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| Will you choose the second option? |
| yes. |
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37% |
[ 15 ] |
| no. |
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62% |
[ 25 ] |
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| Total Votes : 40 |
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 Posted: Wed Jul 05, 2006 10:44 pm
This is pretty much only my first real poem, and I need help and advice with what things I should avoid doing or things I should do to help me become better. Sometimes I can't find the words to things... can you help?
I Cry Because of You
You turned your back to me
But I didn’t think anything was wrong
Remembering all the nights together
You and I
Had sent me away crying
I couldn’t believe what I had heard
You told me you didn’t want to be with me
I couldn’t grasp the thought of leaving you--
I really couldn’t
I swore I cried and didn’t stop--
I glanced up at my room’s clock…
I glanced at it twice…
I watched the clouds pass away and fade
It was such a gloomy day
I couldn’t take my mind off you…
Once you had sent me away
Now this sorrow is taking over me
All I really cared for was you
But you wouldn’t tell me the reason--
I thought everything was great…
I walked by your street
And I saw you outside…
You sat crying
I didn’t know why
Then I couldn’t believe what I had seen
I stood there and started to cry along
We cried along together
We knew we were both there
Sharing the same feelings
It only made me feel worse
I cried because of you.
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Posted: Fri Jul 28, 2006 1:32 pm
Beautiful..deep.. I love it!
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Posted: Tue Aug 08, 2006 6:25 pm
O my gosh,I love it!It sounds like my past relationship!!!hehe,yeah..Well it's a really awesome poem,you did a good job!
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Posted: Thu Aug 17, 2006 9:34 am
Really, the poem is great. The only thing I'd do with it is re-word a few lines that don't seem to flow (mostly out-of-place looking long lines. But really, it's a great poem.
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Posted: Thu Jul 26, 2007 8:57 am
Wow, that's moving. Very. Keep up the good work, and keep those lengthy sentances in mind. When you're writing poetry try to have all the line have the same number of sylables. It flows much better when you read it that way.
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