Welcome to Gaia! ::

Okay here's the story. My boyfriend loves to cyber. I don't really 'cause of past incidents; but I will and do for him. At first he didn't do it with other people 'cause it bothered me so much that he'd do it with other girls instead of me; picturing them and not me. But I knew he was addicted to it so I told him he could cyber with other's if he wanted to; it still bothers me a lot, but I don't want to hold him back either. Anyways, it just really hurts that he wants to cyber/cuddle with other people online, but I don't want to tell him what he can and can't do; it's his choice. He knows it bothers me and has tried to stop numerous times just for me but he always ends up going back to it. He feels really guilty about it too but he can't stop. Any tips/advice? It would be really helpful.

Maybe if you asked him all of the reasons he likes it so much, you could figure out how to make him stop doing it by eliminating each reason. o.O Thats probably not very helpful but Im tired. I tried.

Hope things get better

<3

Thanks, but I have. It's really the excitement, not knowing what the other person's going to say; the thrill. So there's nothing that I can really do. IRL we do things with each other, like sexual acts (not actual intercourse as of yet) and I think I do it too much sometimes, yet not enough at the same time! crying

A month is good, and I understand how hard it is to get rid of an addiction, as I have one myself at the moment (not realated). Maybe he could seek help from someone, as embarassing as it is. This problem can turn into a real sex addiction, and he will end up seeking sex from people other than YOU yourself because he is so addicted to it. There is help for him, he just hasnt found the right kind yet.

I hope for your sake he can over come this.

And also,
You shouldnt be letting him go back to it.
Thats enabling him. If he stops make him stick to it, no matter HOW hard.

You shouldnt feel like an idiot. I understand how this problem would be affecting you. Maybe you could go on a teen help site and ask for advice for your boyfriend. Find some resources. People with addictions cannot overcome them by themselves so maybe you need to be the one to make the first step in finding help resources. This may sound like alot for you to do, but I feel you really care about him if your posting here, so take it one step further. Maybe you could try This and go in the dating section. It really helps.

If you feel like there is too much pressure, you can always talk to them, and get help for yourself as well. This is alot to be put on one persons shoulders.

If you ever need to talk, I am also here. So keep that in mind.

Hmm. Did the counselling help you at all? Because if you are still confused it might help to go back or talk to someone online. And from my opinion it seems you do need advice if your posting here :

You shouldnt be worried about talking to him. Im sure it will go over fine, he knows you love him, so he'll most likely be open to suggestions. Just tell him you've been thinking alot about the situation and you really want to help him.

I dont know if it will work with him, but its worth a try right?

Well tell him that you are feeling confused about it. Going back to an issue is no problem. Its not mean. You need to think about yourself in all of this, not always him. Worry about yourself for once. Dont worry about his reactions. Right now he needs to understand that this is affecting you as well as him.

Whatever thrill he is getting, is fake. You should remind him of that. This is just like a drug. The thrill is there for as long as you are doing it, and when its gone, you need more. Maybe he could find something else that thrills him just as much, that you two can do together.

I dont really know what to say now.

I think maybe the help I suggested would be the best idea if he has problems and home as well. Maybe he went to cybering to get away from his problems in the first place? I dont know. I think if he continues though itll stop thrilling him and he'll look for something to fill the gap. Something worse. Like I said, a sex addiction, or maybe something harmful or dangerous. No matter how together he may seem at the moment, people do weird things when they are trying to thrill seek.