as he tells me this.

Of course! No worries about length; I love to read.

heart
PostPosted: Sat Jul 21, 2007 5:51 am


Honestly, I only read the part in Reese's quotation. sweatdrop Only because I am on a time restriction. Though, once I do get back, I will look into reading this. When an author can rapture someone with only a few choice words, you can always expect better with the whole.

Sensually, you seem at one with what you observe. A well, can I say.. researched area of expertise, when you can take something you personally know and live around, and transform it to words.

Yes, I can get alot from one paragraph. Words tell me alot about people, and being such a sporadic writer, I shall know you after I finish reading this.. after I penetrate the thoughts in-between the lines. Finding what exactly the author, you of course, were intending.

Tak-Jak
Vice Captain


Isianya

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PostPosted: Sat Jul 21, 2007 10:09 am


Hmm...I don't believe I've ever had my writing "penetrated" before. LOL.
PostPosted: Mon Jul 30, 2007 7:10 pm


Okay, it's not much, but I added to the story. It's in bold. It's not very long, but it reveals a lot about the character's developement.

Isianya

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KirbyVictorious

PostPosted: Mon Jul 30, 2007 7:13 pm


MUST YOU WRITE IN CYAN!?!?!


...sorry. I'll go read it now. sweatdrop

EDIT: Tis nice. ^^ You phrase things extremely well. I can never do that...
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