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| Combination Ideas( Which one do you like?) |
| Ringtail and Black Rose Combo |
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66% |
[ 4 ] |
| Tiger Shark and Ivy Combo |
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16% |
[ 1 ] |
| Both |
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16% |
[ 1 ] |
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| Total Votes : 6 |
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 Posted: Thu Jan 18, 2007 3:18 pm
Username:Narudai
Mule SN's: I'am going to use this account
IoDM Newbie(Y/N):Yes
Serum: 54:: Ringtail, 58:: Black Rose, 75:: Combo
Table of contents
I.Introduction
II.Character Information
III. Quest Funds
IV. Comments
V. Animal Picture
VI. Plant Picture
VII. Second and Third Choices
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Posted: Thu Jan 18, 2007 4:01 pm
Name: James Qwen
Prefered Name: Naru
Age:14
Height:5'6
Eyes: Dark Brown
Hair: Dyed Red, his hair is thick unruly and he never styles it.
Weight:130 lbs
Ethnicity: Half Native American, Half Caucasian
Status:Run away
Place of Birth: Bryson City, North Carolina
Residence: New York City
Family: Orphaned at age 5 he never got to really know his parents or the rest of his family.
Theme Song:"Pain" by Three Days Grace
Lyrics
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
You're sick of feeling numb
You're not the only one
I'll take you by the hand
And I'll show you a world that you can understand
This life is filled with hurt
When happiness doesn't work
Trust me and take my hand
When the lights go out you will understand
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Anger and agony
Are better than misery
Trust me I've got a plan
When the lights go off you will understand
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing
Rather feel pain
I know (I know I know I know I know)
That you're wounded
You know (You know you know you know you know)
That I'm here to save you
You know (You know you know you know you know)
I'm always here for you
I know (I know I know I know I know)
That you'll thank me later
Pain, without love
Pain, can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Rather feel pain than nothing at all
Rather feel pain
Fears:Heights
Belongings:
-a large backpack with food, a few colthes and bandage wraps inside
Appearance:
James' stands in at about 5'6 and weighs 130lbs. He looks somewhat muscular with dyed red hair. His blood shot dark brown eyes suggest he has insomnia. His colthes consist of a black t-shirt a pair of torn jeans and a pair of size 13 vans, all of which are very worn. He wears bandage wraps on his hands to protect them.
His hair is unruly, dirty, and his bangs cover his eyes. His face is dirty as well. He has very light brown skin. While he has been on the streets he got a couple of piercings, one in his right eyebrow and one on the left side of his mouth.
All together he looks like he has been on the streets for a while.
Personality:
He is a sweet person that is not afraid to stand up for what he wants. He isn't that trusting of other people because of the way he was treated at the orphanage he lived in. Before he begins to trust someone he will watch them carefully and decide if they are trust worthy. He doesn't have friends that look out for him because he began to distance himself from the other kids at the orphanage.
Background:
He in a small mountain town till he was three and then moved to New York City. When he turned five his parents died in a car accident and he has been in and out of the orphanage since then. While he was in and out of the orphanage he was mistreated and began not to trust people. He decided on his nick name because he liked Naruto so he took Naru from that name. He had been thinking about running away for quite some time and final went through with it a year ago and since then has lived on the streets, until now that is.
How he got to the island: He was wandering the streets one day and noticed he was being followed by a van it continued for a few days until he decided to see what the people wanted. They invited him to the island to be part of medical study. They told him he would be given free lodging and food so he agreed.
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Posted: Thu Jan 18, 2007 4:03 pm
Funds
Items:2786g
Gold: 3365g
+
=6151g
Donations welcome
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Posted: Thu Jan 18, 2007 4:05 pm
Critiques:
If you have suggestions on how to make this better post them.
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Posted: Thu Jan 18, 2007 5:27 pm
Here is a picture of the animal:
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Posted: Thu Jan 18, 2007 7:10 pm
Here is the plant picture:
More thorns though.
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Posted: Thu Jan 18, 2007 8:15 pm
If my first choice is not avaliable here are my second choices:
Red Kite and Liana Vine combo w/pic of each
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Posted: Fri Jan 19, 2007 9:56 am
Will some one please critique me.
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Posted: Fri Jan 19, 2007 10:09 am
Hey Narudai, First off, welcome to IoDM! I can't really critique you now (I have to leave for class soon) but if you really want a critique sooner rather than later, I would hang around the main thread and talk to the current questers and islanders. I'm sure if you ask kindly, they will love to take a look at your quest. I would, however, advise you to take a look at the current islanders. Right now, your backup serum is almost identical to the serum of one of the islanders, Alec Derring (who is a Tiger Shark and Water Vine). Good luck, and I'll do a thorough critique later tonight! -ginchael
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Posted: Fri Jan 19, 2007 10:27 am
Thanks for the suggestion, I upated my second choices with a Great White shark and a third choice. I don't know if changing the shark makes much of a difference though.
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Posted: Fri Jan 19, 2007 5:03 pm
Okay, critiquing time...
First off, there's an issue with the age: Even if he is indeed an orphan, it'd be rather difficult for him to just up and vanish. This isn't the 1890s where Orphanages were just half-way homes; they keep decent track of their kids now a days.
His personality is also rather...Weak. Okay, its terribly weak. Why EXACTLY doesn't he trust people?
Also, dark brown eyes =/= insomniac. Also, why would he wear bandages on his hands? Does he fight a lot? That'd make sense, but you say in his personality that he's a "sweet person". Sweet people don't usually get into fights.
The way he gets to the island is...Well...Its just silly. Feral Labs is much more clever than that. Why would they pick him out any way? Also, there is no way that they'd track down a 14 year old and offer to do medical experiments on him.
Also, you might want to take down the "Theme Song" bit.
But keep at it <3
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Posted: Fri Jan 19, 2007 5:06 pm
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Posted: Sun Jan 21, 2007 10:11 am
Alrighty.
First off I agree with what DecayingThorn has suggested, and all those areas need to be improved. and I do have a problem with the secondary shark/plant serum. switching the species from tiger to great white doesn't fix the fact there is already a shark/plant combo on the island. Dr.Moreau wouldn't have a nearly identical serum made to use on another test subject, the serums are very expensive and much easier to use serums on lab rats.
I'd take the theme song out, if you really want to keep it, then remove the lyrics and put in song title/artist instead.
The whole Orphan deal is a bit overrated with the parents dying in a carwreak, if anything your character probably would get put in with a foster home/ foster parents, not an orphanage.
And the whole thing with the nick name 'Naru' It seems alot more juvenile than a 15 year old to pick a nickname of an animated character just because he likes the show Naruto.
The reason you've choosen he gets to the island doesn't make sense at all. with all that happens in real life with kids being aducted, I highly doubt that if a Van rolled up and 'invited' the kid for being part of a medical study that the kid will be like 'oh ok' and go along
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