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March 20th 's Poem -- CE

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kinyume

PostPosted: Wed Mar 21, 2007 2:50 pm



Thief
Sneaking very quietly
in a place I should not be,
treading very carefully
as to not bother thee.

Even though you're not sleeping,
I don't try to break the peace.
Knowing your eyes are watching
the stress only doth increase.

And so carefully I tread
with my slippers on the floor,
When you bolt straight up in bed,
You will find me there no more.


Comments and criticism welcome with open hearts and arms.
PostPosted: Thu Mar 22, 2007 12:57 am


xD I like it. It's a cute poem, although I don't know if that's what you're aiming for. Also.. how come the language switches in the middle from medieval to modern?

Atekius


yunarikkupainegirl

PostPosted: Tue Mar 27, 2007 12:38 pm


It was good. I think it could have possible used more to try and get a point across.
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