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Verona: Dreams of Rome and Juliet Introduction

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Marsh_Captain

PostPosted: Mon Oct 16, 2006 2:04 pm


Please can anyone give me advice and if you like it. I would prefer Honest answers. Thank you! biggrin

Verona: Dreams of Rome and Juliet

Mercutio challenges Tybalt and he is falls. Romeo sees his friend shouting and then he shouts: ‘A plague; on both your houses’. Mercutio falls and then Romeo goes after Tybalt. Romeo is no match but a ten second gap opens and Romeo kills Tybalt…

Myles wakes to the sound of air and he looks up at the ceiling and he sees a picture of angels. The light is weak. It is nighttime and the temperature has fallen to fifth teen degrees. Myles gets out of bed and changes to some of his poorer clothes and heads out the marble door. He races down the grand marble stairs and is met by his servant Plutus.
‘Your father is asleep. I would be wise not to go out at this time Myles’ he shows signs of wisdom.
Myles looks at his feet and then he looks up. Myles is fifth teen years of age but very clever. ‘I had a dream-
‘Is this dream that is from your books?’ he interrupts and looks at Myles.
‘I had a dream about Romeo fighting Tybalt and I thought…I thought I would go into town and see if I can find the girl I saw yesterday night’ Myles is desperate to go.
A sound of a door opening: ‘I’ll lie to your father! Go and don’t come back till the sun has broken the night sky!’ Plutus leads him to the door and Myles has to hide on the other side listening.
‘Is something wrong sir?’ Plutus says acting like he just came down to check something.
‘I thought I heard you having a conversation with someone. Is-
‘No! No! Please come back upstairs. I was just having a conversation to my self. I had a weird dream sir!’
‘Morning is soon upon us. We have two hours and I cannot sleep. Let us go and linger on the balcony and engage in a conversation about my son’ Plutus’s master and him walk back upstairs and the sound dies.
Myles takes a breath of night air and he runs on ignoring the cold and running down the path and past the gate looking forward at the town.

‘It was here they fought. Fighting only brings grief! Why is it that we fight? War is our main problem. I have seen war and people die. My own brother and my sister died at the hands of a man destined to kill them. What for you ask? They were close and loved each other so much. Without them I would have been in heaven right now. Looking down on them…’ the girl stops at the sound of footsteps.
Myles takes a glimpse round a corner and spots the girl. She is Myles’s age and she is sitting on the steps to huge statue of the Virgin Mary. She stands and sees him and decides to leave with haste. Myles runs after her and then runs up the road and then follows her left and she has disappeared. This is where Romeo kills Tybalt in the modern day version of Romeo and Juliet.
Myles’s head aches and he falls to the ground and is asleep. He dreams of Tybalt being shot and then he wakes to the eyes of the girl. She has kneeled over to check if he is okay. Myles sits up and she runs away. Myles stands and runs after her ignoring his burning head. He sees her run round the corner and then she runs up a road by a petrol station.
Myles stops and thinks. This is where a fight at the start of a movie happens. In the modern day version of Romeo plus Juliet the fight is here. Myles feels his stomach give a jump and turns right to see the girl. She smiles and runs on Myles give chase and passes the Church in the modern day version of Romeo and Juliet. He walks in and sees her standing by the front holding a book. She doesn’t move or stop smiling. Myles walk up to her.
‘Want to look?’ She asks holding out the heavy book. It looks very old.
Myles takes the book and traces the name of the book. It says in gold letters Romeo and Juliet. The girl leads him to the back where the Priest lives. In the modern day version of Romeo and Juliet this is where Romeo is told by the Fryer to leave with haste and never return. The girl leads him to the room where it is empty and then Myles sees all of Shakespeare’s books lined on the bed. The books are like the one he is holding. He puts it on the bed in the space given.
‘Wow…so these are the originals of the William Shakespeare plays?’
‘Yeah they are! It’s a good thing you came tonight! I really wanted to talk to you’ the girl says.
‘I was feeling weird back there when you ran away. Why did you bring me to those places?’
‘To show you that Shakespeare talks of places that is true! You’re the only person I’ve seen with a passion for Shakespeare and things that are said in books about him’ the girl smiles. ‘My name is Sarita. Oh no! The sun I need to go!’
‘Wait!’ Sarita stops in the doorway. ‘I’ll come tomorrow’ Sarita smiles and runs on. Myles watches and feels a sense of familiarity towards the girl. Could she be his childhood friend? Myles and her use to play together and when they turned ten they read Shakespeare together. She left two months afterwards. Myles smiles and walks out the Church. He feels like he’s found a part of him self…
PostPosted: Mon Oct 16, 2006 2:17 pm


I made this back in High School (England's education system is sixteen and you've finished high school).
I might give up on this if it's bad. Especially if no one answers this because everyone looks at the title and thinks "OH! Boy!" neutral

Marsh_Captain


Marsh_Captain

PostPosted: Tue Oct 17, 2006 6:44 am


(Sigh), what a waste for me to write this...
PostPosted: Tue Oct 17, 2006 6:58 am


Hey, NOTHING is a waste of time to write. Practice and entertainment, you know.

...I do't have time to read it, I'm in class right now (XD) but I certainly will next time a computer falls under my agile, typist-pianist-videogamer fingers!

*ahem*

later!

KirbyVictorious


Marsh_Captain

PostPosted: Tue Oct 17, 2006 7:09 am


KirbyVictorious
Hey, NOTHING is a waste of time to write. Practice and entertainment, you know.

...I do't have time to read it, I'm in class right now (XD) but I certainly will next time a computer falls under my agile, typist-pianist-videogamer fingers!

*ahem*

later!

thanks biggrin
PostPosted: Tue Oct 17, 2006 2:39 pm


hey, no problem, Reshy.

Kay, I read it. I liked the dialogue, but the rest of it seemed like it was in outline form. It needs a rewrite and some major jazzing up, you know? And um, what is it? I'm confused.

Other than that, though--*stops as ADD kicks in* Huh?

KirbyVictorious


The Duchess Grey

Astounding Explorer

PostPosted: Tue Oct 17, 2006 4:26 pm


Hmm...

The plot line is good, and definitely had something going for it, but the story itself needs some polishing and expanding. You have a good idea, you just haven't taken it far enough.

But seriously, don't get discouraged and give up, there's diffinitely something here.

Yep good job, I hope to read more of this!
PostPosted: Tue Oct 17, 2006 5:16 pm


alright thanks biggrin

Marsh_Captain


KirbyVictorious

PostPosted: Tue Oct 17, 2006 8:11 pm


I CONCUR!

Exactly what I was going to say, but my ADD wouldn't let me *grumbles at self-diagnosed ADD*

Keep it up, Resh!
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