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| yes |
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70% |
[ 7 ] |
| NO |
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30% |
[ 3 ] |
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| Total Votes : 10 |
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 Posted: Wed Jun 07, 2006 2:49 pm
[ Message temporarily off-line ]
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Posted: Thu Jun 08, 2006 7:22 am
I really like those both. The rhythm and repetition with variants in End was very effective. I'm not sure if I like the very last line of that poem though. I think it could be left out because it's understood as the piece ends. That's just my take on it. It'd be a play on words.
The second one was great too. I'm not sure if you meant it to reflect Aryans or not (just following with your saying in your signature), but I think that way it'd touch on both the superficial side of things and then a deeper issue that's prevalent today.
Good job. 3nodding
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Posted: Thu Jun 08, 2006 12:39 pm
thank you and i just shose blond and blue becase that is what i first thought of and it help me ryhme i noticed that it was Aryan traits but that was not my intention though i like the fact the it kinda mixed with my whole "bigotry is a sin" thing thanks for the CC
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Posted: Fri Jun 09, 2006 11:40 am
I think the choice and the rhyme were from a more unconcious level and it works. The first one was a bit choppy in places for me. However, I like it's style. heart
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Posted: Wed Jun 14, 2006 4:30 pm
[ Message temporarily off-line ]
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Posted: Tue Jul 18, 2006 7:16 pm
Finaly a new one i wrote it at camp
W're al home sick, and I'm just sick of it
I want to go home, but i'll just stick with it
Thoughts of home bring me to tears,
and thoughts of you brings out my fears
'Cuz saying the truth will only bring heartbreak
but saying nothing wil only cut down the time it will take
to break this love apart
because its all in my heart
Seeing your face ruins it all
Between us ther is a wall
It keeps us apart no matter how hard you try
Whats on the other side might make you cry
One the other side is me
and all my self pity
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